Shades of Envy
by MarionX
Summary: (ON PERMANENT HIATUS) What would happen if Envy actually lived past the Promised Day? Edward and the military give Envy a second chance at life and he makes an honest effort to try on humanity. But as he gets swept away by human emotions, he comes across one that's hard to deal with. Love... (Post Brotherhood, Envy's POV, EnvyPreg)
1. Happiness

**A/N:** This is my first fanfiction ever! Woo hoo! I've been lurking on this site for a while now and finally decided to leave my own mark. I've read a lot of Ed/Envy and found myself wishing for certain scenarios that I could never find. And thus, I present to you _Shades of Envy_, the combo of everything I've ever wished for! Yes it is yaoi. Don't like, don't read. The first few chapters are relatively tame, but I'm going to be picking it up after that. Also, expect mpreg. I'm putting everything my heart desires into this.

This is rated **M** for yaoi (obviously), mpreg, and strong language (I think Envy should have a more colorful vocabulary). All rights to _Fullmetal Alchemist_ go to the wonderful Hiromu Arakawa. I'm just playing with her characters and continuing the story.

But enough of this! On with the fic! Hope you enjoy! **~MarionX**

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**Chapter 1: Happiness**

How did it all end up like this? I've been alive for…I don't even remember how many centuries and have never felt something other than jealously and anger. Now, here I am, alive after the promised day with the burn of fucking human emotion in my chest. All of my siblings are dead, my father is dead, and here I am with the fucking Elric brothers. How did I get here again?

That's right. That lousy Colonel Mustang and his bitch were chasing me to my demise. What's her name again? Hawkeye? Yeah. They were hot on my tail, literally. I'd had my eyes evaporated, my tongue boiled, my skin burned to a crisp and as much as I wanted to live, the pain was excruciating enough that I kind of wished for my final death. I lay panting and drooling in that filthy underground tunnel, gazing up at the monster before me. I hardly felt like a killer anymore. Looking into the Colonel's eyes sent shivers down my spine. My stomach churned and I heaved dryly, as I hadn't eaten a bite of food in months. I was feeling something other than envy; I was feeling pure terror.

I screamed my throat raw as the Flame Bastard ignited me again and again and again. Blood oozed from every orifice and pore. In my hundreds of years of life, that is definitely the most painful moment I have ever lived. "Don't underestimate me you filthy _human_!" I yelled with acid, but I felt the philosophers stone inside of me burn away with my flesh, the thousands of souls that kept me alive screaming along with me. I had reached my limit. My humanoid form no longer regenerated and flaked away into ash.

"Fuck," I squeaked out, "No, not this again!"

My body completely disintegrated and my tiny, true form flopped uselessly on the dirty floor. Mustang laid his boot heavily on my spine and tears poured from my bulging eyes. "So this is what you _really_ look like? I get it," he said with malice, "You're ugly. You're jealous of others and jealousy is an ugly thing, just like you."

I squirmed in an attempt to free myself. It hurt! It fucking hurt! I whimpered and bawled by eyes out. "No. Please! No! I don't want to die! Please!"

That bastard just brought his foot down harder, taking all of the breath out of me. "I'm not giving you a choice! Now BURN IN HELL!" His fingers poised to snap me to my final death, blue sparks flying from his hand. My whole life began to flash before my eyes.

I really had lived a pointless life. What _had_ I done? When I thought about it I was purely a pawn for Father. I had no personal thoughts or actions, besides frivolous murder and sadism. I understand that I'm supposed to be the pure incarnation of the sin envy, but in that moment I felt an inkling of wanting. What were other emotions like? Surely I had felt some of them before without thinking. But being filled with emotion is a human thing and humans are fucking worthless pieces of shit. But nonetheless emotions flooded me in that moment of near death, and I realized something.

Deep down, _I_ was envious of humans.

If possible, more tears began to stream down my face and into my elongated mouth. I wished I were human. I wanted another chance at life. I wanted a chance to experience all of the emotions that humans could feel. But all I could do was close my eyes and wait to die.

Suddenly, with a spark of alchemic power, I was flung up and flying though the air. I screamed with what little voice I had left. Instead of landing on the filthy tunnel floor again I was gripped tight around my center by a gloved hand. With a pitiful squeak I glanced up at my savior only to see the little midget alchemist, Edward Elric. Confusion was quick to set in.

Mustang demanded that I be handed back to him and the pipsqueak's reply resounded though the hall, "No". I gazed back up at him in wonder. Why now? Why was he saving _me_, Envy? I had done so many things to make his life hell and yet he held onto me like his life depended on it.

Scar was with the pipsqueak as well and they began to lecture Mustang on his values and how hatred was consuming him. Blah blah blah. Hatred had consumed every waking moment of my life, what's wrong with it? But I listened on in confusion as the shorty, Scar, and Hawkeye talked Mustang down. Why was this happening? What were those emotions I was feeling?

I chose that moment of silence to voice my thoughts. "Are you all morons? Some flowery words and everything is resolved?! Are humans always such pathetic worms? What ever happened to listening to your gut? Doing what you wanted when you want it? You four are all beyond kissing and making up! Think about the things you've done to each other. You should despise one another! Now's the time! Kill and be killed! Grovel in the dirt!"

All four of the filthy humans stared at me in silence, looks of peace on their fucking faces. I also glimpsed looks of sympathy.

"No! NO! You can't! Never! NEVER! You can't be friends! What is this!?"

The pipsqueak looked me straight in the eye and calmly responded, "I think I get it now. You are jealous of humans Envy. You wish you had the capacity to love and be loved, because loved ones are always there to pick you back up. You wish you could have the capability to forgive and move on."

Horror struck me as he vocalized what I had silently been feeling inside. I was so ashamed! Embarrassed! _Me_, Envy the mighty homunculus, jealous of _humans_? The accusation stung because it was true.

I writhed in the shorty's grasp and bit down hard on his fingers in order to escape him. Flopping ungracefully to the ground tears poured from my eyes once more. "Damn it! DAMN IT! Of all the _fucking_ humans to see though me it _had_ to be you pipsqueak…"

I lay groveling on the floor. The embarrassment was too intense. I needed a way out. I knew one way.

I rolled back onto my back legs and began to reach for the philosopher's stone deep within my gut. For someone who lived as pointless a life as me, suicide was a fitting way to die.

"Goodbye everyone. Good luck with your future battles…goodbye Edward Elric. I don't deserve to live like this anymore…too much humiliation…I could never be human…"

Edward started as I said his full name for the first time ever. "Stop!" He yelled as he bounded forward and restrained my tiny arms from reaching any farther. He picked me up in his hand again and looked me dead in the eye. I was trembling from what I had almost done.

"So it's true then?" he asked, "You really do wish you were human?"

The look in his golden eyes was powerful. What was that emotion buried so deep? I had never noticed the expressiveness of his eyes.

"Are you saying you want to change Envy? That you are willing to change?"

Still trembling like a leaf, I gazed into those expressive golden eyes with my own violet ones. Fresh tears prickled at my eyelids. I did want to change. I wanted to live, to _really_ live. There was so much that I had never experienced, even after centuries of life. It took me a second, but I found my voice, "…yeah…I guess…"

Edward glanced at Mustang, who after an eternity of deep contemplation gave a short nod of approval. All eyes turned to Edward as he spoke again.

"Envy, I have never intentionally killed someone that I have fought with. I never would want to. And now, now that you're telling me that you want to change, I can't possibly allow anyone to kill you. Everyone deserves chance to change. Of course, I don't know how much I can trust you. You have been a bastard for as long as I've known you. Actually, you've been a bastard for hundreds of years. But, despite all that I'm willing to help you. I want to help you. Will you let me?"

I stared in wonder at the blond haired alchemist. He was giving me a chance? How? Why? I glanced over at Mustang, who was previously trying to incinerate me to death, and he gave me a smirk.

"It kills me to say it, but I agree with Fullmetal. Despite all you've done, you've shown a will to change and honestly you would be quite an asset to the military, that is if you're willing."

Warmth flooded my chest suddenly and it took me off guard. Was that really human emotion? I turned back to Edward and my long mouth quirked into a smirk. I croaked out an answer through the steady flow of tears, "Yes. Please…"

I curled in on myself, as the warm feeling grew stronger. An unintentional moan escaped my lips. "What is this?" I squeaked, "I'm burning inside, but I'm not in pain or dying!"

Edward chuckled slightly then replied, "Maybe you're feeling…relieved? Grateful? Maybe it's happiness?"

The last one resonated within me and I immediately knew what I was feeling.

"Yeah. I guess I am happy. I'm so very happy."

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**A/N:** Hope you liked it. I realize this chapter is almost directly from the original story, but I felt that I needed to give some context and build off of it for where I'm going. I will try to have the next chapter up soon. What will become of poor little Envy? You'll have to wait and see. ;)


	2. Worry

**A/N:** Wow! I'm not going to lie, after I posted the first chapter of this all I could think about was how it was a stupid idea and that no one would like it. But to log in and see that I had ACTUAL reviews and followers...that just made my day. Thank you. :)

So, the story shall go on! Still no Edvy fluff yet, sorry. But it will come soon enough. We have to get Envy's hot bod back first, am I right?

Also, I do not own _Fullmetal Alchemist_ or any of the characters. Boo hoo...

But enough of that, here's the next chapter!

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**Chapter 2: Worry**

The remainder of the promised day wasn't too eventful for me. After we all came to the conclusion of giving me a second chance at a human life in the underground tunnel, I was handed off to Hawkeye. She carried me back up into central headquarters, holding me like I was going to eat her at any second. Truthfully, I could have. I should have. I could have just hijacked her body and regained my humanoid form. But, I felt oddly apathetic. I said I would change, so why not give it an honest effort?

She placed me in a jar and sealed it shut. There was a little straw that stuck out of the lid so I could breathe. "Don't try anything Envy," she told me, "We're really trying to give you a second chance here and if you so much as breathe funny you will be killed. I hope you understand the gravity of that."

She glanced around the small room for a second, looking for any signs of intruders, then turned swiftly back to me. "I have to return to the battle out there now and fight for all of our lives. You are going to stay here and when we have defeated your father someone will come back for you, understand?"

I nodded my little green head in agreement and watched as she strode out the door. I heard it lock behind her and her heavy footfalls fading down the hall.

And then began the waiting. God, it was so fucking boring! The most eventful thing that happened was my sudden death as Father pulled the plug. But that was short lived and I sprang right back to life with a jolt.

I thought about how someone must have really been giving Father a run for his money. My bets were on Edward Elric. That Fullmetal pipsqueak could really put up a fight. I would know. He'd killed or wounded me far too many times in the past. He always was so determined when it came to justice.

As I paced my jar, I began to feel the prickling of another emotion inside of me. It curdled in my stomach as the hours wore on, growing in power. Why was it taking so long? Was I going to get out of there and get my shot at life? Or was Father going to find me, mark me a traitor, and boil me alive like he did to Greed? The feeling in my stomach ate at me and I began to sweat.

The feeling was sort of familiar; it reminded me of when I was stuck in Gluttony with Edward and that Xingese kid. I was scared that I'd never get out then, but scared wasn't the right word for what I was feeling. It was like I didn't know what was going to happen next, like I had no control. I was…worried.

At that moment in the jar in Central headquarters, I was worried. I was worried that I'd never get out of there. I was worried I was going to die. I was worried about Edward Elric. He had saved me for fucks sake; I had a right to be worried about my savior.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence and worry, I was startled when I heard the door handle unlock and unlatch. It swung open to reveal some military guy. I think I saw him with Colonel Ponyboy and friends before. I could have cared less who the dumb ass was; I was free!

"Hey worm! I was thinking that no one was ever going to come for little old me. Will you get me out of the fucking jar? It's god damn cramped and stuffy in here!"

The military man looked thoughtful for a second, but then informed me that it would be up to Edward when I would be let out of the jar. Up to the midget alchemist? Ha! Since when was he my keeper? I accepted his help, not a contract for servitude.

I was taken (still in the shitty jar, which I made sure to give military guy an earful about) to the military hospital where I was promptly dropped in Edward Elric's lap. "For being a tiny defenseless bastard, that guy sure can be a pain in the ass. I hope you can teach him some manners Ed," said military guy. Edward chuckled in response, "Breda, do you seriously think I'm going to be able to teach Envy manners? He's _Envy_. He'll put up a fight to anything."

Disgruntled I spat up at them, "Yo! O'Chibi-san! I'm right here you dumb ass! Don't talk about me you worm!"

"There you go, the extent of his manners. Thanks again Breda," Edward waved as Breda left the room, seemingly glad to be rid of me. Good riddance to him too!

I then began to take in my surroundings. Edward sat in a chair next to a hospital bed. The blankets slowly rose and fell with the labored breathing of their inhabitant. A shock of dark blonde hair jutted out from the top of the blankets. Next, I took in the Chibi. He was thoroughly beaten up, but nothing too dire. But then I noticed the thing that seemed off. The little alchemist had two arms. Two arms! No automail!

"Pipsqueak! You have two arms! How the hell did that happen?"

Edward glared down at me. "Envy! I'm not a super mini-sized midget runt! You used my name earlier! Use it now! And from now on for that matter!"

I giggled at his childish outburst. How could I not call him midget, chibi, and pipsqueak? It was so fitting, because he _was_ a super mini-sized midget runt.

But I gave in. "Fine. EDWARD. How the fuck did you get two arms?"

Edward simply pointed to the form hidden under the blankets with a sad smile on his lips and I quirked my brow in confusion. "Alphonse," he said under his breath, "Al did this for me. And I did that for him." Again he gestured to the bed and I leaned forward to take a closer look.

Upon closer inspection, there was a very emaciated child lying in the bed. His cheekbones jutted out and dark circles pooled under his eyes. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he turned to look right at me with dark amber eyes. Fuck! I thought he was sleeping!

"Shit!" I exclaimed as I scrambled back against the side of my jar in suprise. The boy gave a small laugh and then smiled weakly. "Brother said you'd be coming," he said with the voice of the tin can. Although, his voice now lacked the metallic quality that it had before; now it flowed smooth as honey.

"I can't believe you chose to come to our side on things Envy. I never expected that. But I'm glad to add another member to our screwed up little family," Alphonse said in a breathy voice.

I couldn't hold it in; curiosity got the best of me. "What the hell happened to you…you…uh…Alphonse?" The name got stuck on my tongue. I'd only ever called him "tin can" before, and I could hardly do that when he was fleshy as ever.

"You can just call me Al, Envy. And my physical body was stuck at the gate for years, withering away. So, when my soul reattached to my body, this was the body I got. I'm honestly lucky I got back when I did. This body is so malnourished it would have died in a week more," he gave me a concerned once over, "You don't look so good yourself. Brother told me the Colonel almost torched you to death. How are we going to get _your_ body back?"

He looked straight at Edward with questioning eyes. I honestly hadn't thought of that myself. How could I get my humanoid form back without doing anything the military deemed "fishy"? At that moment the door opened and my question was answered.

Colonel Bastard was standing there, but I guess I should start calling him Mustang right? Since I'm a good guy now. Well, Colonel Mustang was standing in the doorway, his gloved fist clenched in front of him. Immediately I thought he had changed his mind and was going to try to cook me alive again, but then his hand opened to reveal something I was so glad to see. The blood red stone glinted faintly in his palm.

"Fullmetal, I had to pull a lot of strings to get this for you. You better be grateful."

Edward got up from his chair and set me by Al on the bed. I squished my face on the jar, eager to get a better view of the stone. He walked up to Mustang and took the Philosopher's stone. "Wow Mustang! How'd you manage to get this?" he exclaimed.

"Sadly enough, we've discovered that the previous government had quite a few in storage. I managed to take one without much suspicion, before they locked them all away." A look of concern crossed Mustang's face. "I know you were very adamant about not using this in the past, because it's made from human lives," he looked deeply at Edward, "Are you sure you want to use this now?"

Edward nodded is head confidently. "I learned, from Envy actually, that the souls in these stones are so far gone that they don't even know what they looked like in life, let alone remember any memories. They've become pure energy. I've come to terms with that now, and if I need souls to revive Envy, I'd rather use souls that are lost than the living."

The Colonel shook his head in agreement and watched as Edward headed back over to me on the bed. He still seemed rather uncomfortable about the thought of bringing me back. I could tell by the way he glared me down and his back stiffened. But it was the moment of truth. Edward began to uncork my jar.

"Damn! Am I glad to be out of there!" I exclaimed as I plopped down onto the soft blankets of Al's bed. I curled up next to his leg and made myself comfortable. Al grinned down at me from the head of the bed.

"For being such a murderer, you sure can be cute," he said. Rather than get riled up about the comment, I brushed it off with a "you know it" and finally gave my full attention to the stone. There was my second chance at life, right in front of me in the palm of the tiny alchemist. His hand reached down towards me and laid the stone to my side on the bed. "So…how do we do this…?" he started.

But I beat him to the punch and inhaled that stone in one gulp. I could feel the souls from the stone begin to rush through me. Invigorating. Rejuvenating. My shape shifting powers began to return and red sparks surrounded me as I reassumed my preferred form.

My long, spikey black hair fanned out around me as the transformation was complete. I glanced down to make sure everything was in order. Sexy abs? Check. Slender legs? Check. Ouroboros? Check. Amazingly stylish outfit? Check check.

"Ha ha! You do it like that. I'm back _bitches_!"

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**A/N:** I'm sorry that last line was so cheesy. I couldn't resist though! Haha ;)

In the next chapter we'll get to see what Envy's new daily life is like. And maybe some fluff?

**~MarionX**


	3. Lust

**A/N: **I apologise for the delay, but here is the next chapter! I just finished my final exams (WOO HOO). They were keeping me busy. Also, I was a little conflicted with my plot. I had this chapter written, but then thought, 'Is it too soon to rush into the sexy stuff?' After debating, I liked what I originally did, so here it is.

**WARNING**: This chapter has explicit sexual content. If you don't like that, turn back now!

Finally, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters, which makes me sad...

Enjoy! **~Marionx**

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**Chapter 3: Lust**

We spent the next couple weeks in the hospital while Al gained back his strength and did rehabilitation. It's really such a joke how fucking weak the human body is. I can heal myself in the blink of an eye and it takes the runt's brother three weeks? Pathetic humans.

The whole time the military had me on 24-hour surveillance. Edward was with me at all times when he was awake and while he slept I was kept company by some of Mustangs crew. They all had this look in their eyes when they saw me. Hatred. Distrust. I knew those emotions well. They were afraid I was going to jump them, slaughter them, or assume my unleashed form. But I just crossed my arms and looked away with contempt. I wanted a damn chance and no one seemed apt to give me one.

Edward never gave me that look though. His eyes were always warm and golden. He seemed genuinely interested in me. He would always ask me these questions about my past. Were there any things I enjoyed? Killing. What made me happy? Sadism. Did I fear anything? Well…I definitely feared pain. Even though I had died many times in my life, I could never get over the excruciating pain.

I learned about him and Al too. Never did I ever think that I'd be interested in the lives of pathetic worms, but I did say I was going to give my second chance at life a real try. They told me about their childhood, about what it was like to have a family. I'd never had a real family. My siblings, we were just partners in crime, nothing more. And Father was the mastermind behind it all, hardly a true father figure. It was fascinating to hear about. I wished I had a family.

Alphonse told me that I did have a family. That him and Edward were going to be my family from then on. They would always be there for me to fall back on. Him saying that got that burning feeling of happiness going in my chest again.

After Al was discharged from the military hospital, Edward and Al said their goodbyes to their military friends and we boarded a train to Risembool, the Elric brat's hometown. The doctors had told Al that it would be best if he took life slow for a while as his body readjusted to the physical world. Sounded boring as hell to me.

And that concludes my little story about how I got here with the damn Elric brothers. I swear I fucking regret my decision to be human sometimes. It's the dumbest shit. I'm not one of those worms. I'm Envy! A homunculus! A higher being!

And here I am washing dishes. Fuck.

"Envy! Do you seriously call that clean? That's the filthiest clean plate I have ever seen!" the girl named Winry yelled at me from across the kitchen, wrench waving dangerously in her hand.

During the one week I had been in the Rockbell house, I had already learned to fear the wrench.

"Hey O'chibi-san! Tell your damn girly friend to fuck off!" I spat at the blonde boy sitting at the table.

He bristled with anger before growing red in the face. "She's not! She's..! It's not like that! And I'M NOT A SUPER PEA SIZED RUNT!"

I burst out in a fit of laughter that rang through the room. The Chibi has such a temper, I swear. It's the funniest thing ever. As I was about to send a nasty retort flying his way, the little Elric brother came hobbling into the kitchen.

"You guys! Quit it! We're living together now so you need to suck it up and play nice. The military won't let Envy go anywhere alone, so he's stuck with us and we need to get along. Brother, he's not all that bad. He has some good points like…" Alphonse thought for a second, "He's…He's really determined!"

I smirked, "Why thank you."

"More like pig-headed and stubborn…" Edward scoffed under his breath.

I flung the plate I was washing into the sink and it shattered to pieces, then I was on the pipsqueak in the blink of an eye. My heavy fist connected with his jaw and he went skidding out of the chair. But then he started to put up a fight and we were quickly wrestling on the kitchen floor. Profanity flew through the air.

"Stop! STOP!" Al screamed as Edward and I continued to wail on each other. I could see the blood on my knuckles and it started to give me a high. My hands wrapped around the pipsqueak's throat and an evil smirk spanned my face, ear to ear.

"You know? As much as I said I wanted to be human, you humans truly are such weak pieces of sh…!"

With a resounding thunk, the wrench slammed into the back of my skull.

Red sparks flew as I fell off of Edward, my hands flying to the back of my head. I moaned in pain. Much to my pleasure though, Edward got his next. Winry brought the wrench down on his stomach, knocking the breath out of him. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"You! Homunculus! Get your ass up to your room and stay there for the rest of the night. Edward! You too! Get up to your room and stay there. You guys need to cool off. Now GO!" The fucking wrench was brandished ominously in front of my face again and I flinched.

Both Edward and I got up off the floor and made our way to the staircase. Edward brought his sleeve across his mouth and wiped the blood away as we climbed in silence. Our rooms were on separate ends of the hall and we parted ways, but not before I took the opportunity to flip him off. Asshole.

He sputtered with renewed anger and began to stomp towards me, automail leg clanking loudly on the wood floor. His fists began to clench just as a voice called from downstairs, "I CAN HEAR YOU EDWARD! DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!"

I could see thoughts of the wrench pass over his eyes and he quickly pulled away. With a huff, he made his way to his room at the other end of the hall and slammed the door behind him.

Good riddance. I headed to my own room and flopped back on the bed, black hair fanning out behind me. My room lacked a door because they were worried I'd be secretly conspiring evil plots in there. Seemed more like I was a teenage girl who got caught sneaking boys in and had the door taken away. Ha! Funny thought.

But it's not like I had anything to hide. I technically didn't have to sleep, but I tended to do so more often these days. There was nothing better to do alone in that room.

I looked out my window and watched as the sun made it's last few seconds of descent beyond the horizon, the stars beginning to twinkle overhead. I began to think. Was this really what it was like to be human? Everything was so simple. Kind of boring honestly. Where was the onslaught of emotions? Yeah, I'd been feeling some, but not to the degree that I had expected. Why didn't I just have the balls back in the tunnel to off myself? This life was shit so far.

And the Elric brat! He was so fucking infuriating! And I really thought for a while there that we would get along fine. That was a damn lie! Everything that left his lips got me stirred up inside, itching for a fight.

But I was stuck with him. Indefinitely.

I sighed and rolled over onto my side, my left hand slowly tracing circles on my Ouroboros, my lasting symbol of inhumanity. I ran it up my thigh, over my jutting hipbone, and up to my chiseled stomach. I did love my body. I had made a fine work of art. But what for? My own pleasure? Hardly. I hadn't felt any sexual urges for over a century. They make you weak. Did I make this body for the eyes of others? Maybe…but I never had anyone particular in mind.

I closed my eyes and finally drifted off into a light sleep.

When I woke up, I immediately looked out the window, expecting to see the sun rising on another day in my personal hell. But the moon was only a little higher than it had been when I fell asleep. I groaned. It was going to be another restless night.

But then I had a brilliant idea. Everyone should be asleep right? No Winry or Al to loom over me. The little midget alchemist was all alone and defenseless in his room. No one would come to his rescue, if I played my cards right. I chuckled at my new plan for the night. I was going to terrorize Edward Elric.

I quietly rolled out of my bed and stepped lightly to my doorway. Glancing left and right down the hall I saw that the coast was clear and I began to tiptoe towards the chibi's room. I was giddy with excitement.

Edward's door was not latched shut, but opened just a hair. Once I reached the door, I paused outside, listening for any stirring within the house. In the room I could hear light pants and moans coming from the alchemist. 'The poor shorty must be having a nightmare', I thought, 'and it's about to get so much worse!'

I nudged the door open a little farther and peered into the blackness of the room. The moonlight from the window illuminated the bed.

And on the bed lay the Chibi…I gasped and quickly brought my hand over my mouth.

Edward lay prostrate on the bed, gleaming naked in the moonlight, as his hand pumped up and down his erection.

His chest sparkled with sweat and his face scrunched up sweetly with every stroke. One hand twisted a nipple and the other stroked his manhood over and over and over. Breathy moans escaped his lips at each new burst of pleasure.

All I could do was watch.

Edward began to speed up his work, tugging hard at his erection and bucking up into his own hand. His back arched. His head was flung back, golden blonde hair spreading out around him. His pace grew more sporadic and finally with a quiet grunt he came. Cum shot up and landed all over his stomach and on the white sheets as he lay panting in the afterglow.

Oh. My. GOD.

In the silence of that moment, I ran. I ran back to my room and jumped under the covers of my bed, hoping that he didn't hear me lurking outside his door. At that second I truly wished I had a door myself, the tightness in my shorts finally coming to my attention. My face ran red with a degree of blush that I didn't know I could muster. The fucking pipsqueak had turned me on and no matter how long I laid there the embarrassment between my legs wouldn't go away.

Utterly ashamed with myself, I slowly ran my own hand down my chest to the bulge in my shorts. I hissed with pleasure. I hadn't touched myself like that in years! I gripped my length through my clothes and began to stroke.

Before I knew it, I too was laid naked on the bed, not even thinking about the possibility of being found, roughing jerking my manhood. One hand covered my mouth, I knew I was loud, but it didn't stop the little embarrassing sounds from ringing out.

I panted and grunted and moaned, my hand teasing my sack before going back to my painfully hard erection. I fucked my hand faster and faster. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I thought of the chibi orgasming all over himself and his bed and I came too.

I came so hard. My back arched high off the bed as a stream of cum shot up to my chest. Waves of pleasure washed over me and I unintentionally moaned.

"Ahhhnn! Fuck! Edward!"

…Shit.

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**A/N: **And the inner conflict begins...Sorry about the cliffhanger. I'll try to have the next one up soon! ;)


	4. Confusion

**A/N: **Time for the next chapter. Airplane delays do miracles for the urge to write. Haha

As always, I do not own any of the characters from Fullmetal Alchemist and never will.

Read on! **~Marionx**

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**Chapter 4: Confusion**

My inhuman blood ran cold as I heard my own voice ring out through the house.

"Ahhhnnn…fuck! Edward!"

My nerves shot my afterglow. Oh my god everyone in the entire house just fucking heard me orgasm. I immediately regretted everything. I glanced nervously down at my stomach and chest and quickly tried to find a way to destroy the evidence of my pleasure. Homunculi don't feel pleasure. Besides, I'm Envy not Lust!

Unthinking, I grabbed my sheets and swiped at my mess, dirtying the bed. Now not only would I have to explain my random midnight outburst but also the crusty bed sheets. I'll grudgingly admit I'm not always the smartest.

But that was the last thing on my mind at that moment. I laid like a statue in my bed, a cold sweat dripping all over my body, as I listened to the sounds within the house with bated breath. I expected someone to come bursting through the doorway at any second, demanding to know what I was up to. Seeing the look of confused pleasure and fear on my face…

But no one came.

After about an hour of waiting for the largest embarrassment of my life, nothing happened. I certainly didn't sleep again for the rest of the night though. All I could think about was how I should have just fucking killed myself when I had the chance. I'd felt this…_lust _before many years ago and almost killed myself then too. Lust really was a powerful sin that could easily slip into your life. But nothing other than Envy was ever supposed to be a part of mine. I guess I've always been doomed to rot in the filth of humanity. As my thoughts battled in my head, I stared with wide, tormented eyes at my ceiling until the sun began to rise on the next day.

I thought I could brush the whole night off and forget it ever happened, I'd done that in the past with other things. But the more I tried to forget, the more I saw Edward Elric moaning in pleasure. I couldn't fight off the new beast that was growing inside of me. Human emotions tore me apart. I didn't know if I was obsessed or embarrassed. What the fuck was going on inside my head?!

When the smell of bacon and eggs cooking on the stove reached my nostrils in the light of daybreak, my nervousness and embarrassment reached an all time high. I had to go face those worms downstairs. I had to go act like nothing was happening to me, all the while graphic sexual situations played out in my head. Somehow or another, the door to my sexuality had swung open and I couldn't keep it shut. I was so fucked…

"ENVY! COME GET BREAKFAST!" Winry called from downstairs.

I began to fight an internal battle with myself. I should just run away. I knew plenty of good hiding places. I could even leave the country and get far out of the military's reach, never to be bothered again. But could I, Envy, run away? I'd never run away from a fight before! Well, minus Mustang's "BBQ Envy" fest a couple weeks previous, but that was different. I'm a homunculus, not a fucking human! What was I so scared of?

I bravely rose from my bed and strutted my way to the staircase, noting that the pipsqueak's door was still shut. Good. But the farther I made my way down the stairs, the more I wanted to hightail it out of there. '_Everyone_ heard you,' my mind reminded me. Everyone, including Winry and Al.

When I reached the kitchen, I paused in the doorway, taking in the room. Winry stood with her back to me at the stove and Alphonse sat in one of the wooden chairs at the end of the table. Edward always woke up late; according to Al. Boy was I glad he did. Dealing with him was a hurdle I hadn't built myself up to jump just yet. Al looked right at me then and smiled.

"You sleep well Envy?"

My body went rigid. "Uhh...umm.." I stammered.

'Yeah I had a great night's sleep Alphonse! The best part was watching your big brother masturbate and now I'm spiraling into a horny oblivion!' was what I thought. What I finally said was, "Yeah…I guess."

I took my seat at the table, propped my elbows up, and threw my head into my hands like the pissy bastard I always tended to be. 'Just be Envy. Just be me,' I chanted in my head. I couldn't let the worms see that something was bothering me. They would pry endlessly until they got their answers; I knew they would.

"So what's on the lame ass agenda for today? More housework? Reading books? Ohhh please don't tell me it's gardening! Anything but that!" I chided in my normal tone of voice. I really didn't like gardening. It makes you sweaty and filthy. Blegh.

Al took my statement as a joke and giggled. "Brother said that he was planning on heading into the neighboring town for something today. Maybe he'll take you with him. Could be fun. I wish I could get out of the house more."

"You need to focus on gaining your strength back right now Al. You can go off looking for stray cats when you are well again," said a voice from behind me.

My blood ran cold. Edward Elric just walked into the room and he sat his ass down in the chair right next to mine. A small blush crept uncharacteristically up to my cheeks. Luckily, my thick black mane shielded my face. But then he turned his attention to me.

"Hey Envy? Did you need something last night? I swear I thought I heard you call my name." I stared dumbfounded at the look of genuine curiosity on his face.

"I don't know what you're talking about pipsqueak," I managed to get out with zero tremor in my voice. But in my head said, 'Yeah I did need something last night. I needed my dick in you, pumping in and out, in and out…'

I sucked in a sharp breath at my own thoughts and silently cursed as I felt a twitch between my legs. Not now, please not now.

"Really? I swear I heard it," Edward said as he scratched his head. Al took that moment to chime in (fuck him), "No, you're right brother. I heard him too. It was pretty loud. He woke me up. Is something wrong Envy?"

I really blushed then and I swear everyone at the table could see it. They all stared intently at my face as they awaited my response. I wrung out my hands and picked at my fingers trying to come up with a logical answer, but in reality, who needed a logical answer? So I stuck to my usual.

"Fuck you! Nothing is wrong damn it! Stay out of my fucking business!" I yelled at the two blonde brothers.

Winry chose to respond, "You know, we really need to do something about that dirty mouth of yours. Every other word that leaves it is profanity. If you're going to be human, try to speak with some dignity."

I glared in her direction and stood up quickly from the table. The legs of my chair screeched loudly against the floor. "FUCK YOU TOO!" I stormed from the room in a huff and practically ran into the sitting room a few rooms over. I could still hear them though the walls.

"Wow. He sure can blow up."

"Maybe something really is wrong."

"Brother, you should go check on him…"

"ME?! Why me?! You started this crap Al!"

"Well you _did_ bring up the subject brother!"

"I was just curious damn it!"

"Ed, shut up and go check on him. He's technically your responsibility."

"…fine."

I heard footsteps approach the room and I brought my knees up to my chest as I crouched on the couch, somewhat shielding myself. Why was I having these fucking sick thoughts about the Elric brat? I just wished they would go away. I wanted to go back to being the evil bastard I was, not the horny, emotional mess I was becoming. I steeled myself awaiting Edward's arrival. I would fight him if I had too. There was going to be no confessing for this homunculus, no sir.

As he rounded the corner though, my thoughts fell off the cliff they were precariously perching on. I never got a good look at him in the kitchen, but I certainly got a good look at him now. And I looked hard.

Edward still was in his sleeping clothes, which consisted of a white t-shirt that clung to his form in all the right places and a pair of light blue boxer shorts. Those also clung in all the right places. I found myself openly staring at his crotch longer than I would have liked. But then I quickly snapped my gaze up to his face. His long hair was yet to be pulled back and hung elegantly on either side of his face. His trademark antenna was already perky. Then I looked at his eyes. They were deep and golden as usual. They drew me in.

In my stupor, I didn't even notice as he made his way over to the couch. When he sat down next to me I jolted up a little, shocked out of my sick little fantasy. Reality came back to me and slammed me in the face. Edward was looking at me. He was talking.

"Envy… what is the problem? You need to stop stomping off from situations like an idiot and learn to face them. Humans at least have the dignity to deal with shit."

He contemplated what he said for a moment and furrowed his brow.

"Well, I take that back. Humans are pretty bad about facing their problems head on, but you need to stop being so angry all the time! We didn't do anything wrong! But apparently you think so… so what the hell is up?"

I stared transfixed at his lips as they formed those words. They were thin, but still plump enough to look kissable and were a light rose color. My breath caught in my throat. I was thinking about kissing the pipsqueak? If I kissed him I could make his lips even redder…

He waved a hand in front of my face and I shot back to reality again. I really was losing it. A permanent blush tinted my originally pale cheeks. He looked very concerned.

"Hey! Palm tree! You listen to a single thing Ī said?"

I sputtered for a second while I tried to process what he said. Envy…. Idiot… Angry….PALM TREE!?

"How DARE you?! I'm not a fucking palm tree, you ultra shrimpy chibi bitch!" I felt like I was foaming at the mouth. No one calls me ugly and _no one _calls me a palm tree.

Edward was getting pretty heated himself. "There you go again! _Everything_ sets you off. Everything gets you defensive. Get off your damn high horse and listen to me when I am trying to HELP YOU!" he yelled in my face.

Damn. He was close to my face.

I blushed in the pregnant silence that followed his rant. God, what was my fucking problem?

"Now… something we did made you upset. Did you want to talk about it or what?" The situation had calmed down significantly. Still didn't mean I was confessing to anything.

I looked him dead in the eye and pushed down all my underlying thoughts, "There is nothing to fucking talk about pipsqueak. I already told you there wasn't. So buzz off." I gave him the most sickeningly sweet grin I could muster with that last line. Beautiful.

He let out a lengthy sigh and dropped his head a bit. Yeah, that's right shrimp. You will never break my shell. Wallow in your misery.

"Envy, I'll make a deal with you, equivalent exchange."

My shit eating grin fell off my face. What was he playing at? He began to speak again.

"I can tell that something is really bothering you and I _did_ hear you say my name last night," I tensed visibly, "so here is the deal. I'm about to make a day trip into the neighboring town. You have two options: either you tell me right now what is going on in your head and get it off your chest or you come with me into town and let me buy you some real people clothes and I forget this ever happened."

Huh?

Give up my perfectly sexy outfit? I noticed Edward look disdainfully down my body at my skin tight clothes. I had worn that outfit for over a hundred years and it worked just fine! But… Greed _did _always bother me about how ugly it was. Although, I could care less about that jack ass. But there was no way I could tell Edward that I was lusting after his body. No way in hell.

God I'm going downhill fast.

"Ok Pipsqueak," he raised his fist in the air, prepared for a rant, "Uh…I mean Edward. I'll go with you to town and try out some 'real people clothes' and you fucking stay out of my business, deal?"

"Deal. Now come on, I'm getting dressed and we're leaving now so we can make it back before dark. I have a lot of errands to run."

Edward rose up from the couch and made his way to the door. Fucking pipsqueak just always has to get his way. I grumbled to myself and stared after him as he left the room. My gaze wandered down to his ass, which his boxer shorts also clung to quite tightly. Shit man, if I just got up, took four steps, and grabbed it in my hand…

Oh my god I'm hopeless.

Some homunculus I am. I walked out to the porch on waited for Edward by the car. Today could definitely be hell.


	5. Frustration

**A/N: **Sorry about the long wait. For some reason this chapter was hard for me to write, no idea why. I was just lacking inspiration. But here it is! I'll try to be more prompt with updating in the future, but I can't make any promises. Also, hope you like the new cover image for this story. I drew it the other night on a whim. Doesn't really have to do with the story, but hey. Who doesn't like Envy in a bow? :)

This chapter has a certain now General being an ass and Envy being a perv. Woo hoo!

As always, I don't own any of the characters from Fullmetal Alchemist.

Enjoy! **~Marionx**

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**Chapter 5: Frustration**

It felt like an eternity before Edward came to the car. Honestly, how long does it take a midget like him to put on some clothes and fix his hair? He came stomping down the front steps of the house, obviously as excited to be spending the day with me as I was to spend it with him. Which is beyond unexcited, if you hadn't already caught that.

I was leaning against the side of the small buggy with my arms crossed over my chest, my mouth turned down in one of my trademark scowls that make all the humans tremble in fear. But it had no effect on Edward as he came up to me and shoved me aside to unlock the door. I stumbled back and released a huff of frustration.

"Come on Envy, we don't have all day. Go get in the passenger seat."

I shuffled to the door on the other side of the car, grumbling the whole way over. Why did he have to be such an ass? Yanking the door open roughly and then slamming it behind me, I plopped down onto the seat of the car and crossed my arms across my chest yet again. Just because I agreed to the pipsqueak's little deal didn't mean I was about to become completely civil. I'd find my ways to get little jabs in here and there.

I was curious about where he was taking me though. I hadn't seen anywhere but Resembool in weeks. And let me tell you, that farm town is boring as hell and smells like cow shit all over. I kind of missed the hustle and bustle of Central; maybe even missed the desolate, cold space of Father's chambers.

"So, what grand destination awaits us today O' Chibisan?" I inquired with a smirk.

"What did I tell you about calling me names Envy?! My name is EDWARD! E. D. W. A. R. D. Get it right and maybe I'll show you respect and answer your question," he growled out. Edward turned to glare at me as he drove down the dirt road that led out to the main street.

I glared right back, until I realized that he was actually paying no attention to how he was driving. We swerved off the path and hit a huge pothole. I went flying up out of my seat and bashed my head on the roof. "Fuck! You idiot! Pay attention to the road!" I gingerly rubbed my scalp and continued to fix him with a glare.

"I will look at the road when you call me by my name," he stated calmly as he swerved again and this time my whole body was sent flying into the door. By face smashed against the glass with a loud crack.

"What the _fuck_?! FINE! Edward! Will you look at the road?! I wasn't kept alive just so I could die in an idiot induced car accident! Since when do you drive anyways? I bet I could drive better than you."

"I'm 18 now, if you haven't already forgotten. Plenty old enough to drive a car," he said with a smug look on his face.

"And I'm over 175 years old. Don't you think that makes me much more apt to drive this thing? You should just pull over right now and relinquish your rights to the wheel!"

He abruptly pulled the car to a screeching halt along the side of the dirt road, jerked the keys out of the ignition, and aggressively threw them into my lap. I caught them in midair, confused as hell. I don't think I could ever understand Edward Elric. Better yet, what about the little blonde did I even find attractive?

He smirked at me as he opened up his car door, "Well, since I'm supposed to be trusting you now and all, not that I do, why don't you have a go at it then? You think you're so awesome. Let's see you drive this car." He had come around to my side and opened up my door for me. His arm swept outwards, comically beckoning me out of my seat. I obliged and took it as a win. Score one for Envy!

Once I had settled myself in the drivers seat and turned on the ignition, I began to ease the car the rest of the way down the dirt path. The shrimp was being awful quiet. Something didn't feel right. And he kept sending me pointed glances the whole time I was driving, that stupid smirk ever on his face. I kept checking my driving. It wasn't like I was doing anything fundamentally wrong.

The car rolled to a stop at the T right where the dirt, country road spilled out onto the paved, more travelled one. Then it hit me. That little fucker…

"Where exactly are we going again Edward?" I asked with a groan.

His little grin grew even wider. I hadn't won after all, damn. "Well, I don't know Envy. You seemed to know so much about driving and what to do; I figured you would just _know _where we were headed. What? Is an impeccable sense of direction not one of you homunculus powers?"

Now the midget was flat out teasing me. When did I sink this low? Being teased by a human? Shit, if only Father could see me now. He'd have me boiling in that vat of lava before I could so much as blink.

The rest of the car ride was filled with a countless amount of arguments and lots of U-turns. Neither of us wanted to give up our pride. I refused to give up the wheel and he refused to give me clear directions, only feeding me little snippets of info when I started to get off track.

Eventually, by the grace of some God, we managed to roll into East City by around noon.

He directed me towards the Eastern Command Center. Apparently he had to turn in a report. I've been around for a long time, so I know the state alchemist system pretty well. The alchemists work as dogs for the military and in return get to utilize nearly all material the government has to do research for the country. Then, they have to turn in a report of their findings annually. It's kind of the same thing as my old job; although, I never had a say in the matter like Edward has.

I was genuinely curious about his research. He is considered a genius alchemist after all, and I'm not stupid. I like to learn about things also. So I asked, "What is your research about now Edward? You still doing shit about the philosopher's stone? That's pretty much been run into the ground by now."

He seemed pleased that I was showing interest in his work. A small smile spread across his thin lips. That was a good look on him. I'd have to make him smile more often.

"No, we're through with the philosopher's stone. What we're doing now is researching Xingese Alkehestry and attempting to combine it with Amestrian Alchemy to create new forms of medical alchemy. Currently, body alchemy is lacking in the Amestrian style, so we want to advance that knowledge and in turn help people. Al wants to open a medical alchemy practice one day. I think he's planning to travel to Xing as soon as he is healthy again to learn Alkehestry. I'm sure he's missing that little girl May Chang also. They were getting pretty close towards the end there, if you know what I mean," he waggled his eyebrows suggestively at me. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

I let a real smile grace my face. I couldn't remember the last time that had happened, besides for sadistic reasons. "That little bitch? But she's so squeaky and annoying! How could your brother possibly like her!?" My eyes were wide in incredulity.

Edward was laughing hard at that point. It was a wonderful sound. He placed his head in his hands and his golden ponytail whipped around his head. "Ha Ha! I couldn't tell you Envy. I think she's annoying as hell too. 'Oh Alphonse! Oh Alphonse! I loooove you!' Baa ha ha!"

We both were chuckling to ourselves as we made our way up the steps to Eastern Command. The whole situation was making me feel warm inside again, happy. At that point I decided something. These odd feelings I was having for the Elric brat weren't going away. They were only getting worse. Fuck it. I was going to embrace them and whatever became of them. I mean, I'm starting a new life now. What's there to stop me from going out on a limb a little? It's not like Pride is watching me from the shadows, then going to tattle on me to Father for acting human. And the pipsqueak makes me feel happy and good. He can be aggravating at times (like in the car), but he also can be very interesting. I feel like if we both put in a little effort, we might be able to get along. Maybe be friends. Maybe be more. But that's a long shot there.

Once we both came down from laughing, I looked at him to ask another question, "What about you, huh? Aren't you going with your brother to Xing? You guys always do everything together."

Edward looked back at me and I could see a hint of sadness and conflict in his golden eyes. "Actually, I can't go with him. I'm not allowed too, as much as I want to."

I stopped walking and placed a hand on my hip. My face scrunched up in confusion. He stopped too and turned to face me. People were travelling all around us, up and down the steps, while we stood frozen in time. "But why? The whole country loves you. And isn't that Ling kid the new emperor of Xing? He loves you too. Why wouldn't you be able to go with Al?"

"Because of you."

My eyes grew wider and my brow furrowed. I brought both of my hands up to my chest. I tend to talk with my hands a lot. "Excuse me? What? Why am I involved in this?"

Edward let out a sigh and looked down at his feet. "It was part of the deal with the government to keep you alive. I am in charge of you 24/7 and you have to remain within the confines of the border of Amestris. You can't leave the country so I can't leave the country," he paused and looked up at me, his eyes searching my violet ones, "Also, I'm supposed to turn in annual reports on your progress and behavior to be analyzed by the government. They don't trust you. Not yet. But I'm sure you understand why."

I crossed my arms and let out a sigh. I knew that didn't trust me, but damn. I really am chained to the chibi aren't I? And now my presence is affecting his future and research. "I should have just killed myself when I had the chance…Now I'm fucking up everyone else's lives too," I mumbled under my breath as I stared down at my bare feet.

Edward rounded on me quickly and grabbed me by the shoulders. I flinched at the foreign contact. He forced my chin up and looked me deep in the eyes. His face was unnervingly close to mine. I could feel his breath grazing across my face. "Envy! No! Stop thinking like that! You aren't hurting me or anyone else anymore. I took this on and now I'm following it through. That's just what I do," One corner of his mouth quirked up in a small smile. He felt closer than before. "You need to stop being so hard on yourself and embrace your future. We let you live for a reason. You need to make the most of it now. Don't worry about me. Oddly enough, I don't really mind your presence as much as I thought." He took one of his hands off my shoulder and rubbed at the back of his head. "You're actually kind of…fun to hang out with. There I said it."

He was grinning again and a light blush danced across his cheeks. I smiled back at him and began to reply, "You know, I kinda like hanging out with you too. Actually, there's something I wanted to-"

Someone bumped into me roughly from behind and I was jostled into Edward's arms. He wrapped his arms around my back without a second thought, taking on the weight of my fall. He was almost my height, just a hair shorter. My cheeks lit up bright red at the contact, burning me deeply. He was…hugging me?

Then I remembered the asshole that bumped me.

"Hey Fullmetal. Maybe you should stop flirting in the middle of the staircase. You're putting on quite the show."

Roy Fucking Mustang.

I whipped around and instantly gave him the finger, shoving Edward away from me. He landed on his ass rather ungracefully with a groan. Well, I felt a little bad for that move. But he was up and moving in a second, obviously as pissed off as I was.

"Mustang! What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in central," Then his cheeks lit up just like mine had, "And I wasn't flirting, damn it. Leave me alone bastard," he spat with a grumble.

Mustang threw his head back in raucous laughter. I leaned over to Edward and whispered in his ear, "Hey. No body would care if I just snapped his neck right now, would they?" Edward just chuckled and gave me a little shove, "Quit it Envy. I know how to deal with this bastard."

"Really though Mustang, what are you doing here?"

Mustang played like he was wiping tears from his eyes and finally replied, "Just in town for a meeting. Lucky seeing you here. It's been a while. Glad to see you're as fiery as ever, Envy. Seems like Fullmetal has yet to tame the beast."

I merely crossed my arms and scoffed, "Fuck off."

He continued without a hitch, "Still hate me? Well I still hate you. That aside, what brings you out to East City today Fullmetal?"

Edward waved a manila envelope in his face. "Turning in the annual reports. Then I had Envy here promise me that he'd let me buy him some new clothes. We'll be doing that later on."

Mustang started laughing again. I just slapped myself in the face. "Will you shut the fuck up already? Damn!" I spat at him.

He regressed to small chuckles, "It's just, I can't believe you got this guy to _promise _you anything! But, that is a good idea. You _are_ attracting a lot of unnecessary attention."

"We made a deal Mustang, equivalent exchange. And yeah, that's why we're doing it."

I looked back and forth at them in sheer confusion. Huh? What were they talking about? "What do you mean? This form is adorable, young, and cute. What's wrong with it?"

Edward started rubbing the back of his head again. I realized it was a tick he showed when he became nervous. "It's just that…people here are used to seeing others dressed more modestly. Especially men."

"You look like a stripper."

I whipped around at Roy and my jaw dropped at the bluntness of his comment. I was about to reply with some venomous retort, but then I looked down and examined my clothes. My entire midriff was exposed, shamelessly displaying my six-pack abs. My skort rode low on my hips, just barely exposing the outline of my hipbones. My ass was practically hanging out of the back of my skort. The entirety of my hairless legs were exposed in all their pale glory and my Ouroboros tattoo tantalizingly graced my left upper thigh. My hair was long and luscious, falling all the way down to my waist. And I was barefoot.

I totally looked like a stripper.

I let out an incoherent grumble and balled my fists. Mustang was instantly on me. That man is such a pain in the ass. I can see why he pisses the shrimp off.

"What was that Envy? What did you say?" he said with a smirk.

I mumbled out my reply as quietly as I could, but still made it audible, "I said, I agree. I need to change my look…"

Mustang and Edward stared at each other with wide, surprised eyes. Both were utterly silent for a moment, then Mustang spoke up, "I don't know what you did Fullmetal, but maybe you did tame the beast a little." He stretched his back and then gave us a small wave. "Well, I need to get to that meeting. I'll see you guys around. Come visit me in Central sometime Edward. I have plenty of things that you could help me with. See you!"

He made his way up the rest of the stairs and Edward screamed after him, shaking a fist in the air, "In your dreams BASTARD!"

Edward turned back to me and gave a sigh of exhaustion. "That man drives me nuts. Come on let's go so we can get to finding you some new clothes, now that you agree with everyone." He continued his trek up the stairs to the front doors of Eastern Command. I raced up to him and matched his stride, walking alongside him.

"You do realize that I can just change my clothes at will right?" To demonstrate, I let the red electricity of the philosopher's stone course through me and changed into a sharp black suit. Edward faltered for a second staring at me with an open mouth. Checking me out, are you O' Chibisan?

He quickly came too. "Yeah, but you're trying to be human and human's can't do that. It would just be better if you could keep yourself naked."

I smirked at that comment, and he realized just what had come out of his mouth. His face lit up bright red.

"Uh…umm…I mean…if you were just naked all the time then you'd wear clothes. That's what I meant. Geez. Stop giving me that look!"

I morphed back into my usual outfit and laughed so fucking hard. I hadn't laughed that hard in ages. The pipsqueak sure was fun! "I get it! I get it! Now hurry up Edward. I can't bear another second not being naked." I waggled my eyebrows at him and winked.

Edward whipped around with a huff and stormed up the rest of the stairs and into the command center, not giving me another word. Damn, just when I was starting to have fun.

The soldiers around us stared at me with weird looks on their faces. I could hear them whispering about me. Homunculi do have pretty hypersensitive hearing.

"It's that thing. That guy. It's a guy isn't it?"

"Yeah. I've heard about him. The one that can change shapes at will."

"He's with Edward Elric, I heard. Poor guy has to baby sit that monster 24/7."

"Damn that sucks."

"He's one of those left over abominations from the previous regime."

"It's so scary."

"How could Führer Grumman let those things live?"

"He's just plain stupid. They could turn on us at any second. Dumbest decision the military has ever made. It'll bite him in the ass."

"Let's just hope that never happens. Right now he has them under control."

I let their conversation sink in. So people were scared of me? That was nothing new. It was actually something that I relished. I knew that the people of Amestris wouldn't trust me if they knew who and what I was. That came with the territory. But they said 'they'. As in multiple. More than one. But I'm the only one living…right?

I'd have to ask Edward as soon as the opportunity presented itself. My stomach churned uncomfortably. Who was it?

I had to know.

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**A/N: **Who is it?! *the plot thickens* You can probably guess.

Sorry, no shopping in this chapter. Next one I promise. They might even kiss next time...hee hee


	6. Hurt

**A/N: **Hey guys! Before the chapter, I just want to say that the reviews you have given me on this story are so awesome. They are so sweet and it makes me happy that I can make you all smile. Thank you so much!

Now, I'm not 100% happy with this chapter, but I have to bridge the gap to the kissy stuff somehow, don't I?

That being said, this chapter is a little bit limey, beware. (But it's nothing like the previous chapter's stuff)

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters, I just screw with their lives. :)

Read on! **~Marionx**

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**Chapter 6: Hurt**

I waited impatiently in a chair outside of the office that Edward had just gone into. People teemed around me and I didn't miss a single rotten look that they gave me. I made sure to send them even more venomous glares back. So what if they fear me? I like my space and if they fear me more it's just better for me.

Sitting there for what felt like an eternity gave me the time to think about what I had heard those people saying in the hallway: how there were other Homunculi out there.

I thought back on whose fates I knew about. Lust, for sure, was dead. She was the first to go, and what a shameful way at that, being backed into a corner by filthy humans. Well, it _was_ Mustang, and I knew very personally how dangerous that bastard could be. Poor Lust.

Greed was reincarnated into that Xingese brat and I heard that he was currently the new emperor of Xing. So, for all I knew, Greed _could_ still be alive within him, sharing his body with that retched human.

And Wrath was most definitely dead. How else would the humans have taken over the government so quickly?

Other than that…I really had no clue about the others. After I went up north that one time to reclaim Dr. Marco I pretty much lost all contact with my allies.

Gluttony. Sloth. Greed. Pride.

The last name sent an involuntary shiver down my spine. Pride was a monster among monsters. Even I feared him to a degree. 400 years of knowledge and life would always triumph over my 175.

It better not fucking be Pride. Why the hell would they let a little beast like him live anyways? He was way too dangerous to be saved. But then again, I kinda started a couple of wars myself. Heh heh.

I let out an audible chuckle at that thought. The war in Ishval would always give me near orgasmic pleasure, no matter how human I pretended to be. Deep down I would always be a die-hard sadist.

Nothing topped humans screaming as they were slaughtered.

I could feel my trademark smirk start spreading across my face, from ear to ear. Little peals of laughter continued to escape my lips.

Then Edward came out of the office. He took one look at me and his face screamed, 'What the fuck?'

I cleared my throat and composed myself, rising from the chair. "Just thinking back on some fond memories Edward."

He turned away and began to walk down the hall. "I don't even want to know."

I jogged a little to catch up with him, so that we were walking side by side again. Turning to look at his face, it really struck me how much he had grown over the years. I no longer had to look down to see him!

When we reached to front doors he turned to look at me as well. His eyes…they really were…beautiful. Damn, can't believe I just thought that. But it was true! They weren't just one shade of gold; they contained flecks of many others within them. And his eyes also played off perfectly with his tan complexion. I had chosen to make my skin so pale and my eyes a deep violet in my preferred form. Those colors also contrasted well. Gold and Violet. Opposites on the color wheel. Edward and I were like Ying and Yang.

"Uh, what are you staring at Envy? Something on my face?"

A slight blush graced his cheeks as he adorably brushed his hand over his face, looking for the problem. An even darker blush spread across mine and I made quick work to hide behind my long hair. I can't believe I let the pipsqueak catch me admiring him _again_! I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to keep these urges at bay. I just wanted to lean in and tear into his gorgeously thin lips, ravishing them with mine. Biting his lower lip until it bled! Slicking my tongue over his as I plundered his sweet mouth!

I let out a groan as I felt myself come to life in my skintight shorts. Mother fucker. And they don't hide much either!

Edward broke me out of my stupor with his next words.

"You're doing it again Envy. Something is wrong with you and I promised you that I would forget about it, but if you keep acting like that I'm just going to have to pry until I find out what it is."

I smiled faintly behind my curtain of hair. If only you knew pipsqueak.

I looked back up at him, having reigned in my libido. "I told you before and I'll tell you again, it's none of your business. Now move your ass. You're blocking the doorway and I want to go shopping for clothes."

We left the car parked in front of the Eastern Command Center. Edward said that he knew of a couple clothing shops just down the road. We walked shoulder to shoulder down the sidewalk, but few words passed between us. Oddly enough, that didn't bother me. I felt incredibly comfortable just walking with Edward in silence. It seemed like he was ok with it too, because his shoulders were relaxed as he took in the scenery around us. It was funny to think that just months ago we were at each other's throats and now we felt safe with each other.

And that I'd developed an intense infatuation with him.

Never, would I have guessed that one. But, I roll with the punches now. That's my new mindset. Everything about humanity is weird and makes me cringe, but I'm slowly acclimating to it. Dealing with it.

Edward came to a stop in front of a fairly expensive looking little shop and beckoned me into it.

"You sure about this place?" I asked with slight apprehension, "Looks a little too expensive and I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing either."

Edward just smiled at me from over his shoulder as he walked through the doorway. "Don't worry about it. I've kinda made a lot of money over the years and I never spend it. I can afford to indulge you a little. Besides, you've been incredibly docile today. Thanks for that. You deserve a treat."

I scoffed as I made my way past him and gave him a small pat on the shoulder. "Don't get so full of yourself. I may be chained to you, but I'm not your fucking bitch."

"Whatever. Let's just get you out of the stripper suit."

The shop was deceptively small on the outside, but huge on the inside. I felt a little overwhelmed. It was divided in half based on the gender the outfits were intended for. I always took pride in my ability to master masculine and feminine qualities all at one time. Complete and utter androgyny. But now, when faced with the choices for real clothes, I began to question which side I should pick.

Skirts or pants?

I'd worn a skort for over 100 years, a true testament to my androgynous appearance. And technically I was neither man nor woman. I can be whatever I want to be downstairs at the snap of my fingers, but I do tend to like the male anatomy more. I just stared around the room, frozen in the aisle.

Edward seemed to have read my mind. He came up behind me and tapped me lightly on the shoulder. His face was slightly scrunched up. "Umm…so…since you shapeshift…what exactly…uh…"

I wanted to see that blush on his cheeks again. "Are you asking me how hung I am Edward? I didn't know you were interested! I could always show you in the dressing room," I said with a smirk as I sent a small wink his way. So much for filtering my desires! I internally beat myself for my ever loose mouth.

But boy, did he blush. His whole face became beet red and he sputtered for a second before saying or doing anything. I think I saw one of his eyes twitch! Finally he spoke. "Whatever gave you that idea!? Damn it! Just when I think you're starting to be nice you pull that crap on me again, you bastard!"

I chuckled. Edward was getting pretty heated and loud. The shopkeeper kept glancing warily over at us, until I shot him a look that said 'piss off'. He quickly returned to what he was doing before we walked in.

"Will you just!...Ugh!..Are you boy or a girl damn it?!"

Wow. How blunt. I'm a little offended.

I put a finger up to my chin in contemplation. Brushing my hair from my face I replied, "Boy."

"Thank you! God. So pants then?"

I gave him a curt nod and then we began our hunt. Edward seemed really awkward with shopping for clothes. He was frazzled as he looked around the racks. I wondered if it was just because it was me, or if he was like that when he shopped for himself as well.

As we walked around I started to figure out that I had an actual taste when it came to my clothes. I turned down all of the loose khaki pants that Edward held up to me and instead opted for some that appeared skintight. They were black too, but that shouldn't come as a surprise. Since I picked nothing but black pants, Edward insisted that I lighten up the tones in my shirts a little. But I still managed to get black shirts in there, amongst some purple and green ones and one lone, white button down. We also had to pick out underwear for me, cause technically I've been naked since my birth. Those would be very_ very_ hard for me to get used to.

I also happened upon a grey skort right on the border of the female section. Damn it I couldn't resist. That thing screamed my name!

We made our way to the dressing room at the back of the store and our arms were overflowing with clothing. How the pipsqueak even saw where he was going over the mountain of shirts and pants was a mystery to me. The dressing room was very quiet and secluded: a compartment for changing and a lone chair sitting outside its door. Good that it was secluded because seeing my preferred form in pants was going to be fucking weird. I might even scream a little at the sight.

Edward shoved all the clothes into the little room and plopped his ass onto the chair.

"Because I'm buying, you're going to show me the things you put on. We're here to get you _normal_ clothes. I'm not going to let you pick weird shit."

"Are you trying to say I have bad taste?" I frowned.

"Maybe I am. Now get in there, we don't have all day."

I shut the door behind me and assessed the mound of clothes in front on me. Damn it. This was going to be hell.

First thing's first, make myself naked. I let a surge of alchemic power course over my body as my clothes disintegrated away. The crackle of my red sparks echoed in the room. There was a mirror on the back of the door and I could see myself clearly. It had been a while since I took the time to look at my body like that. There was never any need. But fuck, I made a nice body. I smirked at myself and cocked my hip.

Edward grunted outside the door, "You have anything on yet? Come on."

"Fine fine! Hold on, unless you want to see a naked homunculus…" I grumbled.

I glanced around for underwear first and slipped them over my slim hips to rest just below my protruding hipbones. They fit like loose shorts, but it still felt fucking weird to wear them. Next I picked up one of the pairs of black pants. They were tiiiight! Wow! Just like I like it. As I zipped them up, I turned around and inspected my ass in the mirror. Damn it, the pants were definitely more flattering than my skort. Shirt…shirt…ah. I grabbed up one of the purple button down shirts. It was very form fitting and gleamed a deep emerald if held in a certain light. I'm not a stiff, so I left a significant amount of the buttons undone on the top. Nice and airy, and it showed off my chest muscles. Finally, I slipped on the pair of military combat boots that Edward picked out for my feet and laced them over the tight pants. Shoes…..now that is the one article of clothing that I will try my hardest to go without. They are like a fucking prison for your feet!

Nervously, I looked up at the complete outfit in the mirror. It wasn't too bad, but it still wasn't my good ol' black attire. I slowly turned the knob on the door and stepped out for Edward to see me.

He glanced up at me sluggishly, then did a double take. A look passed through his eyes that I couldn't put my finger on. But then a light blush dusted his cheeks as he smiled and stood up to give me a good once over. O' Chibisan sure is blushing a lot lately, hmm...

"Envy, you look-"

And then it happened.

Edward came barreling forward towards me, having tripped over a stray shirt that had been lying between us on the floor. He gave a yelp as he fell and my body acted on it's own.

I caught him in my arms and held him tight.

My face was buried in his golden hair and as I inhaled my thoughts spiraled out of control. He pulled back a little and looked up at me with wide glistening eyes. My arms were still gripping his forearms tightly, trying to keep his balance for him.

He began to say something to me softly, but I didn't catch it. All I could focus on were his lips. They pouted slightly as he parted them, a light shade of rose and thin but delicious. My face was inches from his and his breath mingled with mine.

It was all over.

Without warning, I crashed my lips against his, massaging them slightly together. Edward tensed up at the unwelcome contact and struggled a bit as I went back in for another kiss and another. He tasted so sweet, and I hadn't even been given entry to his mouth yet. I gave a tentative lick and nip to his lower lip and was surprised when his lips parted just a bit into the kiss. My kisses became harsher and more needy. Edward was a drug that had been just out of my reach, and I was an addict. My head was nothing but white noise as I deepened the kiss, bringing my hand to the back of his neck and running my tongue over the edges of his teeth.

Edward seemed to have given up on protesting. He body language had grown softer and his tongue fought back in the kiss. My fantasies were coming true! Fuck yes!

But then I pulled him closer to my body, pressing the stiffening erection in my pants to his hip, and he jumped out of my grasp with surprise. His eyes were wide as dinner plates as he assessed my disheveled state and grew wider as he realized whom he'd just been kissing.

"Come on Edward. You can't tell me now that you weren't enjoying that. What the fuck is that look for all of a sudden?!"

His face was redder than it had ever been before and he looked incredulous as he screamed back at me, "Y-you kissed me!"

I started to get frustrated. Just who did that little bitch think he was?! He thinks he can obviously kiss me back, intertwine his tongue with mine, and then act alarmed by his actions?! Give me a break. I put both my hands on my hips and cocked them to the side. Rather than a smirk on my face, I felt a frown on my lips. I felt something churning in my stomach and prickling behind my eyes. God damn human emotions! Not right now!

"Yes Captain Obvious, I kissed you and you liked it. Admit it! Stop being a baby!"

At that point, Edward was frowning also, but he didn't look sad or mad. He looked contemplative. His eyes met mine as he came to a realization. "So, this is what you were hiding from me. That you liked me?"

'Like' is a mild word pipsqueak. More like I want to ravish your body and take you for mine.

"I don't like you," I bit back at him.

"But you must feel something towards me if you are making advances like that! What the hell Envy!"

"Just _shut up_! Shut up! I made a mistake, ok? Let's pretend that never happened and move on. Let's buy these fucking clothes and go back to the Rockbell bitch's house. I've had enough of your shit for today!"

"Stop calling Winry a bitch! And no! We're talking about this! The shit already hit the fan Envy! You can't run away now!"

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT A DAMN THING!"

We were getting fairly aggressive in the dressing room, reminiscent of old days and old fights we had. Both of our hackles were raised as we prepared for a physical fight. My fists were clenched at my side and my body was sizzling with alchemy, ready to transform at the drop of a hat.

But then the shopkeeper poked his head around the corner and let us have it. I thought I scared the bastard off earlier, but I guess not. Geez.

"You two boys need to calm down in here or I'm going to call the police! You're scaring away the other customers!"

I prepared to bite back at the scrawny old man, but Edward spoke first. "I'm very sorry sir. We were just about to leave and we will be purchasing a good deal of your clothing. Envy here just has a quick temper and I apologize for his actions."

Fucking suck up.

"Here let me help you then. I'll take some of your things to the front counter." The old man skirted around me in a wide circle, like he was scared I would bite. Well, judging by the look I could feel on my face, I just might. Edward pointed out the clothes he would be buying me and explained that the ones on my back were part of it as well.

We finally left the tense, cramped air of the dressing room and made our way to the front counter to pay. I stomped the whole way there, careful though not to break the floorboards with my deceptively large weight. I was glad that Edward seemed to have dropped the subject, but I also felt kind of mad that he was blowing me off. I also felt that prickling feeling from earlier. It was a nasty feeling and I felt as though I may have experienced it before. It was just hard to put my finger on it…but then it hit me.

I felt fucking hurt.

Edward pushed me away. Edward rejected me. What I felt was one sided.

I frowned even more at that thought as Edward finished his purchases and shoved a couple bags into my hands. True to my nature, I wanted to transform into someone else and hide away.

You may not know this about me, but as loud as I can be, deep down I really am shy, at least when it comes to my true self. I can be anyone I want to be, imitate any feature or mannerism. But when it comes to my preferred form (and even more so my true form) little things can hurt me. I hate how I look. I fucking hate it. And that's why I made my preferred form so beautiful. It's a piece of art that I created, and when people fuck with me or my art I get deeply hurt.

It's kind of ironic that the cutest homunculus is actually the most ugly, inside and out, isn't it?

Edward and I silently made our way out of the shop and down the street to his car that we left parked in front of the Eastern Command Center. The sky had gotten dark, like a heavy storm was coming. It perfectly matched the mood I was feeling. Fucking great.

As we made it to the car, I didn't protest who would drive. I simply sat in the passenger seat and stared intently out the window. I didn't want to make any eye contact with the little shrimpy bastard. But as he revved the engine, he spoke.

"Envy, we're going to talk about what happened. You're not getting out of it."

I spun around in my seat to glare at him. "I'm not fucking talking about anything."

"Well, you might not talk but I will. I need a little time to think about what just…happened. But once everyone is asleep tonight and no one can here us we'll talk. Hmm?"

I just crossed my arms over my chest and stuck my chin in the air. Condescending little fucker.

"Whatever," I growled.

The entire drive was carried out in a tense silence, but the closer we got to the Rockbell house the noisier my thoughts became. My stomach twinged in nervousness for what was to come after sunset.

Edward knew what was going through my head all day and he wanted to talk.

Fucking talk.

What kind of shit did I get myself into now?

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**A/N: **Woo hoo! The chapters keep getting longer and longer! I hope you liked the little Edvy time, although it spiraled into a vicious argument (but what do you expect from Edward and Envy?).

I tried to foreshadow who the other Homunculus alive was. Anyone want to guess? Hee hee. ;)

Thanks for reading! **~Marionx**


	7. Self-Conciousness

**A/N:** Yay! Another chapter! And it's super long...geez. I'm trying to update every two weeks.

Soooo, this chapter gets smutty. **M rating for yaoi is in full effect people! **This is the first time I've ever written a lemon, so I hope I didn't botch it. ;P

I'm trying to keep everyone in character, but Envy might get a little OOC. Can't help it though when he's attempting to be a human.

Anyways, I like how the chapter turned out. It's my favorite so far. Hope you like it too!

I don't own FMA. Never have, never will (besides my manga and posters).

**~Marionx**

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**Chapter 7: Self-Conciousness**

I was so very glad when that long drive back to the Rockbell house was almost over. The tension was so thick in the car that I felt like I could swim in it. All I could do was stare out the car window at the churning clouds in the sky. Looked like it was about to pour. I always hated the rain. My hair's a bitch and rain only makes it more of a pain in the ass. That being said, I've taken like…ten showers in my lifetime? Sounds gross, but when you can shape shift, there is no need to fix your hair or clean yourself. Just put on a whole new skin!

That was yet another thing that I was going to have to get used to. I highly doubt that Edward would let me go without showering. Honestly, I've already tried. Only lasted for about four days before that automail nutcase was chasing me into the bathroom with a wrench.

Never again.

I let out a small sigh and brought my hand through my hair, pulling all of it over one shoulder. It had been uncomfortable, tugging my scalp as it was caught between my back and the seat. Edward took that moment to speak up after what seemed like endless silence.

"Here."

He reached out his hand and passed me a hair tie. I took it quickly with a grumble and turned away from him again. Didn't want the shrimp to get any ideas. I wasn't grateful. No. And I certainly didn't fucking _like _him.

With my back slightly turned to Edward, I pulled the elastic over my slender wrist and drew my long, thick hair back with my fingers. I wrapped the hair tie around the ponytail I had made several times before giving it one last snap and tossing my hair over my shoulder again. My hair was so wild, that despite being pulled back, the ponytail still had a sharp, brackish quality to it.

Resting my face into my hand, I could feel the shorty staring at my back. Eyes on the road dumbass! We've already been over this once before!

But no matter the evil vibe I gave off, I continued to feel his gaze come and go from me. It was unnerving and made me sweat a little. My stomach churned, but not unpleasantly, more like a light, flip-flopping feeling. It felt horrible and exhilarating all at the same time. Edward was looking at me, _really_ looking at me. And he was thinking about me, I could tell. Me, the monstrosity that no one could love. Hell, I hardly love myself. I am envy incarnate after all; constantly unhappy with who I am and wanting what's out of my grasp. Pretty dismal.

But, to think that someone was thinking of me as something other than a tool, enemy, or comrade…it made me slightly happy. I'd never had that before.

I was smiling a little as we pulled up to the Rockbell house. The day didn't turn out to be too bad I guess. But little spit drops of rain had already started hitting the windshield, so the pipsqueak and I hurriedly grabbed the bags out of the back seat and made a run for the front porch of the house. We got there only a little worse for wear.

Alphonse was already at the door to usher us inside.

My body shivered a little as we pushed into the warm interior of the house. That storm brought with it the first real cold front of autumn. One thing that I fucking hate almost as much as pain is being cold. I'm an inherently chilly individual, being a homunculus. We don't really make our own body heat. At least, I don't. That's for sure.

So being an ice cube and surrounded by more cold shit takes me over the edge. I get a little freaky when I'm cold. I actually seek out physical contact! Woooah! Everyone better run for cover. I'll give you a big hug, with a knife behind my back. Ha!

Once we were inside and the door was closed, I could feel more than just the shorty's eyes on me. I whipped around and my hair whipped with me. Alphonse still stood at the door, a hand on one hip and a smile on his lips as he looked me up and down. Winry also came into the room from the doorway to the kitchen where she was working on dinner. She was the first to speak.

"Oh. My. God. You look so good Envy!" She practically was bouncing up and down with excitement. Typical woman.

"Yeah Envy, I'm impressed. You look more…normal?" Alphonse chuckled a little, "I'm surprised you got such a nice outfit. Brother isn't the best with his style-"

"HEY!" Edward was fuming.

"-but you must have good taste yourself. You look sharp" Alphonse smiled in that sickeningly sweet way he always does. I swear, that kid never gets angry. One day I want to bug the crap out of him until he breaks. That'll be a great day.

I just scratched the back of my head nervously, picking up on one of Edward's little ticks. "Uh…thanks I guess. It's not my normal choice of style and it'll take a lot of getting used to, but I think I can manage."

At that point we all looked to Edward, as he was the only one in the room who had yet to say anything. He merely shrugged and started making his way to kitchen.

"What's for dinner Winry?"

"Umm, I noticed it getting cold, so I made some of Granny's beef stew to warm us up. Too bad she has to be in Rush Valley right now. I'm sure hers would be much better than mine."

"I never understood how stew could turn the devil's cow juice into something so edible. But I bet yours is pretty damn good too Winry. You know, I always craved this stew while we were on our journey-"

Their voices trailed off as they went into the kitchen together, leaving Alphonse and I alone in the entryway. I was silent as my thoughts ran rampant.

Edward wanted to talk to me tonight about my….ugh…_feelings_, but yet now he didn't have the decency to give me two words? I felt hurt again like when we kissed in the clothing shop. Was he pushing me away? After all that happened today? He told me I was docile! That's a compliment, right?! And he liked my new look! I know the little fucker did because he _kissed_ me! Why was he being cold? Why why _why_?!

My frustration must have been showing on my face, because suddenly Alphonse was at my side with a hand on shoulder. I jolted from my thoughts at the gesture and stupidly thought for a moment that he was going to read my mind.

I kissed your brother! Your brother kissed me! Now he's ignoring me! Fuuuuuck!

I sighed and slouched a little, like I always tend to do, relaxing at the warmth that Alphonse's touch brought to me. A couple of hairs had come loose from my hair tie and were dangling around my face. I brushed them behind my ears with my thin fingers.

"You know, Brother is an ass sometimes."

I looked up at Alphonse. He was a couple inches taller than me, definitely taller than Edward. Bet that drove O' Chibisan up the wall.

"He doesn't do it knowingly, it just happens. I can tell he's bothering you, the way he's ignoring you. But, he only acts like that when he's thinking really hard or is conflicted about something. You two are like pieces of sandpaper rubbing together. Maybe you pushed him over some edge and now he just needs some space to think. But that's just my opinion."

Alphonse shot me another one of his sweet smiles before stooping to pick up some of my bags, the ones that Edward dropped at the door.

"Come on. Let's get these in your closet."

As we made our way slowly up the staircase, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.

"Alphonse…why are you so nice to me?"

He turned to look at me with confusion in his eyes, "What do you mean?"

I sighed and pushed the stray hairs out of my face again.

"Well, I mean, I'm not a good guy. I'm a fucking awful guy. I've started wars. I killed Maes Hughes. I know he was a friend of yours. I've killed just for the sake of killing! And inside I'm literally a fucking monster…you've seen me. How can anyone like me? How can anyone stoop so low as to be nice to someone like me? You should fucking hate me!"

I was raising my voice at that point. My emotions were burning me up from the inside out. The self-consciousness and hate were overwhelming. The corners of my eyes were prickling as tears threatened to form.

I really am an emo bitch, just like Greed always said.

We had made it to my room without a door and Alphonse was rapidly rubbing my back trying to get me to calm down. I was having a breakdown of sorts. How embarrassing…in front of one of the Elric brats too.

Once I was breathing normally again, Alphonse tilted my head up to look at him.

The clothes lay forgotten on the floor.

"Hey, snap out of it Envy! Alongside brother, you are one of the strongest people I know!"

I winced at the word 'people'. I'm not a person. I'm not human. I'm a fucking homunculus! But no one seems to care about that anymore…

"And I'm nice to you because, as far fetched as it seems, I forgive you for the things you've done! I can see that you have changed! You are completely different than you were months ago when we were preparing for the Promised Day! The fact that you could turn yourself around so completely is amazing. You are a good person deep inside Envy; I know it. I know what you really look like and what you've done, but you know what? You're better than that. Ed and the military let you live on the Promised Day, do you not think that says something about your worth?"

I never thought I would ever see anything but a smile on Alphonse's face, but in that moment he had the most concerned look I had ever seen on his features. His eyes glistened and I could see his desperation in them. They were almost the same color as Edward's, but they had a greener quality to them. They weren't nearly as breathtaking.

I sat a little bit straighter.

"Thanks Alphonse. That's really nice of you to say all that," I fidgeted with the bottom of my shirt, "It'll take a long while for me to be that accepting of myself though, and I don't think your brother will ever see past who I am and the things I've done."

He looked contemplative for a moment, "Is this about something that brother said to you? Is that why you're acting like this?"

"Yeah…well, no…um I mean…it doesn't matter anyways."

Alphonse rose from my bed and looked about ready to stomp out of my room and down the stairs to pummel the pipsqueak. Very reminiscent of his older counterpart.

"Damn it! Brother is always so clueless! I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind!"

"Wait!" I too rose from the bed and stepped out to stop him, "Don't. It won't make anything better between us. It's…kind of my fault that this whole thing began anyways. _But_, I refuse to give any details. And don't go asking your brother to spill any beans either, got that blondie?"

Alphonse looked confused for a moment but then nodded his head.

"If you say so. I'll respect what you want. But if brother is being a bully, let me know!"

I scoffed, "Thanks for the concern but I can fucking handle the shrimp by myself. I've been handling him just fine for the past four years."

Damn. Have I really known him that long?

We hung the rest of my new clothes in the closet in silence. The only words spoken between us were when Alphonse suggested asking Edward to let me have my door back. Wouldn't that be nice? Totally wasn't going to happen.

Once we finished, we began our trek back down the stairs. The aroma of beef stew reached my nostrils as I walked. Shit, it smelled good, and that was saying something, as I didn't eat often. I got myself a fair helping from the pot on the stove and sat down at my regular place at the table.

Despite the stew being delicious, dinner was damn awkward. It consisted of Edward talking endlessly to Winry about anything and everything I couldn't contribute to. Half the time it seemed like he was flirting, and that pissed me off even more. Alphonse cut in here and there, trying to change the topic of conversation, but that never lasted long. So, I stuck to just ignoring all of them and finishing off my stew in silence.

When I was done, I quickly cleaned my dishes and put them away, much different than my act from the day before. It's insane how much can change in a days time. I already feel like I've changed a lot.

I nabbed a random book from the sitting room as I made my way to the solitude of my room. Looked like a horror story. Right up my alley!

Pulling up a chair to the window in my room, I settled in, resting my feet up on the window ledge as I watched the rain smack against the pane in torrents. The sky was falling apart, just like me. Great.

Time slipped past me rapidly as I read through the book. The sun had set and the rain continued to slap against the window next to me, streaking down the glass like black blood in the night. Thunder rumbled and lightning lit up the room on occasion. I was enthralled with the book: the main character was trapped in a nightmare and couldn't escape without facing death. I could relate. Sounds a lot like my life under Father.

I was in such a daze that the sound of someone knocking on my doorframe startled me. I jumped a little in my chair as lightning exploded behind me.

Edward was standing in my doorway, fucking leaning on it like a prick.

"Fuck off."

"No," he took a step forward into my domain, "We said we would talk. That's what we're doing."

I rose from my chair and stalked over to him with a hiss, "After the silent treatment you gave me this afternoon, I don't think there is anything to talk about. I already know everything you're going to fucking say."

I could feel the hatred burning in my eyes. But all that hatred was just a shield for my true pain. The shorty would never know that though.

But he took me off guard and the hatred was replaced by confusion when his lips brushed against mine.

I pulled back quickly, as though his lips had burned mine. It really felt like they had; they were all tingly and the feeling was starting to spread in my body.

In the dim light of my lamp, I could barely see Edward's face, but I _could_ see that it was covered in the look that I couldn't put my finger on earlier that day in the store.

Edward advanced again and I was quickly backed into a wall with no escape. He placed one hand on the wall beside my head. I had let my hair down earlier and it was wild just like my emotions and racing heart.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I just needed some time to think. But Envy, if you won't let me talk, then at least let me demonstrate what I want to say."

And then he kissed me again. I must be dreaming.

Yeah. That's it.

But he didn't stop. His lips massaged against mine languidly and I felt all the previous tension roll off of my body and mind. If he was kissing me, then that meant I wasn't rejected, right? Aw fuck what it means. He was kissing me!

I brought one of my hands to the back of his head and undid his ponytail as we continued to frantically kiss each other. My fingers deftly ran through his golden hair and I bit his lower lip and deepened the kiss with my roving tongue. Edward was much more receptive than he was before and opened his mouth to mine with little effort. Our tongues fought fiercely for dominance.

He may have pinned me to a wall, but this homunculus wasn't going to give up easily.

I pushed one of my hands up under his shirt and felt along the contours of his spine. One of his hands came up to my hair and was playing with the thick black strands. I swirled our tongues together and ran mine over his teeth as I brought his body closer to mine. We pressed together desperately and he didn't pull away this time as my arousal rubbed against his hip. I could feel his own pressing into me as well, and that only turned me on more.

But then I had a moment of clarity.

I pulled back a little and he continued our contact by placing little kisses and bites along my jawline and neck.

"Um..nghh..Ed? How about we go somewhere a little more private. You seem to be forgetting that you took away my door," I smirked down at him.

He looked up from my collarbone with hooded eyes. The golden pools were smoldering. He seemed confused for a moment, but then released a small chuckle.

"Oh yeah. Ok, let's go to my room."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hall to his room like his life depended on it. He seemed pretty eager for what was to come. So much for talking.

The second he closed the door to his room, I yanked him by the arm and threw him onto the bed. The springs squealed in protest as my massive weight slowly slithered up his prone body. I prayed that everyone else was asleep in the house. Things were about to get noisy.

I swiftly pulled his shirt off and followed with mine. At that point he looked a little apprehensive again.

"Envy…I've uh never really…gone this far with someone before. Do you mind if tonight we don't…you know…"

I gave his earlobe a nibble and then whispered into his ear, "I won't fuck you tonight Ed, but I can't make any promises for the future."

I then began to grind my pelvis into his, rubbing our clothed erections together. He let out a delicious little moan as I came down on him again and again. His hands got brave and reached around to my ass and rubbed in time to my thrusts. I rained little kisses down on his chest and stopped to thoroughly suckle on each of his nipples. Our pants and moans continually filled the room and I could feel sweat beginning to dampen my headband. Fire coiled in my belly as I felt my arousal coming to a head.

I pulled back and lay beside him on the bed. He let out a disapproving sigh as I left his body and turned to look at me.

I stared deep into his golden eyes and he into my violet ones.

"Alright virgin Ed, don't want to push you too far in one night. I want to slowly pick you apart piece by piece. So how about for tonight we just jerk each other off, eh?"

I brought my hand to the bulge in his pants and he let out a wanton moan at the contact. I rubbed it up and down a few times before heading to the buttons on his pants. At that point he grew some balls and touched me too. I arched into his hand and let out an embarrassing moan of my own.

Remember? I'm loud.

We quickly tossed away each other's pants and underwear and were finally seeing each other 100%. Ed's dick was much larger than I expected it to be, based on his overall body size. It was downright…big. Fuck. I can make mine however I want it to look, but currently he was bigger than the optimal model I was sporting.

I guess I'll have to do a little remodeling in the future then.

His hand tentatively reached out and his fingers wrapped around my erection. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of someone else's hands on me. That never happened. Hell, even my own hands were seldom on me.

I grabbed his erection as well and we both started stroking in time with each other. I couldn't help myself and started moaning louder than before, moaning Edward's name.

"Ngghh…Ed…Yes…Fuck…"

He also was breathlessly saying my name in between moans.

I felt the fire in my stomach burn stronger and suddenly I was having the best orgasm of my life. Everything went numb and tingly as I shot my load all over Ed's hand and stomach. He milked me till it stung.

Then he orgasmed as well. With a loud grunt he came undone in my hand and slicked it with his hot juices.

We both lay panting in his bed. I was exhausted to my core. As lame as it was, that was the best sexual experience I had ever had. I have never wanted someone specifically before. It was always just for the sexual feeling, when it happened. I slowly opened my eyes and saw him looking back at me. His eyes were softer than I had ever seen them before.

"So, ready to talk now bastard?"

The way he said 'bastard' almost made it sound endearing.

"Why not," I growled at him playfully with a smirk.

"Well…you like me."

"I don't like you. I don't _like_ humans."

"You say that," he chuckled, "But you like me sexually. You are attracted to me."

"…Sure. Yeah. I guess."

"Well I like you too."

Even after everything that had just transpired, I still felt a little gasp escape my lips.

"You like me? How can you like me? You hate me."

"I _did_ hate you. But now…I feel drawn to you for some reason. I'm attracted to you. I want to know more about you. You've always been one of the homunculi, but who is Envy?"

I thought about that for a moment and came up with nothing. Who was I?

"What do you mean?"

"Like, what makes you and individual. Things like that," he saw the gears in my head turning a bit too hard and stopped me, "You don't need to tell me right now. I'm just talking."

I grunted in response and jolted a little as he reached out to touch the waves of black hair that were cascading down my side.

"You know, I've always thought your hair is so cool. The shape and the length. It's nice to know another guy that likes his hair long," He trailed his hand down my side a left it resting on my hipbone.

Deep inside my homunculus nature was screaming at me to stop this nonsense. I could practically hear Pride yelling in my head that I was a disgrace and a piece of shit worthy of death. But screw Pride! He's not around to bully me anymore!

"Umm…I've always loved your eyes, the color and how they so quickly show your emotions without you having to say a word. And I loved your height, when you were short. You were so cute and fun to tease." I gave Ed a wink.

"Hey hey _hey_! Watch yourself! We're playing nice here. And I'm not a super micro runt."

"Yeah, you're not. But, you will always be a pipsqueak, _pipsqueak_."

Ed yanked viciously on some on my hair and I let out a yelp. My headband was displaced slightly and I quickly moved to fix it.

"Stop! I want to see you without it."

My hand rested protectively over my forehead for a second before I let out a weak sigh and let him remove it.

Yet another one of my imperfections on display. Fuck.

Edward traced the triangular tattoo on my forehead lightly with his finger before ruffling my hair and pulling away.

"Why do you always wear this? You look better without it."

I knew he was right. I do think my hair falls better without the damn headband, but then the fucking triangle is always there.

"You know the red nodes on my back?" Edward nodded, "Well the nodes on my head are the same thing. They never go away. I don't like having a fucking ugly triangle tattooed on my head, so I wear the headband to make it look less…weird."

"It's not ugly Envy. It's part of you. You shouldn't hide it. I don't hide my automail leg. I used to, but now, fuck it. It's me, you know?"

I looked at the smile on his lips and felt one spreading on mine simultaneously.

"I guess I can start to not wear it, but only around the house."

We laid in silence for a little while before Edward spoke again.

"Envy?"

"Yup."

"I want to tell you something. I hadn't told you yet because I wasn't sure if I could trust you or not. But after tonight I definitely feel like I can."

"What is it?"

"I uh…a couple months ago I lost all that was me…"

"What the fuck is that cryptic shit supposed to mean?"

He gave me a playful shove, "I lost my alchemy. I can't do alchemy anymore."

I stared into his eyes for what seemed like an eternity. The Fullmetal Alchemist was no longer an alchemist? It made me hurt for him. That would be like if I woke up and was a human, all of my homunculus powers ripped from me. I pulled him close to me in an awkward hug, our soiled stomachs sticking together.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"I did it for Alphonse, to get his body back. That's how I did it. I gave the Truth my gate. It was an equivalent exchange."

"But still, alchemy was your life right? Shit, that must hurt so badly. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't shape shift. I would be lost, a shell. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you've been dealing with that. I would have tried to be less of a pain in your ass."

Edward laughed a little and nuzzled closer to my bare chest.

"It's alright Envy. I've started to come to terms with it, but's been hard."

"Is there anything that I can do?"

Edward was silent for a moment.

"You can stay here with me and sleep. I'd like that."

"That has nothing to do with your issues Ed and you know it, stop being a smart ass!"

He laughed a lot harder at that. Honestly, I liked the idea of staying with him in that bed, just holding onto each other all night.

"I'll stay with you, but what do we say to the others?"

Edward pulled back and looked at me. His face was scrunched up in thought.

"Hmmm…oh! I know! That you were scared of the thunderstorm!"

"Shit Ed! The two story tall monster is scared of a thunderstorm?! Seriously?"

"Or you can tell them we were messing around allllll night long-"

"Fuck that. I'm terrified of thunderstorms. They scare the shit out of me and I need to be comforted like a pussy. Now go to sleep Ed."

"Hmm…night Envy…"

We snuggled into each other and I felt his soft breaths against my skin. His warmth was spreading into me, taking away my perpetual chill.

And for once I had a very restful sleep.


	8. Uncomfortable

**A/N: **Why hello! I'm back again with another chapter!

I've been outlining how I want the rest of my chapters to be for this story and so far it looks like there could at least be 25 chapters, maybe more. Fun stuff! Also, I already have a sequel in mind and I'm itching to write it, but I'm getting waaaay ahead of myself there. The main character for it isn't even around yet in _Shades of_ Envy!Haha

By the way, since March when I first published _Shades of Envy_ I now have officially had over 3000 people view my story. I am mind blown. Even if you haven't commented on or favorited my story, I just wanted to say thank you for reading the monster I have created. :D

_I don't own FMA or the characters. This is all a figment of my creative and sometimes filthy imagination._

**~Marionx**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Uncomfortable**

I slowly came back to consciousness as light from the window began to leak into the room, signaling the beginning of a new day. I cracked my eyes open a bit only to be confused out of my mind. My face was buried in a halo of blonde hair and the chibi was curled up against my chest, breathing deeply in sleep. Now, I wasn't feeling too coherent at that moment and my initial reaction was to get the hell out of there, fast.

I shoved at Edward and scrambled against the sheets, trying to push him away from me, but his arms were wrapped too tightly around my torso and wouldn't budge. I started to hyperventilate.

Why the _fuck_ was I waking up in bed with the pipsqueak?

And why was I naked?!

Why was _he_ naked?!

I just laid there in a catatonic daze as Edward gazed up at me from my chest, having finally awoken.

"…Envy. Morning…"

I was shell-shocked for a couple more seconds before the events of the night came rushing back to me all at once. Had that really happened? It wasn't a dream? My stomach was twisting.

Based on my state of undress and the griminess of my belly, it definitely fucking happened.

Edward released me from his iron grip and stretched his arms over his head with a yawn. I could hear a couple of pops in his back as it released its tension. He sat up and the sheets lay bunched around his lap. Looking a bit more coherent himself, he finally looked at me and spoke what was on my mind.

"So umm…about last night…"

I could feel the tightness in my jaw. Might've been visible too. After all we'd been though, I could feel the rejection coming. It was all so far-fetched anyways! A homunculus and a human, together. And arch enemies at that. I didn't even fucking know what this was to begin with. I wasn't a human. Yeah, I'd been experiencing human feelings, but I'd seen that particular emotion associated with romance in the worms before. Never _ever_ would I let that one take me. Love, a load of shit that word was. Something weird was going on inside of me when I looked at the pipsqueak, that much I'd admit, but I didn't like him and I would never stoop so low as to…love him.

So what the fuck was I doing?

I felt the cold, ugly wall of my homunculus nature starting to rise up again. I slid as far as I could from Edward in the bed and turned so that my back was to him, closing him off from me. I just wanted it all to go away. I wanted him, so badly, but at the same time I chanted in my head over and over again, 'Please go away. Fucking go away. I never asked for this to happen to me. Shit.' That's right. My life as a homunculus was going to shit. I felt like Father was going to bust down that door at any second and catch me laying naked with one of the creatures he looked down upon as insects. I felt disgusted with myself about the whole situation I'd gotten into.

But at the same time, another part of me was pleading me to turn around. Telling me I was human. Telling me that if I didn't turn around and face the music, I'd be losing something I'd only dreamed of having in the first place. My emotions churned stormily within me as my two sides fought over what I was and what was the right thing to do.

My questions were answered for me though, when I felt a warm hand come to rest on my pale, bare shoulder.

"Envy…I…want to get to know you better. I was serious last night."

Rolling onto my back, I finally looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

"Ed, I…" I trailed off, lost for what to say.

What do you say when you're confused as hell? This was worse than being confused about whether you liked boys or girls. This was a situation that made me question everything that I held fundamental! Humans were below me. I could never allow myself to become close to a human. Hell, I never even allowed myself to open up to any of my fellow homunculi. None of us did. We were all too busy shielding our own problems and self-consciousness from each other. At least, I know that's what I did, being the disgusting bastard child of the fucked up family.

A hand waved rapidly in front of my face as Edward broke me away from my roving thoughts.

"Yo, Earth to the weirdo. You there?"

I grimaced at him. Well, better to be called a weirdo than a monster.

"If you really want to try to get to know me, go ahead. Just know that last night was a special circumstance. I'm not usually that…"

"Horny?"

"Yeah…No! Fuck! Shut up god damn it! I'm not usually that open about talking. And I _never_ get affectionate."

Edward chuckled, "You know, people would usually say the same thing about me actually. Just ask Al."

I thought back to my conversation with the ol' tincan the day before and couldn't help but screw with the shorty a little.

"Speaking of your brother, we had a little heart to heart yesterday."

Edward looked genuinely surprised at that.

"Oh really now?"

"Yeah," I smirked, "He said, 'brother can be an asshole sometimes.' Some pretty sage advice if I've ever heard it."

Of course I left out the part where he comforted me as I had a mental breakdown, but Ed didn't need to know that.

Seeing steam practically shoot from his ears though was very _very_ worthwhile. Fucking sweet. Felt like everything was going back to status quo.

Edward was suddenly very awake and jumped out of the bed, ready to stomp down the hall and pound down Alphonse's door. But, he seemed to be forgetting that he was in the nude. Mmm mmm, what an eyeful! Why was I so worried before? I'm supposed to be rolling with all this. I just needed to suck up my thoughts and keep them for a later date. Bottle them up.

Well, if my inner conflict means that I get a piece of that sweet ass, I'll go through hell.

Seeing Edward go raging naked down the hallway would have been fucking hilarious. I used to live for shit like that. But, something possessed me to grab his boxer shorts off the floor and fling them in his face. His reaction to their impact wasn't as funny as his naked rage would have been, but it was still pretty damn good.

"MMMGNNPHH!"

That's the lovely sound that came out of his mouth as he flailed around like a wet noodle.

"Damn it Envy!"

I smirked up at him from the bed, feeling rather diabolical for some reason.

"Even after last night, I can't catch a break can I, bastard?"

I nodded my head vigorously, feeling the strands of my black hair whipping around me. "No matter what you do Ed, you will always be my plaything. I will always be looking for ways to screw with you. Watch your fucking back." I felt my smirk take on a manic quality, practically spreading from ear to ear. The crazy was radiating off of me.

Greed used to always tell me to keep my ass 10 feet from him because he didn't want to catch "The Crazy". He was already a fucking crazy bastard!

I watched from the bed as Ed let out a huff, slipped on his boxer shorts, a T-shirt, and reached for the door handle. He turned around to look at me, "I gotta piss. I'll be right back."

But as he opened the door, neither of us was expecting Alphonse to be standing on the other side of it, poised to knock. Holy shit!

Edward let out a yelp as he quickly tried to close the door again, only to have Alphonse stick his foot in the frame. I was dumbfounded for a moment, and then remembered that I was lying _naked_ in Edward's bed. "Shit!" I hissed under my breath as I made a dive under the covers in an attempt to hide myself. The blankets were still warm from Edward's body heat and smelled musky like him. I could totally just hide there all day.

Too bad for me that my hair is fucking long, and, of course, didn't go all the way underneath the covers.

"Edward?" I heard Alphonse say at the door, "Umm…why is Envy hiding in your blankets?"

I sucked in a sharp breath and could feel my stomach knotting up. I was still grappling with this new development in me and Ed's…_relationship_ to each other. I certainly didn't want any other people being in on the secret just yet, no matter how sickingly sweet Alphonse was.

I could hear Ed shuffling his feet self-consciously.

"What're you talking about Al! Envy's not in my bed!" He laughed too loudly.

"Brother…his hair is sticking out of the blankets."

"No it's not! You're crazy Al!"

"I heard you talking to him Edward."

"No no no! I was just mumbling to myself!"

"But brother-"

"Al! Come on, let's go downstairs and start making breakfast. I'm sure Envy will come down later once he's showered and stuff. Alright? Alright! Let's go!"

I could visualize Edward wheeling Alphonse around and pushing him forcefully out the door. The latch snapped shut and I shot out from under the blankets with a gasp. That was so damn close! Well, technically the little blonde brat caught me red-handed, but still. Ed would work something out, right?

I hoped so. I wasn't ready to confront any of these weird feelings yet.

Thinking back on what Ed said as he left the room, and looking at the dried up mess on my stomach, I decided it was time for a shower.

My immediate impulse was to alchemize some clothes onto my body, but just before I felt the crackle of the philosopher stone's power, I glanced at my strewn clothes on the floor and bent down to pick them up instead. I held the boxer shorts between two of my long fingers and gave them a disgusted glare.

"Fucking underwear. Fucking pants. Fuckity _fuck_."

Wow, my vocabulary sure has gotten beautiful in the last 175 years.

I stepped into the shorts, one foot at a time, and brought them up to rest on my hips. Then, I managed to locate my own button-up shirt from the night before and slipped it on as well. I felt like a whore, wearing a man's dress shirt, and making the walk of shame. Disgusting. I wanted Ed, and I liked what we did, but I was disgusting.

Running my hand through my hair and untangling the knots with my fingers, I shuffled over to the door. I stifled a small yawn as I opened it and stepped into the hallway. Making a quick stop in my own room to grab some new clothes, I then went across the hall to the bathroom.

I set the water to run, so that it would warm up by the time I climbed into the shower. Once I had stripped my body of all clothing, I took a good look at myself in the mirror.

My hair was long and stringy, like always, but I lacked my headband and it hung more gently around my face. Despite being muscular, I really did have a feminine body. My shoulders were broad, but my waist dipped smoothly in and my hips had effeminate curves. What I really look like played a large role in how I shaped my preferred form. I hate when people call me ugly, but I only get mad because I know it's true. I'm fucking ugly. I mean, envy itself is an ugly emotion. Came with the territory I guess.

I finally stepped under the hot spray of the showerhead and a shiver rolled down my spine as I thought back on the first few years of my life. They were dark times. When I was first born, I looked like my unleashed form and greatly struggled with the concept of transformation. I'll always remember the looks on Pride, Lust, and Greed's faces as I emerged from the smoke of the transmutation. They were mortified. Disgusted. But I only knew my true form when I was born and was severely affected by their faces and comments.

_"Father, what is that thing!?"_

_"Surely that's not a homunculus."_

_"Holy shit old man! What the hell did you make?! That thing really is ugly as sin!"_

I was a thing. Not a person. Not a homunculus. An ugly ass _thing_.

I tried to hide myself, but being two stories tall and covered in oozing, screaming souls made that quite difficult. I remember fighting back tears as I tried to compress my body for the first time. It was almost painful to stick all of that mass into a small space. I wasn't very successful. Though I managed to make a form in the shape of a human, its skin was still deep emerald green and oozed the souls of the philosopher's stone. I ran from the room as I listened to Greed cackling behind me.

"Run away you ugly fuck! Haha! I'm _Greed_ and I couldn't even want you!"

I stayed in a separate chamber of the underground tunnels for a good two years, only being visited by Father on occasion. He urged me to come out of hiding. Told me that if I didn't shape up soon, he'd have to return me to himself. I worked so hard during those years to master my body. I didn't want to die just after I was born. By the end of the second year, I stood proudly in front of a floor length mirror and admired the preferred form I had made for myself. Feminine, because females were small and cute, the opposite of what I really was. Masculine, because males were always the in command and got what they wanted. I made sure to clothe my masterpiece in a way that would show off my accomplishments.

The next day I emerged and took my rightful place in Father's room as Envy the Jealous. From then on I was the most ruthless and boastful of all the homunculi. The look on Greed's face when he found out who I really was was damn priceless!

I chuckled to myself at the memory as I finished rinsing the conditioner out of my long hair and turned off the water flow. My hair stuck to my body in thick, dripping clumps as I just stood there for a minute thinking.

No matter how confident I've always acted, I've secretly hated myself my whole life. It's quite a burden to bear. But now someone liked me. Me, the real me, not the body that I created to cover up my true self. I still didn't know what to think. But I did know that I felt lucky: lucky that I got a second chance at life and lucky that it hadn't become as much of a damn train wreck as my life under Father.

Stepping out of the shower, I made quick work of toweling myself off and slipping on my new clothes for the day. I wore the same pair of tight black pants as before, but today I had on a loose green tank top with them. My hair was still dripping so I wrung it out and stuck it into a ponytail, slightly on the side of my head. Wisps of hair fell out around my face and I tucked them behind my ears the best I could. Taking a look in the mirror I grinned widely. I was pretty hot. I'd totally do me!

Making my way down the staircase, the fucking beautiful aroma of breakfast hit my nose. I won't lie, this whole eating regularly thing is really growing on me. Especially when the food is so damn good!

I worked hard not to drool as I entered the kitchen. Seeing everyone in there though made my heart skip a beat. Winry had her back to me, frying something delicious on the stove, but Ed and Al both looked up at me as I walked to my regular seat. I couldn't help but notice that the ex-tincan turned his eyes away from me just as soon as he caught sight of me. Very suspicious. I was also very conscious of the fact that my forehead was bare for the first time, in front of everyone in the house. I dipped my head down and began to fidget nervously with my fingers under the table.

Ed leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Hey, everything is ok with Al. I just told him that you were a little scared of the storm, like we talked about. Just act normal and no one will have to know."

His breath near the shell of my ear brought back fond memories of the previous night and covered my body with goosebumps. I thought those only happened when you got cold? Well I guess not.

I nodded my head briefly and put my head down onto my arms, hiding my face from the others in the room. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes and I swear could feel Al staring a hole into my head. I was tempted to flip him off. Little prick!

But then he finally broke the quiet, "So yesterday I received a letter in the mail."

Yeah DUH. Captain Obvious…

"What'd it say Al?"

Oh this is getting good.

"It was from Xing! A formal invitation from Emperor Ling Yao to travel to his country on a visa and study alkehestry with May! Oh brother! I'm so excited!"

I bet he was excited. Excited to get in little rice girl's panties!

I made eye contact with Edward and waggled my eyebrows suggestively. Surely he was on the same page as me. I know now that he is totally not innocent.

The harsh kick to the shin that I discreetly received under the table was a definite conformation. I hissed in pain and he snickered.

"When would you be going?" Winry asked.

"They said they would send an envoy to meet me at the border in Youswell on September 23rd. Seeing that it's already the 9th, in two weeks exactly." He was beaming.

Edward visibly stiffened at my side. "Al, you're still gaining your strength back and need more time to recover. You're not ready to cross the desert. It's too soon."

"You know what brother, I'm practically an adult. I held a huge hand in stopping the promised day. That alone makes me mature enough to make my own decisions. I appreciate that you want to look out for me, but I want to do this. I am more ready than I could ever be. Besides, you shouldn't worry so much about me. You have your own things that you should be worried about Edward."

Daaaamn! Since when did Al get so sassy? Teenage hormones at their finest!

And, was I imagining it, or did he make a very pointed glance at me when he said Edward had his own things to worry about? Fucking overactive imagination…

It was then that Winry asked what Edward's plans for the future were. He seemed to be at a loss for a few moments before he answered truthfully, "I don't really know. Why?"

"I don't know Ed. I just thought that after all these years spent running around on your journey you'd finally be ready to settle down right about now." I saw a light blush begin to dust her cheeks.

Oh no she fucking didn't. I just got the damn midget. He's mine you fucking bitch!

My fists were clenching and unclenching dangerously in my lap. I could feel my pure fury bubbling up inside of me as I sent one of the nastiest looks I could manage flying her way. No one seemed to notice my quiet fuming. If the bitch laid one filthy hand on my pipsqueak there would be hell to pay. Fucking. Hell. To. Pay.

Ed just continued to carry on with her all through breakfast. He was one oblivious bastard! I've spent my fair share of time as a woman and know all the tricks to get close to a man. The bitch was shamelessly flirting with him. Buttering him up, and he as taking it! I was nearly shaking trying to control myself. I couldn't lose control. My fingers quaked a little as I glared down at them.

They were so fucking familiar with each other. I know they've known each other for a long time, but they acted like they were already married. The little touches they shared made me want to puke. They were in their own little bubble, not giving a shit about anyone around them. Not giving a shit about me. I wanted Edward to look at me. He shouldn't be looking at her. Look at me! Fucking look at me Edward!

I wanted to snap at her, get nasty. Tell her that his cock played for the other team. I was about to too, when Edward finally acknowledged me after what seemed like an eternity.

"Earth to Envy! Did you hear me?"

I gave a guttural grunt in response, "What?!"

"I asked if you wanted to do housework with me today. Some things need to be done outside and the roof needs to be fixed after that big storm. It'll be a two man job. You up for it?"

I pushed my chair back and sauntered over to the door. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Not like there's anything better to do in this damn hell hole…"

He followed right on my heels out the door and into the chilly morning air. I could hear him muttering under his breath, just loud enough that it was obvious he wanted me to hear.

"Damn bipolar homunculus bastard…"

"Fucking microscopic chibi freak…"

"I'M NOT SO SHORT I COULD JOIN A FLEA CIRUS AND BE THE STAR OF THE SHOW!"

I sighed and tucked my loose hairs behind my ears again.

"I'll never get tired of that, you know?"

"Bastard…"

* * *

Oh my god. I've done a lot of physical labor in my life, but never like this. Father always gave this type of shit to Sloth to do. That lazy fuck needed it. But, me? I was the planner, the conniver. Every once in a while I'd have to go out onto the field and would inevitably get hurt. Pain sucks ass.

But now I'm sitting on the roof, the wind blowing me as I precariously sway back and forth. I'm bundled up in a warm coat, because the weather has definitely taken a turn for the worse. My head is tucked as far as it will go into the collar of my coat. I look like a fuzzy turtle.

"Envy!" Edward called from across the roof, "Come on! I'm almost done fixing my side! Get a move on! The quicker you fix those shingles, the quicker we can go inside to have hot chocolate!"

Chocolate? Oh hell yes. I better get going.

Now, if only i could figure out how to work this...thing.

I stared down at the piece of iron on a wooden stick and scrunched my face up in confusion.

Edward finished his side of the roof and came over to my side. "What the hell is wrong Envy? It's like you've never seen a hammer before." He started laughing heartily.

"A...hammer?"

He immediately stopped laughing and looked at me with incredulity. I almost started blushing under his intense gaze. He was also pretty close to me too. Good thing Winry and Al were both inside. We would have looked awfully suspicious.

The shorty was looking at me like I was a dumb ass. I don't take shit like that from humans!

"Of course I know what a hammer is! Don't fucking look down on me Ed!"

"Well then let's see you swing it."

"...swing it?"

"Yeah, use the hammer."

I stared intensely back down at the hammer in my hands, willing it to magically work. Fat chance. I decided to just attempt an imitation of what I had seen Ed doing all afternoon. Positioning a nail between two dainty fingers I swung the hammer down and hit the head with a loud THWACK!

Fucking missed and slammed my fingers.

"SHIIIIIIIIT!" I howled at the top of my lungs and sent the hammer flying off the roof. Heads up!

As swayed back and forth, cradling my hand like a baby, I noticed that I was no longer sitting upright on the roof. Actually, was beginning to slide down the side of it. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the edge of the roof rapidly approaching. I was going to fall off of the roof and I was too distracted by the pain in my fingers to think to grab the edge!

"Oh crap!" I yelled as I plummeted to what would surely be a death.

I could hear Ed desperately screaming for me on top of the roof.

"Oh fuck! ENVY! No! Grab my hand! NO! Grab the roof! Shit! Envy noooooo!"

Bastard actually cares about me.

I hit the cold hard ground with a sickening thud and could feel the vertebrae in my neck snap like toothpicks. My leg felt warm and wet, and I attempted a look down at it, only to see a large hunk of white bone protruding as blood oozed out everywhere. Then, little white spots began to dance over my vision and my whole body started to numb. I was dieing. At least the pain didn't last long...

...When I started to come to, I could feel someone looming over my body. Their breath was frenzied and hit my face in waves. The person smelled earthy and musky. Edward.

Prying open my eyelids was always really hard after I died. I always wanted to stay asleep and not have the risk pain ever again. Dieing was not fun.

Nonetheless, I cracked my eyes open bit and gazed blearily up at Edward's pools of molten gold. They glimmered in the evening sun with...tears?!

None ran down his face, but Edward definitely had tears in his eyes as he let out a sigh of relief and crushed me in a huge hug. I stiffened at the contact initially, but eventually softened up and placed my hands delicately on his back. He whispered in my ear, "Envy, you're ok. Good. I was so damn worried."

I gave a pained chuckle and smirked at him, "I'm a homunculus Ed. I die all the time. Doesn't mean I like it, but I will always come back. Also, get off of me. I didn't know midget alchemists weighed two tons."

He rolled off of my body and laid beside me with a laugh. "Actually, that would be you Envy. You weigh two tons."

"ARE YOU CALLING ME AN UGLY FAT ASS CHIBI?!"

"ARE YOU CALLING ME SO SMALL I COULD LIVE IN THAT ANT HILL OVER THERE?!"

Laughter wracked my body and I rolled around in the grass. That little guy, I swear. He's so entertaining!

Finally getting up, I held out a hand to the pipsqueak, helping hoist him up. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and we both chuckled as we made our way back to the house.

"Don't scare me again like that Envy."

"I'll try not to. No guarantees."

It was then that I noticed Al sitting quietly in a rocking chair on the porch. He probably saw everything that just happened. That little blondie just _loved_ to be a voyeur, didn't he? I turned my nose up to him as we reached the door and removed my arm from his brother, like nothing occurred.

Alphonse smiled knowingly and followed us inside, the promise of hot chocolate calling all of our tastebuds.

* * *

**A/N: **I have something downright hilarious planned for the next chapter. Look forward to it...;)


	9. Envy

**A/N:** Hey everyone! I'm really sorry about being late with this update. I feel really bad about it. Lately, I wasn't feeling very inspired to write and didn't want to make writing this story a chore. I want to have fun with it! So I wrote slooowly…

Also, real excuse, I had final exams for my summer O-Chem classes during the last two weeks. So, those came before _Shades of Envy_.

But I'm back again (and hopefully with semi-regular updates). I know I mentioned that this chapter would be hilarious, and it may be a little, but it's not as funny as it seemed in my head. Maybe I'm a bit of a sadist. haha

One last personal rant: I'm going to my first anime convention! I'll be going to AnimeFest in Dallas this weekend. If you happen to be from Texas, going to the con, and see Envy walking around with a coatless Edward, that would be my boyfriend and I! I will be Envy, of course, and I doubt there will be many Envy's about. Feel free to say hi. I don't bite!

Well, I still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters, sadly…

Enjoy! **~Marionx**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Envy**

We started to get bold towards the end of the week, peeking around corners to make sure no one was looking and then passionately kissing with tongue. Ohhhhhh Edward was certainly a bad little guy. Wonder if that blonde bitch knew the sexual beast she was chasing. She couldn't handle this; only I could handle it. She needed to back off!

One afternoon, Ed and I were very alone in the sitting room. The bitch had gone into town and Al had gone…somewhere. I don't know. I don't keep tabs on that blonde brat.

Ed was lying sprawled on the couch, silently reading a book. The sun from the window danced across his golden hair and made it shine brilliantly. He was gorgeous. His eyes flicked across the pages of his book, something about alchemy, and those golden circles flashed as the sun hit them. Gate bless the genetics of Xerxes!

I was lying on my back on the carpet, legs kicking back and forth in the air as I twirled a strand of my hair around a thin finger in boredom. That day I'd opted to wear the light grey skort that I snuck into the clothes purchase a week prior. When I first came out of my room in the morning, the look on Ed's face had been priceless. His jaw had dropped to the floor and he'd screeched, "Envy! Where the _hell_ did you get that thing?!"

"You bought it for me, don't you remember?" A shit-eating grin had spread from ear to ear on my face.

"I most certainly did NOT buy that for you! What happened to dressing normal?! I thought you were going to be male! You can't just up and change your sex when you feel like it Envy!"

"Oh really? And why not?"

"Because…because people don't see that as normal Envy. Men don't dress as women. It just doesn't happen. Sorry."

I had plucked at the loose shirt that showed my midriff. Did I mention I modified the shirt too? Well I did. Chopped half of the fucker off so I could show off my sexy abs with my skort. "I don't see anything wrong with it. Not like I'm going out anywhere anyways. No one will see me."

Edward just sighed in obvious frustration, threw his hands up in defeat, and walked into the kitchen.

Oh, I really do love this skort! It looks and feels great _and_ pisses Edward off! We were meant to be together.

As much as Edward can be entertaining, he can also be boring as hell. Take, for example, this instance, where he's been silently reading for hours while little old me just laid here begging for attention. I'd tried every attractive pose in the book and nothing could take his eyes from those pages. Laying and admiring Ed could only be exciting for so long. I'm an attention whore, and currently no one had been dishing out.

I slowly sat up and slithered my way over to the couch, climbing on top of Ed and sliding up his toned body until my nose nudged the spine of his book. _That_ got his attention.

He lowered the book to the side of his body and gave me a look, his face scrunched up in frustration. I merely smirked at him, as sweetly as I could smirk, and brushed a lock of his hair with my fingers.

"Oi Edward. What's so interesting about that book anyways? I could show you something much better. Let's make some real alchemy right here..."

I leaned up and captured his lips with mine, effectively pinning him against the arm of the couch he was laying on. He kissed me back fervently but at the same time growled in protest.

"Envy...quit it. Get off me. mgggh..."

I silenced him once again as my tongue lapped at his lower lip and he gave me entrance. I plundered his mouth with my tongue and interlaced it with his. Edward seemingly gave up his protests as I felt his hands come up around to my lower back, pressing my body desperately against his. I groaned into the kiss.

"Fuck Ed..."

My deft fingers came up to his head and threaded through his hair as I began to gently grind my body against his, sending delicious shocks down below. I was getting hard, fast, and I could feel Edward growing more needy beneath me by the second. The world around us was a fog. Just as my hand had snaked down to his thin hip, I heard someone harshly clear their throat in the doorway.

"Ahhem!"

Edward didn't seem to notice the noise at first. I lazily turned my head to glance up and he continued to nip and suck at my exposed neck. I smirked at the figure in the doorway with lust-clouded eyes.

"BROTHER!"

That snapped Ed out of it. His eyes grew wide as saucers and he shot up gasping from beneath me, effectively crashing his skull into mine.

"Damn it pipsqueak! What the hell?!"

He instantly fired back, "WHO'RE YOU CALLING SHORT ENOUGH TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE DUST MITES?!"

"EDWARD."

The tone of Alphonse's voice sent shivers down my spine. Who knew the sweet little guy could sound mean enough to slaughter a basket of kittens? Wow, I'm so proud of him, growing some balls.

Edward and I were, at that point, perched on opposite ends of the couch. He was a red, spluttering mess. I was still panting from the kiss and refused to meet Al's eyes again, out of embarrassment. I could tell we were about to get it, from the younger sibling no less.

"Wow…I won't lie and say I had no idea there was something going on between you two. But, seriously, I think I've seen enough to understand. Brother…could you please…get a room or something?"

I could hear the blush in his voice as he finished his rant and couldn't help a snicker from escaping my lips. Edward shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

"Al, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry."

My eyebrows arched at that and I lifted my head up to inspect the two brothers, my hair flipping back wildly in the process. Ed spoke again.

"But Al, aren't you disgusted with me…kissing a man?"

"What's wrong with kissing man, huh?" I interjected.

Both brothers turned to look at me like I was crazy. Well, I am a little crazy honestly.

"I'm serious! What's the big fucking deal?"

Edward sighed in frustration and pushed his bangs aside with his fingers, "Envy, I know you've been alive a long time in Amestris. I'm surprised you haven't seen it."

"Seen what? Spit it out brat."

Al spoke up, "Men don't have openly romantic relationships with other men in this country. It's just not socially acceptable. It's a taboo."

I pondered on that for a moment, then waved my hand in the air, like I was pushing the whole concept away. "Honestly, you humans are such stupid creatures. What should it matter? It's just sex."

Both Ed and Al visibly tensed at that word and Al softly whispered, "You haven't had sex, have you brother?"

"NO!"

Again I put a hand to my mouth, stifling a fit of vicious giggles. "You certainly don't act that way at night Eddy boy."

I got a rough smack to the shoulder from Ed before he rounded on his brother again, desperately spewing apologies for both our actions. He didn't need to apologize for me though. I wasn't sorry one bit. As fond as I've been growing of the Elric brothers, watching them squirm would never lose its fun.

"Like I said Edward, don't be sorry. I'm not prejudiced like all those other people out there. I'm ok with it. I just don't particularly need to see you making out with each other in public spaces. Could you please refrain from that? That's all I ask."

He looked at me then and I threw up my hands in surrender, my violet eyes getting wide with a look of innocence. "Why are you looking at me tin can? Just because I'm a homunculus doesn't make me a sex fiend!"

He chuckled lightly, "I know Envy, I know. You guys just be careful. Unfortunately, a lot of people hate you already Envy, for even existing-"

I grunted and crossed my arms indignantly.

"-and people would feel even more uncomfortable if they knew you were in a relationship with Edward."

"I'm not in a _relationship_."

Edward scoffed, "Yeah yeah, you keep saying that." He smirked at me haughtily, but not for long as I gave him a swift punch to the shoulder. Payback bitch! He rubbed his shoulder gingerly and childishly stuck his tongue out at me. I returned the gesture.

Alphonse propped a hand on his hip and smiled sweetly at us. "You guys are funny. Now, I'm ok with this, but I don't know about Winry. I'd be careful around her brother. You don't want to hurt her."

I could feel my blood begin to boil at the mere mention of that girl's name. My fists clenched at my sides as I had a bipolar moment and the light smirk on my face instantly turned down into a look of death. Neither of the brothers took notice of my bristling though and continued on.

"Yeah Al, I'll be careful. I don't want to make her upset. Thanks for being cool with everything."

Alphonse blushed a little and waved Ed's words away. "Yeah yeah. I'm always here for you Edward."

I could barely hear them continuing to carry on around me as I drowned in my own thoughts. A darkness had come rushing over me that I hadn't felt in a good while. I had deluded myself into thinking it was gone for good, but no. It was always there, lurking in the back of my mind. It was what I was.

That bitch. _That fucking bitch_. Finally I get something in my life that makes me happy, really happy, and then she has to come in and steal his attention. His attention should be on me, Envy, not that slut. All she does is come on to him constantly and I have to sit back and take it. And she flirts with him shamelessly in public. I want to do that! That's my fucking job! MINE!

The philosopher's stone inside of me crackled, egging on my stormy emotion, making it the only emotion I knew. My vision began to cloud and I gritted my teeth as it took over. I finally succumbed to my envy.

* * *

The remainder of the day was a blur to me. I was a zombie, fighting an internal battle with my own thoughts. They were dark and clouded my vision as I bumbled through my day. Edward and Alphonse must have seen that I was a loose canon, and didn't come within 10 feet of me all afternoon. Edward, surprisingly, didn't speak to me either. I'd expected him to come to me with his whiny human shit. 'Envy! Something's eating away at you! If we talked about it everything would be better!'

Fuck that.

The only cure for my envy, as I had learned long ago, was someone else's blood dripping from my fingers and healthy bit of maniacal laughter. Only murder, and watching someone else experience suffering, would ease my endless envy and make it bearable.

Edward might have also not been associating with me because the bitch was back. She had run to town to pick up some groceries, but was now slaving over a pot as she made stew.

I made sure to keep a reasonable distance from her. Close enough to keep my vicious eye on the slut and far enough so I didn't dismember her. I knew that if I got too close, her pretty little neck would be snapped like a toothpick. Ed would never forgive me for that. I let out a low growl of frustration.

She gave the pot one last stir and tasted the stew with a finger. Seemingly pleased with her work, she made her way to the front door, her socked feet slapping quietly against the wood floor as she headed out to the porch. Of course, I followed.

What I saw made me bristle with anger.

Edward was sitting alone on a bench on the porch, silently watching the sun begin its descent over the horizon. He looked up as she approached and gestured for her to take a seat next to him. I felt my control begin to snap as my envy neared a head.

They spoke in soft whispers, but I heard every word that left the bitch's lips. Each word sent my philosopher's stone sparking. She told him that she missed him while he was away. She told him she was happy he was home. She begged him to stay with her, to start a real life with her. She told him that she loved him and tentatively leaned in for a kiss. My fists clenched so roughly at my sides that blood began to drip onto the floorboards from where my nails were biting in. I was oblivious to the pain though, because the second her lips touched his, I went storming through the door.

It flew back on its hinges, smacking loudly against the wall. I didn't check to see if I had broken it. Ed and the bitch looked up at me, first in surprise and then in fear as they saw the red electricity shooting across my limbs. My control on my body was slipping and I could feel my eyes start to change color, the right one black as pitch and the left one gaining multiple irises. My mouth was turned down in a wicked scowl as I breathed rapidly and tried to maintain control of my form.

It may look easy to shape shift, and it generally is. The smaller the body I imitate, the harder it gets. It's a little tough to shove all two tons of me into a tiny container. Bigger forms are easier to maintain. Human forms are manageable with little work, as long as I consciously keep them up in the back of my mind. Now, my true form, it likes to rear its head whenever it likes. The angrier or more envious I get, the more likely the beast comes out to play. I have no control over it, as much as I'd like to. It's just another part of being me, disgusting old me.

Right then the beast wasn't bothering to knock on the door. It was barging right in.

I grabbed the front of Winry's blouse with a green clawed hand and flung her forcefully out into the yard. She hit the ground hard and a wheeze escaped her lungs. Ed tried to grab me from behind to restrain me, but I shrugged him off and stomped my way down the stairs. I finally stood before the little home wrecker, looming as my red electricity set the air around me sparking.

"What the FUCK were you just doing to Edward you little bitch!?" I spat in her face. My mane of hair was rising spikily around me, making me look all the more dangerous. I could vaguely hear Ed screaming something from the porch, but I couldn't comprehend it over my own envy.

Winry sputtered for a second, trying to get a grip on her fear of me. I could see it glistening in her tear filled eyes. "I…I was talking to him a-about his future. I-I want to b-be with him."

That was the final straw for me and I felt my inner resolve snap like a twig. Guttural screams echoed through the evening air as I underwent my transformation. My back arched in a way no human's should as my other six arms came tearing from my sides, oozing bodily fluids. My body twisted and turned sickeningly as my skin tinted green and I landed on all eight legs. Finally, the souls that make me tick came bursting forth all over my body like infected cysts, dripping fluids and screeching in multiple tones.

"_Mommy!_"

"_Kill me…kill me, please!_"

"_Play with me! Play with me!_"

"_Don't look at me!_ _DON'T LOOK AT ME_!"

Hearing Edward running up behind me, I swung my tail around in a blind rage, effectively sending him flying back into the siding of the house. "_Stay out of this, brat!" _My voice rang out eerily.

Turning back to the little slut, I saw that she was making a break for it, running towards the road. I shot my brown, dripping tongue out to catch her. It wrapped around her torso and squeezed tightly, nearly popping her ribs. She was gasping for breath as I brought her very _very _close to my right eye. I gazed deeply at her, my one eye practically the size of her whole body.

"_Now you listen here you fucking whore. You leave Edward alone. He's not yours to take. You stay the fuck away from him, you worm!_"

The rumbling of my voice sent Winry into hysterics. She was bawling and her makeup streaked down her cheeks in torrents. Hiccupping she squeaked out, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

I merely scoffed and went into a round of hysterical laughter. It bounced off all of the surrounding buildings and I could feel Winry quaking in my grasp. Distantly I heard Ed and Al yelling at me from the house, but I continued to drown them out. Instead I stared fixedly at Winry and spoke again. "_I ought to crush your spine right now. Take you right out of this world. You're just another filthy human who can't see the obvious. Edward doesn't want you honey. No one wants you. Who could want a machine-head freak? But honestly, I bet you're a lesbian. I bet thinking about other women just makes you DRIP, eh?!"_

I flicked Winry in the head with the fingers on one of my front hands and she screeched in pain. Ed, at that point was beating uselessly at my legs with the handle of a shovel, hollering nonsense and trying to get my attention. Getting annoyed with the incessant prodding, I finally decided to tune into him.

"_Pipsqueak, I thought I told you to stay out of this! This is between me and the bitch here! Get back!"_

Edward continued to whack me with the shovel as he screamed over my own moaning souls, "No Envy! I'm a part of this too! Damn it, you put her down right now! I know exactly what's going through that thick head of yours and it's unfounded!"

Cackling, I quirked an eyebrow up at Ed. "_You act like you know me. Like you know what it's like to be me! Tell me then shrimp, why am I mad?! You perfect little shit!"_

Edward fixed me with a confident glare and I couldn't help but be taken by his gaze. His hands were on his hips and the well-abused shovel lay forgotten at his feet.

"You're jealous! You're envious Envy!"

Just like the time in the tunnel under Central command, I was taken aback by his words. I know I was acting out of uncontrolled envy, but having someone else call me out on it always got to me. I crouched down, stunned, as I dumped Winry at Ed's feet. She coughed harshly as she struggled to catch her breath. Ed immediately rushed to her aid and I was about ready to pounce again when he spoke up.

"Winry, I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't want to tell you like this. I don't want to make you upset. But…I can't be with you."

Edward tipped his head downwards, avoiding Winry's gaze out of shame. She brought a hand to rest on his as tears glistened in her blue eyes, "W-why not Ed?"

He tensed visibly and I myself held my breath. The world around us was oddly calm compared to what it just was. Ed's voice rang out in the afternoon air, seemingly the only sound for miles.

"Winry, I like men. I'm gay."

She let out a gasp as her hands flew to her mouth. Her blue eyes grew round with shock. I gasped a little in surprise as Ed came out. I let out a groan as I finally reined in my emotions and pulled my body back to its human form. Crackles of red alchemic energy ran across my legs as I alchemized on some loose pants, having lost my other clothes in the previous process of transforming.

Clothes no longer were a part of my body. I'd work hard to remember that, seeing as my precious skort was a casualty in the battle. May you rest in…pieces.

I stood back and watched quietly as Winry began to sob loudly into her hands. I noticed Alphonse watching from the porch as well, a somber expression on his face. "Ed! I thought you loved me! I thought we were going to spend our lives together after all of this was over! I was waiting for you!" Winry blubbered out.

A look of indifference played on my features. Seriously, humans are such insufferable, weepy worms. Not that I didn't just have my own brand of emotional breakdown, but I would never dare to cry like that so easily.

Ed brought a comforting hand to rest on Winry's shoulder and he grew tense as he pushed on. "I'm really sorry Winry. I understand if you're disgusted with me. As for Envy, he was jealous because...he's with me. We're together Winry," Edward glanced meaningfully in my direction and it brought me some comfort, "I wanted to tell you some other way Winry. I really did. I'm sorry that it all had to come out like this. I'm sure Envy is sorry too, right Envy?"

I crossed my arms over my bare chest and pushed my chin up in indignation. "Well, I guess so, but she had it coming, coming onto you like that. I don't mess around, remember that _brat_," I spat in her general direction.

Ed shook his head in frustration at me and turned his attention back to Winry, who had grown oddly still on the ground. A gust of cold wind blew and sent shivers down all of our spines. "Winry?" Ed questioned, "Are you ok?"

She looked back up at him with lifeless eyes. Better yet, it looked like she was staring right through him. "I don't know Ed," she sniffled, "I think I need some time alone." She rose to her feet and pushed away his hands, which were offering her help.

Shuffling back to the house, she spoke dejectedly with her back turned, "Dinner's sitting on the stove already. Help yourselves."

Alphonse reached out to her as she passed him up the front steps and she shrugged off his hand as well. She pushed her way past him and made her way into the bowels of the house, leaving Ed, Al, and I standing around in an awkward silence. Cold wind whipped my hair around viciously and got goosebumps going all over my bare chest. We needed to go inside too.

I quietly made my way over to where Ed was sitting shell-shocked on the grass, my bare feet patting softly against the ground as I walked. I crouched down in front of him and somberly held my hand out to help him up. He looked up at me, hurt dancing in those beautiful golden eyes of his, and I couldn't help but apologize, to him at least.

"I'm sorry about that Ed," I rasped softly. My voice was rough from all the yelling. "I couldn't control myself. It just happened. Envy's my strongest emotion; you should know that. You know it's who I am."

He took my hand and I raised him to his feet. He patted his hand on my back and replied, "I know Envy. I know. I just wish I didn't have to happen like that."

We silently made our way back to the warmth of the house and Al held the door open as we went through. I alchemized a shirt onto my torso as I entered, a little too cold to go without. He locked it behind us and we made our way to the kitchen to have some dinner.

The house was eerily silent, and I knew it was all my fault. No one was pointing fingers though. I slouched down in the kitchen chair and stared down at my bowl of stew, the stew that Winry had worked so hard on. In that second, I felt a fleeting sense of guilt for what I had done, but only for a second.

We all ate our stew in silence. All that could be heard was the clinking of spoons against bowls and the occasional slurp. None of us were expecting the insistent knocking that came at the front door as we were nearly done eating.

Alphonse excused himself to answer the door while Ed and I both exchanged matched looks of confusion, not having a clue as to who it could be.

When we finally got to see who was standing in the doorway, I instantly froze and felt all the inhuman blood drain from my face. My stomach was tied in knots, the stew threatening to come right back up.

In the doorway to the kitchen stood Roy Mustang and his eyes shone with hatred as he made his way towards me, his fingers poised to snap.

* * *

**A/N: **SUSPENSE! So, in my head true form Envy was glomping around after Winry in the front yard while she squealed in terror. That's what made me giggle, but this turned out much more serious that I expected. Sorry for the false advertisement. haha

Reviews make me eager to write more! Keep that in mind my friends!

Until next time... **~Marionx**


	10. Excitement

**A/N:** Hey guys! The suspense is over! I'm in between semesters right now and have nothing going on, so time for an early update.

I had so much fun at AnimeFest this past weekend. Sooo many people wanted pictures and I even met two of Wendy Powell's students. They took pictures of me and said they were going to show her my cosplay (They better have not been lying!). I also got autographs from all of the members of FLOW. It. Was. AWESOME.

Anyways, here's a new chapter for you. Enjoy it! **~Marionx**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Excitement**

Mustang's boots thumped deafeningly against the wood floor as he made his way over to my chair. I felt like I had returned to the tunnels under Central command. My back was pressed flush to the back of my chair, my eyes were wide in shock, and my body quaked with obvious fear. I hated that I looked so damn pathetic, but who wouldn't be scared if death was walking right at them?

The General came to a stop before me and I could feel my heart thumping more rapidly than it ever had before. He brought his fingers up to the bridge of my nose in a blur of motion and I let out a little squeak, trying to flinch away. What came next was almost more shocking than his sudden appearance.

Roy Mustang's hand came crashing into my cheek, back-handing me with such force that my head went spinning, black hair flying wildly around me. I let out a grunt of pain as I felt my cheek begin to smart. Turning my body back to face the bastard, I expected to give him a piece of my mind, but I only got slapped across my other cheek. Both cheeks now glowed with an uncharacteristic red blush and hurt like a bitch.

"You damn fool! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Mustang spat in my face. Edward was now on high alert, starting to rise from his chair with an angry look on his face. Little pipsqueak thought that he would stick up for me, Envy? Cute. I can handle my own shit, thank you.

"What the fuck are you talking about, damn it?!"

Mustang gripped my shoulders tightly and gave my thin body a shake. "What am I talking about?! The villagers in this town are terrified because they saw, and I quote, 'a giant, green dragon beast running around the Rockbell lawn eating a young woman'!"

I blanched at that comment in embarrassment and tried to turn my head away from him, breaking his intense gaze. He just moved his right hand to my chin and jerked me roughly so that I was looking at him again.

"_Envy_! I know that you are in the middle of the country right now, but you _can't_ do that! You can't just randomly transform!" I started to sputter an excuse but he kept driving on and spoke over me, "I don't want to hear any excuses! I don't even want to know your twisted reasoning, homunculus! We let you live and you play by our rules now! Part of the rules is that you keep out of the public eye! Transforming into your huge, bastardized form isn't laying low now is it? _Hmm_?!"

His words pierced straight through me. I knew I was an ugly bastard; I didn't need it rubbed in my face! My violet eyes blazed with fury as I furrowed my brows and clenched my teeth in indignation. Mustang's hand was poised to slap me again though, so I bit my tongue. I'm meant to inflict pain on others, not take pain onto myself. I hate pain.

Edward took that moment to break the awkward tension and interject, "Why the hell are you here Mustang? Did you make a personal trip just to torment Envy?"

I'll admit, Edward was right when he said that he was the one that knew how to handle the bastard best.

"Well besides the business that this _idiot_ here has now given me," Mustang shot me a dirty look, "I was actually in Resembool to talk to you and your brother, Fullmetal."

Edward sat back down in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest, "Well then, how about you have a seat and we get this over with then Mustang?" He gestured to Winry's open chair at the other end of the table. The bastard took a seat but continued to glare hatefully in my direction.

"You're awfully protective of the homunculus Fullmetal. And after he hurt your girlfriend too? Where is she I wonder?" Mustang brought a hand to his chin and scratched it thoughtfully. I saw a strange look cross over Ed's eyes at the mention of Winry being his girlfriend. He also discretely shot me a meaningful look.

"I don't need a protector!" I spat across the table, "I can fucking handle myself!"

Mustang rounded on me again, "Well, you may not need a protector, but you sure as hell need a babysitter! You can't go one damn minute without getting into a mess and dragging everyone along with you!"

I was fuming and started to rise from my chair, small sparks of alchemic energy dancing over my skin.

"Envy! My God! Sit down damn it!" Edward screamed at me. His eyes looked genuinely furious. I winced and plopped my ass back down in the chair, crossing my arms over my chest. Edward was the last person that I wanted to make angry these days.

"And Mustang! Stop antagonizing him! He's sorry for what he did and I apologize for him also. I could have stopped it sooner, but I didn't. It happened. We'll make sure it doesn't happen again. Right, Envy?" He looked at me with raised brows.

"Yeah, sure," I grunted.

I spared a glance at Alphonse sitting on the other side of the table. He was just sitting quietly and uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact, obviously not one for verbal confrontation.

"Ok, now that that's over with, tell us what you were here to tell us Mustang and then get out of this house." Edward tapped his fingers against the tabletop impatiently.

"Fine," Mustang let out a sigh of frustration, "High command sent me here to relay a message to you. They're starting a revolutionary alchemy project in Central and want both of you to be involved in it."

"Mustang, you know my…condition. Why would you come ask me something like that?" I could tell that just talking about his lack of alchemy made Ed upset.

"Because, you wouldn't have to perform alchemy to be involved. Everyone in this country knows that you were a child prodigy and that you played a major hand in saving their country. You're highly respected and we want you to be involved in this project."

"Spit it out Mustang," he huffed impatiently, "Just tell me what it is."

Mustang pushed some of his shaggy bangs from his eyes before continuing, "The government wants to start the first ever alchemy academy in Amestris: Central Alchemy Academy. Ever since the promised day, there has been an upsurge of interest in alchemy. Central command wants to train alchemists as scientists, not weapons as it used to, for the greater good of the country. We really want you and Alphonse to come and be teachers at the academy, and so I came to recruit you. Also, I know you are currently out of a job and am sure you're itching for something to do. So, what do you say? Surely you're interested."

Al finally piped up, "Well General, I for one am very interested, but I'm actually leaving for Xing in less than a week to study Alkehestry. I'm planning to be gone for about 6 months, but when I come back I'd love to share everything that I learned abroad with the students. Count me in!"

Mustang looked pleased, "Alright, we have ourselves a professor of Alkehestry. What about you Fullmetal?"

Ed looked contemplative for a minute before he spoke, "Well I _am_ interested Mustang. It sounds like a really great project and I'd love to be a part of it. You do remember though, that everywhere I go, Envy has to go too, right?"

I perked up at that and listened intently. Ed and I really were a package deal these days, in more ways than one.

"Well, he could always be a specimen for experiments…"

"HEY!" I snapped, "I'm right here dumb ass! How about I slice you open instead and take a look at your blood as it pools on the floor?!"

"Envy!" Edward growled at me.

I giggled at my own sadistic thoughts before coming back to reality, "Well, as annoying as all of this is, you do realize that I am nearly as old as this country right? You may think of me as an idiot, but I'm smarter than that. I probably know some alchemy secrets that even Edo here doesn't know. On top of that, I'm one of the last remaining authorities in this country on the workings of the philosopher's stone. I fucking live on a philosopher's stone! I could teach too. I promise not to scare the little kiddies…too much!" I cackled madly to emphasize my point.

Mustang simply rolled his eyes, "You were never invited to teach Envy. People are terrified of you."

"So?! I told you I would play the nice guy! Let me play nice General~! Oh pretty pretty please?" I batted my eyelashes and used some alchemy to make my violet eyes sparkle. I was the poster child of innocence in that moment. Fucking adorable!

Mustang sighed in frustration and threw his face into the palm of his hand. "I'll think about it Envy. Even if I said yes, you'd have to be Ed's assistant because you can't be alone. You're technically a fugitive of war," he ruffled his hair with his fingers and let out a low grumble, "You know what? I'll leave it up to Fullmetal. You'll have to be in his classroom all the time anyways. If he wants to let you scare the students, be my guest."

I wiggled in my chair out of excitement. "Lucky~! I finally get out of this hellhole! Edo, what do you say? Envy and Edward Elric! Teachers extraordinaire! Say yes! Say yes!" I leaned across the table towards the pipsqueak, my ass bopping up and down in excitement. My eyes were still twinkling with alchemy.

Edward twiddled his thumbs as he thought about his answer. I crossed my fingers hoping it was a yes. The prospect of getting out and interacting with people again got me super excited! I've always been a people person. I had to be, if I was going to imitate their every move and mannerism. Staying in this little country bumpkin town had been quickly driving me insane!

"Ok," Ed finally said, "I'll do it. When do we start?"

I continued to do a happy dance in my chair, a toothy grin spread from ear to ear.

"Well our first meeting is this Friday in Central, so you'll want to figure out your arrangements before then. We'll catch Al up to speed through letters while he's abroad. The first train for Central leaves at 7am tomorrow. I suggest you get on it and reacquaint yourselves with the city. Maybe look into living quarters. Of course the military would be happy to provide some for the Fullmetal Alchemist."

Edward shook his head vigorously, "No Mustang. You know I'm done with the military crap. I'll teach, as long as it doesn't entail me getting involved in active military service again. And I can find my own place to stay. I don't want to be riding on your or the military's coattails anymore. But we'll be there on Friday for the meeting."

Mustang rose from his chair and made to leave. Ed and Al rose too, ready to see him to the front door. "Alright, I'll see you later then. Do check in with me at the office before Friday though, once you're settled in, for more details on your job. Alphonse, I wish you safe travels. I can't wait to see what you can come back to teach us in 6 months. Envy, stay the hell out of trouble. I don't want to have to console any more innocent villagers due to your incompetence. Control yourself!"

I waved my hand in the air as if shooing him away, "Yeah yeah yeah. I get it. Can't wait to see your lovely face again later this week Mustang. I'm sooo very excited."

Mustang let out a grumble as he grudgingly waved goodbye to me and made his way to the door with the Elric brothers. I sat in my chair silently for a minute longer, thinking about everything that had just happened. I couldn't believe how much I had changed in the couple of months that I had been with the Elric brats. I'd just agreed to teach a class on alchemy to the human filth! I agreed to divulge my secrets on the philosopher's stone! Oddly, I felt no burning hatred in my chest for the worms though, only a bouncy feeling of excitement at getting to do something new and useful. I was tired of sitting around being a fucking lump.

I got up from my chair and made my way to the staircase, intent on going to up to my room and preparing for bed, and possibly other more vigorous activities with the pipsqueak. Ed met me at the stairs and we walked up them together. Alphonse, apparently, had volunteered to clean up the kitchen.

"So, I guess we should pack our things, huh? So we can get on that train bright and early tomorrow."

I nodded my head in agreement, my long, black hair flapping around me. "We're going to move back to Central, hmm? I'll admit, I miss the place. Lived there for so damn long. Human watching was always a favorite of mine and all there is to watch here are fucking cows."

Edward chuckled and put his hand on my upper back, "Well, we'll find an apartment in a busy part of the city so you can do all the people watching you want. Were you really serious about wanting to teach at the alchemy academy?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, why not. I feel like I have some stuff I could share with the worms. Besides, who wouldn't write home about being taught by Envy the homunculus? Anyone who's smart enough to see past the bullshit coup story the military came up with for the promised day and knows the truth of things and knows who I am. I assume anyone who wants to learn alchemy after the promised day knows the truth."

"Yeah," Edward agreed, "Well you can be my teaching assistant and we'll figure out how to work you in there. But, let's just pack up tonight. Tomorrow's going to be a big day so we need to get some rest. No...stuff tonight, ok?"

I sighed and slouched over sadly. Boo. I wanted a little Edo time before I went to sleep. I hate being denied.

Edward leaned in and pressed his lips to mine gently, giving me a little taste of what I was missing. His hand went to the back of my head as it was deepened for just a moment before he pulled away. He pressed his forehead against mine and looked me in the eyes.

"Get your ass in your room, pack, and get some sleep Envy. Also, before we leave tomorrow, I'd really appreciate if you would apologize to Winry for what you did today. I know you apologized to me and Al, but it would mean much more if you said you were sorry to her face."

I broke eye contact and looked down at my bare feet, "…I'll think about it." I'm not one to admit when I'm in the wrong. I pulled away from Edward and walked into my room. "Goodnight Ed."

"Goodnight Envy."

Edward left me then and I packed up all of my meager belongings in a beat up brown suitcase that I found in the closet. Once that was done, I alchemized the fake clothes off of my body, slipped into some sleeping clothes, and flopped onto my back on the bed. Sleep didn't take me quickly though. I kept glancing at the packed bag by my door and feeling my mind race at what was to come the next day. My excitement kept me awake, but once the moon was high in the sky, my eyes finally slid shut and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I awoke the next morning to Edward screaming at me from downstairs.

"ENVY! GET UP NOW! IF WE DON'T LEAVE IN 10 MINUTES WE'RE GOING TO MISS THE TRAIN!"

I shot out of bed like a bullet and quickly went through my morning routine, eager to get the show on the road. I chose a pair of skin-tight black pants and a red tank top to wear that day. I laced up my boots over my pants, alchemized my headband on my forehead to make me feel more comfortable with my tattoo, grabbed my bag, and raced down the stairs.

I skidded to a halt before I reached the door though, seeing Winry standing sheepishly by Edward and twiddling her thumbs. Damn it! I hadn't prepared myself to apologize to the bitch yet! I mentally slapped myself and tried to pull myself together. I knew I had to do it, for Edward's sake at least.

I approached her slowly and she shied away from me. I don't blame her though. I probably fucking traumatized her the day before. Instead of walking further towards her, I simply bowed my head, my hair falling all around me.

"Winry, I…uh…I...I'm sorry. About yesterday…" I peeked up through my curtain of hair to gauge her reaction. She seemed to be receptive, but her eyes were still trained on me warily. I pushed on, "I'm Envy, the complete incarnation of the sin. Envy is my strongest emotion and you made me….envious. I couldn't control myself. My body and mind were in their most primal state. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry for scaring you. I'm sorry for….taking Edward from you. I'm sorry." I shot Ed a sideways glance. There I did it! You happy pipsqueak? My body feels like it's about to burst into flames, but I did it!

Winry warily reached a hand out and gingerly patted me on the head. I jumped a little in surprise at the contact. "Envy, I accept your apology. I know you're trying really hard to be human. I figured that what happened was something that was out of your control. You've changed too much for the better to do something like that on purpose. And…I'm sorry also. To both of you," she gestured at Ed, "I shouldn't have been making assumptions about what Ed was going to be doing with his life. I shouldn't have assumed that he was mine and mine alone. So, I'm sorry too, for provoking you."

I stood up to my full height before Winry again with a small smile on my face and met her eyes. She was smiling at me too and I could tell the worst of it was over. As hard as it was to start the apology, it certainly felt much better now that it was all over with.

I made my way over to Edward and we stepped through the front door. Al was already waiting in the car, the engine idling quietly in the early morning air. Winry sat in the front seat with Al as we loaded our luggage into the trunk and climbed into the back seat together. We all kept up pleasant chitchat as Al drove us up to the train station. When he finally pulled up next to the tracks, Ed and I were nothing but eager to board the train to Central. In fact, it was pulling up in that very moment.

We hurriedly unloaded our things, bought our tickets, and then stood at the gate, ready to say our goodbyes.

"Thanks again for letting us stay at your house for so long Winry. Tell granny I said thanks too. It was a shame we couldn't see her this time around. Make sure you come visit us in Central! Keep in contact!"

Edward leaned in and gave Winry a heartfelt hug, and I felt a twinge of envy, but I kept it in check.

As they pulled back, Winry gave Ed a little slap on the back with a wrench that she pulled out of who knows where. Edward winced in pain. "Now Ed, you keep up your automail. Keep it oiled. Keep it clean. Don't break it. And feel free to call me anytime that you need a tune-up, ok?" She smiled brightly as Ed grimaced back at her.

"Ok ok ok. Got it Winry."

Next he turned to Al, his lifelong traveling partner. I contemplated how it must have been making them feel to finally be moving apart. Must have been pretty sad, I bet.

"You travel safe Al. Write me letters, ok? I wish I could be learning all of the things that you're going to be learning."

"I'll teach you when I come back brother. And don't worry, I will write plenty of letters. Both of you travel safe too and have fun. I'll see you soon!"

With some final hugs from Edward, and waves on my part, we boarded the train to Central and found our seats in the passenger car. The train lurched to a start and we pulled away from the station, waving some final goodbyes to Al and Winry out the window.

I wasn't very hungry. Truthfully, I never was. I refused breakfast when the cart came by and instead steeled myself for the long train ride ahead, watching the countryside slip by out the window. Good riddance!

The constant motion of the train, Ed silently reading a book, and the boring scenes outside were the perfect combination for a nap. Before I knew it, I had slid down in my seat and conked out. What better way to spend a long ass train ride?

Ed shook me awake though, some indeterminable amount of time later. I grumbled angrily and swatted his hands away from my body. "Fuuuuck off…Sleepy time…" Ed merely shook me harder and I shot up with fury in my eyes, ready to slap him into tomorrow. Before I had the chance though, he grabbed my face and twisted it so that I was facing the window. Outside the scenery had drastically changed from how I last remembered it.

Tall buildings went whizzing past the window as we pulled into the heart of Central. Seeing all the people walking around in the streets made me overly excited. I couldn't wait to get out there with them and breathe in the city air. At the same time though, something was nagging me in the back of my head. I had a feeling of dread pooling up in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't place where it was coming from. Maybe because I had been so far from my home for so long? It felt like Father was still waiting for me under Central, ready to reprimand me for my behavior and give me a new job.

But he wasn't there. The immortal man that ran my entire life for 175 years was gone. It was hard to wrap my head around sometimes.

The train pulled up to the station and with a deafening toot of its horn signaled our arrival. The aisles of the train sprung to life as everyone reached into the overhead compartments, grabbing at their luggage. Ed and I got up too and tried to retrieve ours. I accidentally bumped into a young man around Ed's age as I stretched for my suitcase, knocking him off balance. I turned to give him a piece of my mind.

"Hey! Watch it!" I snapped at him.

When he saw my face though, he tensed up in recognition, his finger rising slowly and shakily pointing at me.

"Y-you're one of them. A-aren't you? A h-homunculus?"

I put a hand on my hip, cocking it to the side as I brushed some of my wild hair out of my face. A shit-eating grin spread from ear to ear. "Oh~? You know who I am, do you? I'm rather flattered. Did you hear that Ed?" I shot over my shoulder, "I'm famous in Central! Eh heh!"

The young man shrunk away from me out of obvious fear. Other passengers were listening into our conversation also, eager to know that the fuss was about. I just stood there in the aisle and leered menacingly at every single on of them until they were all thoroughly uncomfortable.

Ed came up to my side and placed a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to shrink down a little. I huffed at him in frustration and crossed my arms over my chest. He always has to ruin my fun.

"Sir, I'm sorry about him. He doesn't mean any harm. He's with me. My name is Edward Elric."

Ed reached out his hand with intent to shake the young man's, but the guy's hand started shaking for a totally different reason.

"Edward Elric?" he said in disbelief, "_The _Fullmetal Alchemist?"

"The one and only," I chimed in.

The man took Ed's hand at that point and shook it rather vigorously. "My name is Thomas. Thomas Williamson. It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Elric. You're a hero of mine! I don't know what to say! I've decided to learn how to use alchemy because of you!" He looked like he was about to yank Ed's arm off out of excitement, but then noticed what he was doing and pulled back with an apology.

"I'm actually coming to Central to attend the Central Alchemy Academy that's going to be opening soon! I thought I would come and get settled into the city before the classes start, you know?"

Ed smiled brightly at Thomas and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into his warm touch. "We're actually coming to Central for the same reason. Well, not to learn, but to teach. We were recruited by General Mustang to come teach at the academy. Maybe you'll be in one of our classes Thomas. And by the way, you can just call me Ed. I'm not an old man. And this bastard here is Envy," he gestured towards me. I shot a mean look at Ed but then beamed at Thomas with my hands on my hips.

Thomas smiled at Ed for a second before a look of confusion crossed his face. "Wait…I understand you're teaching…but, the homunculus is teaching too?" He looked very concerned at that thought as he pointed his finger at me.

"Hey you, my name is Envy! E-N-V-Y. Learn it. And yeah, I'm going to teach with Ed here. I promise I won't bite…much." I leered at Thomas again.

Ed rolled his eyes and knocked me gently over the head, not hard, but only enough to make me shut my loud mouth. "Envy's actually in my charge," he explained, "He has to stay with me all the time. So, he decided he'd like to share some of his knowledge on alchemy and philosopher's stones with the students, instead of just lounging around in my class like a sack of potatoes."

I yanked on Ed's ponytail at that comment, knocking his head back, making him yelp in surprise and swat me away. Thomas chuckled quietly at our behavior and finally fixed me with a small smile. "Well, I need to get going, I'm sure you both have places to be too. I'll look forward to seeing you at the academy Ed," he nodded his head in my direction also, "and Envy."

Thomas grabbed his luggage and made his way off of the train, leaving Ed and I standing alone in the aisle. The train was nearly empty at that point and I heard a final call for disembarking. We both grabbed our suitcases and pushed our way out into the vast plaza of Central station. I stood in awe for a moment at the sheer number of people that teemed around us. I also noticed a number of people shooting murderous looks my way.

Well, this would be fun.

Ed grabbed my arm and tugged me over to the front entrance of the plaza where all the cabs were set up; ready to take people wherever they wanted to go. Ed flagged one down and we hopped into the back seat. He told the driver to take us to the Central Command district and we sped away from the curb towards our destination.

"First of all, we need to find an apartment to buy or rent. I'm sure we can find something in the Central Command district. I know of a few nice places in the area. Once we take care of that, we can go out for a little bit to buy food and stuff. And tomorrow we have to go see the bastard General. I'm as excited about that as I'm sure you are," he grimaced a little at the thought.

I chuckled and pushed some stray strands of hair out of my face. "I'm overjoyed to be seeing him, I'm sure you know. And hell, if we can't find a decent place to stay, there is always my old, cold, cave of a room under Central Command! Sleeping on concrete is so much fuuun! I'm sure you'd love it Edo." I shot a playful wink in Ed's direction.

Ed stuck his tongue out at me and gave me a shove. Both of us were laughing and exchanging insults as the cabbie informed us of our arrival. Ed handed him a wad of Cenz and we stepped out of the back seat into the electric air of Central.

The dark pit in my stomach still hadn't gone, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was under scrutiny, but nonetheless I was excited. I could give a shit about my inner feelings. I was home. And with the hum of Central around us, Ed and I made our way down the sidewalk and into the new chapter of our lives.

* * *

**A/N: **We're 10 chapters in and there hasn't been any serious Edvy in a while. So, I promise you...next chapter: lemon. It's coming. Prepare yourselves... ;)


	11. Pleasure

**A/N:** Before the chapter, I have a couple things to say:

**1.** I posted a link to some of my fanart on my profile. I'd love if you guys wanted to check it out. I'm proud of my stuff!

**2.** Ednylove posted a review that I couldn't reply to, so I'll reply here. "I just wish envy was real, but don't most of us." Well I certainly wish Envy was real. He's hot stuff. Although, I've often had conversations with my roommate about seeing him in real life. If I ever saw Envy on the side of the road, I would most likely not stop to chat him up because he would definitely kill me for fun. And that _wouldn't_ be fun. Haha

**3\. M rating is in full effect for the chapter! FULL EFFECT!** But if you have a dirty mind like me, I hope you enjoy the lemon I wrote. It's the first legitimate one I've ever written. I'm honestly a little embarrassed by the filthiness that came out of my mind... I feel like I made it non-generic. I tried to keep both Ed and Envy true to their characters the whole time, and you know neither one of them would go down easy...but you'll see. ;)

I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters, by the way, if you hadn't heard that enough already.

**~Marionx**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Pleasure**

With our few items in tow, we made our way to the nearest real estate office on the block. Ed was practically bouncing in excitement at owning his own place. He informed me that all those years I was out to kill him, he had been living out of a suitcase as he and Al travelled around the country. He'd literally been homeless since he was 12 years old. He insisted that he could have gone home to Winry and Pinako whenever he wanted, but _shit_. I may not be human, but at least I had a large "family" of sorts and a place to go home too. The pipsqueak went through more than I ever knew.

The lady who ran the real estate office was nice, I guess, but she was too prim and proper for me. She was a middle-aged blonde woman, fat as a pig, and slathered up in makeup. Not someone I would take pleasure in imitating. I sat the whole time in her cushy ass chair with my legs spread lewdly and my face resting in my hands, giving off my well-perfected "don't fuck with me" aura. Ed did all the talking, but I kept noticing the woman shooting me nervous glances, like she wanted to say something. Finally I snapped at her, breaking my silence.

"You have something to say, hmm?!"

Ed shot me an exasperated look and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration as the woman spoke to me.

"Well…pardon me for asking, and it's quite rude of me, but I can't seem to figure it out. And people and clothing are progressive in Amestris these days-"

I cut her off with a sigh, "Are you asking if I'm a man or a woman?"

She twiddled her fingers nervously just beyond the edge of the table we were seated at, "Well, yes. I'm very sorry. You're just so androgynous, and I must know so I can properly find you both some housing."

I gestured my hands down my body with a flourish, "Do you see any womanly curves on this body? I'm a man, damn it! But, why should it matter?!"

"_Envy_," Edward growled at me warningly. I ignored him.

"Again, I'm very sorry_ sir_. And I needed to know your sex to determine if we would be looking for 1 bedroom or 2 bedroom apartments. You two seemed rather close, you see. But since you're a man, a 2 bedroom apartment it is!"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I stared at the plump woman. But then I remembered what Al had told me not long ago. A man and a man together were not considered proper in Amestiran society. I growled low in my throat at the woman's blatant discrimination, but then, in a bipolar fashion, my frown turned into a huge grin as a devious look spread on my features. I noticed Ed tensing up beside me, obviously preparing for whatever shit storm I was about to bring. The shrimp was learning quickly to be constantly alert if he wanted to rein me in. Good on you, O' Chibisan.

"Oh, but ma'am," I snickered sickeningly, "What if I want to share a bed with the little guy here? He can be oh so tempting~."

Edward was fuming as he harshly slapped my shoulder and snapped, "Shut up! _Now_, Envy!" I shot Ed the nastiest look I could manage and then crossed my arms over my chest, sticking my nose in the air haughtily.

"Please forgive him ma'am. He doesn't know when to stop running his mouth. He's pretty notorious for it," Ed said as I grunted at him angrily. "We were looking for a 2 bedroom apartment all along, I promise you. Something in this neighborhood. And I don't really have a price limit, but I think we'd still both prefer something modest. I'm not an indulgent guy," Ed scratched at the back of his head modestly.

"No price limit?" The chubby woman said in disbelief, "Why, you're so young to have that much money!"

"Well he is the Fullmetal Alchemist," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Envy, I thought I just told you to shut your trap!"

The fat ass woman across the table from us looked at Ed in disbelief before speaking again, "Well I'll be! I always heard that the Fullmetal Alchemist was a small little guy, but you're hardly small!" Edward looked about ready to rant, until she complimented his current size. Then he was beaming and I gave him a congratulatory pat on the back.

"In that case, I'll have to find you some place really nice sir," She grinned at him happily. But then she turned to me again and her face turned into one of confusion and then fear. "But, I had heard a rumor around Central that the Fullmetal Alchemist was looking after a…monster…" She stared at me skeptically.

I lurched forward out of my chair quickly and slapped my hands down on the table top, "BOO!"

The woman screeched at the top of her lungs and pressed back into her chair as I cackled madly, wiping tears from my eyes. Humans are really such pathetic worms!

Edward shook his head at me with an exhausted look on his face, but I didn't miss his lips quirking up into a small smile. "Do I need to keep you on a leash Envy? Bring tape with me everywhere to cover your mouth?" He then dropped into a whisper so only I would hear him, "Or I can always go have a chat with Mustang and we can keep you in a cozy little glass jar. How does that sound?"

"Shit Ed!" I hissed under my breath, stiffening up at the thought of being trapped in a jar again, "You're a sadistic bastard aren't you? But I guess I'll play nice, for now at least." I shot him a cheeky wink.

He pointed a warning finger at me before turning back to the real estate agent with a sigh, "I'm sorry to have scared you ma'am. Envy is…special you could say. But I promise you, he wouldn't hurt a fly." He shot me another warning look. If only you saw my bloody, murderous dreams Edo. If only you lived in my head. Would you still say I wouldn't hurt a fly?

The plump woman still looked at me nervously though as she carried on, obviously shaken by my show. "Well then, this place just came up on the market recently and I think it would be perfect. It's even fully furnished! Would you like to see it? It's just down the road."

Ed nodded his head in agreement and we made our way to the apartment, just a block away and up one flight of stairs. It was decently large, but not overly opulent like some places I had seen over the years. The front door led to a hallway with a tiny coat closet. The hallways spat out into a living room, complete with a sofa, bookshelf, fireplace, and a window seat. I could see that spot becoming my new favorite haunt. Perfect for watching the humans down below. Off of the living room, there was a small dining area next to a large kitchen with state of the art appliances. A hallway led from there to two decently sized bedrooms and a nice bathroom. It seemed perfect to me.

Edward didn't seem like one to shop around or be picky, and he told the woman that he would take it. We hurriedly went back to her office so Ed could write out the check for the place and pick up the keys. Her eyes practically bugged out of her head when she saw the lump sum of Cenz written out on that one check, but took it nonetheless.

She shook Ed's hand vigorously and mine hesitantly, congratulating us on our new home and sending us on our way. Good riddance. She reeked of fucking floral perfume and the whole time we were in there it had sent my heightened senses haywire. Thought I was going to puke up my entire stomach the whole time. Blegh!

Ed and I went back to our apartment to drop off our bags and take an inventory of the things we would still have to buy. By that time, it was already late afternoon. The train ride into Central had taken the whole morning and that fucking fat woman had taken up our whole afternoon. Neither of us had eaten lunch from the mere rush of things. I heard my stomach grumble and I clapped a hand over it, as if to shut it up.

Ed looked over at me from across the kitchen to where I was laying sprawled on the dining room table and chuckled. "You want to go out and get some food Envy? I know I'm starving. But I'm always starving. A steak sounds _really_ good right now!" I could practically see the drool dripping from his lips and I rolled my eyes. But steak did sound heavenly, I'd admit.

We hurried down to the little market before it closed for the day. I let Ed pick out all of the food. I could give a shit about what I ate or if I ate. I don't have to eat, remember? But he picked up a good deal of meat. I couldn't discern what was what. It all looked the same to me, but I did spend a good deal of time thinking about the animals that the meat belonged too being slaughtered and bleeding out. I would have loved to tear into their flesh myself and seen the warm, sticky blood drip down my hands. The thought sent shivers down my spine. But, humans would always been more fun to kill. The looks on their faces and the things they sputtered out as they died were the drug I looked for. The blood on my fingers was just an added bonus. I started to giggle madly at my own thoughts, until Ed sent me a dirty look that shut me up. Keep the homicidal thoughts in check Envy. Humans don't think like that.

Well, there was that Number 66 guy…hmm. _I_ should know that not all humans are saints. What am I thinking? I worked with some of the most monstrous humans in the country for the last century! My homicidal tendencies make me who I am! Fuck pushing them away. I just need to control the killing urge in my fingers, at least for Ed's sake. He wouldn't appreciate if I went off on a killing spree.

Maybe I need a hobby.

Edward also picked up a lot of vegetables, none of which I recognized. I was never interested in the green shit. There were some fruits, spices, and bread in our little basket before we finally made our way over to pay. After he forked over his Cenz, we went across the street to a pharmacy store. He insisted on going in to buy bathroom junk, amongst other things. He seemed oddly nervous and I couldn't put my finger on the source. Humans really are weird creatures.

I personally was exhausted and wasn't afraid to act like a spoiled brat, whining about how I just wanted to sit my ass on the bench outside. I was tired of shopping damn it! Ed let me be and left me with all the bags as he went inside the pharmacy, telling me he'd be quick. His eyes were darting back and forth the whole time he looked at me and his fingers were twitching awkwardly. Fucking weird. He probably didn't think I'd notice. I may not understand everything humans do, but I do notice everything they do.

I sighed contentedly and ran my fingers through my long hair, stopping to scratch an itch under my headband. A little shiver ran down my body as a chilly gust of wind hit me, making my hair fly about uncontrollably. Wrapping my arms around myself for warmth, I reclined backwards and looked down at my feet, wiggling my toes in my clunky boots. I missed being barefoot all the time. I missed a lot of things.

It killed me to admit it, but I even missed Lust and Gluttony. For the most part, they were always with me wherever we went to cause trouble. Lust would always roll her eyes at my flamboyant behavior, telling me I was the most sadistic one of all of us siblings. I took it as a compliment. Gluttony would always ask us if he could eat this or that. Depending on the situation I would tell him he could have whatever he liked. Sometimes I would rough him up for being a dumb fuck though. It was all a part of the game.

We were partners in crime.

I felt a small twinge of sadness in my chest and closed my eyes, trying to block out the emotion.

I'd never see them again.

I cracked my violet eyes open again and gazed up at the setting sun as it began to cast shadows in the street all around me. I could never go back. This was my life now. Father was dead. My brothers and sister were dead. I was somewhat happy with my life as a homunculus, but I could safely say that my "human" life was feeling much more promising. It would be ok.

Suddenly a chill went up my spine and I went rigid. A cold sweat broke out on my body as I felt myself being watched, scrutinized even. It didn't feel normal and it sent dread shooting straight to my core. I looked around the street nervously for the source of the feeling.

People were walking around the street, minding their own business, as they made their way home from work. A couple of men and women looked like they were heading out for dates; I could tell by their body language. The shopkeeper for the market across the street was closing up for the night. No one was looking at me. Not a single soul.

But the dread wouldn't go away. I swore I saw the shadows pulse around me as I heard Edward over my shoulder, breaking me out of my reverie.

"Alright Envy! I got everything we needed! Let's head home!"

I got up from my place on the bench, grabbed up all of our bags, and began to walk down the sidewalk with Edward. I couldn't help glancing back behind me though at the shadows, straining to see if they truly were moving or if I was just losing my shit.

Ed gave me a little nudge, "Envy? You alright? You seem a little jumpy."

I looked back at him with a shrug, finding nothing out of the ordinary in the shadows around the bench, "Yeah, fine. Just thought I saw something."

We made our way back to the apartment, but the whole time I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched.

* * *

I gave my full stomach a pat and I leaned back in the dining room chair contentedly, stretching my limbs. A couple of joints popped and cracked. Steak was good. Really good. Edward also seemed very pleased with the dinner he'd made for the both of us. He cleared our plates off the table and started cleaning up the kitchen. The sun had set long ago and I could see the stars and moon through the giant bay window in the living room.

"Do you like this place Envy? Not that it matters really, it's my money."

I stuck my tongue out at him, "Whatever Edo. I do like it though. I especially like that big window over there." I gestured to the bay window with the comfy window seat. I'd already tried it out before dinner. "I just want to tell you now, that I am laying claim to that seat and I will not be afraid to throw you off of it whenever I want to sit there."

He chuckled a little and replied, "Well, maybe I'll just squeeze onto it with you then. We both have pretty tiny asses, and technically you could make your ass smaller to accommodate mine."

"Or I could make mine larger so you wouldn't have a chance of sitting with me," I waggled my finger at him tauntingly.

"_Or _I could just sit in your lap."

That comment took me off guard a little and I licked my lips at the thought of the chibi's ass on my crotch. Lately I'd been seriously lacking in Edward affection and it was starting to become unbearable.

Ed's eyes went to my lips as my pink tongue ran across them lewdly. I noticed a light blush dust his cheeks as he finished cleaning up the dishes and putting them away.

He looked down at his feet briefly before speaking up again, "You know…I bought us a 2 bedroom apartment, but we don't have to use both rooms." I glanced down at his hands and saw his fingers twitching like they had been doing a couple of hours before.

Was O' Chibisan nervous?

I shifted in my chair and sat up a little bit straighter, quirking an eyebrow at his behavior. "I'm interested," I drawled out with a smirk. Ed's face got even redder at that point as he walked forward towards my chair to stand before me. I gazed up at him, continuing to smirk as he spoke again. Despite the blush on his cheeks, his golden eyes were smoldering.

"Do you wanna pick a bed together right now?"

I felt myself twitch in my tight pants as I stood up in front of Ed and brought us nose to nose, feeling his breath hitting my lips rapidly.

"How about we start right here and see where it takes us?" I growled into his ear as I gave his lobe a small nip. A shiver went down his spine and he brought both his hands to my hips. We gazed into each other's eyes for a moment longer before he eagerly brought his lips crashing onto mine.

He was a vicious little pipsqueak! He attacked my mouth with vigor, first placing rough kisses over my lips and then biting hard on my lower lip. I grunted as I tasted a bit of my own fake blood before a crackle of alchemy healed it up. I kissed him back just as hard, beginning to press him back into the bedroom hallway as I ran my tongue over his lips, insisting entry.

Once I got us there, I shoved him roughly against the wall and tangled my fingers in his ponytail, ripping out the tie and plundering his mouth with my tongue. Ed moaned softly into my mouth when I pressed my full body against him, grinding on his hip. Despite having just eaten steak, Ed's mouth still tasted sweet, reminding me of the first time we had kissed deeply like this. I groaned as I shivered and let down my dominance for one second.

Ed, being the little shit he is, used that to his advantage. The next thing I knew, I was pinned to the opposite wall of the hallway and the chibi was viciously intertwining his tongue with mine while he rubbed his hands over my torso under my top. He managed to get it over my head and tweaked my nipples as he bit and sucked at my neck, leaving marks wherever he went. I moaned deeply when he bit down especially hard, drawing blood.

"Nggh…Ed you little fucker…I'm going to be on…ughh…top…" I growled at him between grit teeth.

He smirked up at me, making lustful eye contact as he slipped a hand under my headband and yanked it off, setting my hair free. "Why do you get to be on top, homunculus? Hmm? Maybe I want you to beg for mercy for once…"

The glint in his hooded eyes reminded me of the days we were out to kill each other all the time. It turned me on even more. I glared down at him maliciously and yanked his head back by his hair, earning a yelp from him and leaning in to whisper into his ear.

"Is that a challenge Edo?"

While he was taken off guard, I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, dragging him into the nearest bedroom and flinging him roughly onto the bed. I climbed on top of his body, pinning his hands together over his head with one of mine. Both of us were breathing heavily and his eyes glistened with fury as he gazed into mine. His anger made me ache painfully in my pants. Ohhhh, O'Chibisan you turn me on so much I can't take it!

I transformed my one free hand into a sharp knife with a zap of red alchemic energy. Edward's eyes went wide in shock and I cackled a little at his fear. I brought the cool, flat side of the knife to the pipsqueak's cheek and slowly slid it downward, careful not to cut his skin.

"Mmmm Edo…you get so fresh with me," Edward moaned as I used the knife to trace his jawline, "Have you forgotten who you're fucking with?" I shot him a manic, toothy grin as I brought the knife to rest at his neck.

Edward's chest was rising and falling rapidly as he awaited my next move. He was completely at my mercy and I _loved _it. No human had every made me feel this…pleasured before.

I slowly and sensually brought the sharpened knife down the front of his shirt, slicing it open as I went until it completely fell away from his body. Ed gave a small sigh of relief at my action, until I nicked his skin a little just beneath his navel. I transformed my knife back into my hand with a crackle.

"Oopsie."

Ed tossed his head back with a moan when I brought my mouth to the weeping cut before it could spill its blood, lapping up every last drop with my tongue. I worked my hands over his pants, rubbing his erection as I quickly removed them. He was left in nothing but his boxer shorts.

I released his hands for a brief instant to work on my own pants, only to be rapidly flipped onto my back with the chibi pressing himself between my spread legs. He ground his erection against mine with a thrust as I gripped the sheets and groaned.

"Ngghh…Fuck you!"

Edward chuckled darkly as he pulled off my own pants, exposing the tent in my shorts that was my need. I bucked my hips upward, demanding contact, no matter the position I was in. But it wouldn't be long before I changed that. No way I was going to be underneath Edward!

We kissed again passionately and I threw my weight around, managing to get us both into an upright position on the bed. Our arms were wrapped around each other and our hands grasped desperately at any inch of flesh we could reach. All sense of right and wrong had left my mind. Anything that defined me as inhuman was gone. All I knew was that I wanted Ed and I wanted him _now._

Releasing some of my true weight that I constantly displace, I got Ed pinned to the bed beneath me. I transformed one of my hands into a long green tentacle of my real flesh and kept his hands tied together over his head. No more fucking games! I was on top and I was staying there damn it!

I stared down at Ed's face as he finally stopped struggling against my hold. His face was tinted a beautiful shade of red and his lips were slightly swollen from the abuse I'd been giving them. His golden hair was fanned out around him and i watched transfixed as his chest rapidly rose and fell. Then he opened his eyes and looked at me. His eyes no longer held a fight to them, instead they showed something that I couldn't recognize. They were suddenly...soft?

Why the fuck was he looking at me like that?! No one had ever looked at me like that! I didn't know what to do or how to react. My mouth hung slightly open and my brows furrowed in confusion. My grip loosed a bit and I pulled my weight off of the chibi.

"I'll let you win today," Ed huffed out between fast breaths, "I had told you...I wasn't ready. But I'm ready now."

"Hmm?" I grunted as I frowned down at him. The fighting was fun! Why did he have to give up so fast?

"I'm ready. I want you Envy. Tonight."

It took a moment for his words to make it through my head, but when they did, I felt my own cheeks glow red with an uncharacteristic blush. I looked down on the man beneath me in wonder. Edward wanted me. _I_ was wanted.

I attacked his mouth with renewed vigor as we bumped and ground against each other's bodies desperately. Our breathless moans filled the room, and in the back of my mind I thought about our new neighbors hearing us. Fuck it. Soon enough we were both completely naked and I was grinding my erection between Ed's legs, teasing at his entrance.

"In...my pants pocket," he groaned, "I bought..._hah_...lube at the store."

I grinned down at Edward as I reached down into the pocket and retrieved the little bottle. He peered up at me nervously from behind ruffled bangs as I poured a generous amount of the sticky liquid onto my fingers and recapped the bottle. "Well well," I taunted sweetly as I began to press into his entrance, "Little Edo came prepared. He doesn't want the homunculus to make him hurt."

Ed tensed up and groaned as I began to work my fingers inside of him, pumping them in and out, stretching him, and searching for that little spot I knew would make him scream. When I finally found it, his body melted under my fingertips and he unleashed a needy moan.

"Fuck! Right there!"

I kept abusing that one spot inside of him, making him writhe in pleasure, as I lubed up my own erection. I sighed as my touch brought some much needed relief to the tension building up inside of me. Continuing to stroke my length roughly, I gazed intensely down at Ed as he moaned in pleasure. Finally he demanded horsely, "Shit Envy! Please! More! I need _you_!"

I removed my fingers from inside of him and positioned the head of my erection teasingly at his entrance as I loomed over him. My hair formed a black curtain, blocking us off from the rest of the world. "Hmm?! O'Chibisan? What do you want? You have to tell me what you want!" I chucked and leered down at him as he gasped in pleasure.

"Envy! Just do it! God! _Fuck me_!"

I grinned madly at his begging and leaned down to whisper in his ear, "Now Edo, you bought all this lube," I ran my tongue along the shell of his ear, "But it won't make you safe from me. I'm going to hurt you like never before. I'm going to make you scream!"

I roughly thrust my length into his body and he released a harsh scream. It was music to my ears! I don't think I've ever grinned that much in my whole life! And his body was tight and hot, sucking me in more and more, drawing out my own pleasured moans. His legs wrapped around my back tightly and I gazed down into his eyes, seeing tears of pain threatening to fall. I ran a finger softly under his eyes, catching the tears as I went, and smiled sickeningly sweet at the pipsqueak.

Then I started to thrust.

I didn't hold back, didn't start slow. The tight heat was addictive. Ed was addictive. He yelled in pain, raking his nails down my back and over my sensitive nodes. Blood was drawn and I could feel the tingling alchemic energy of my body cleaning up after the mess the shorty was making of me. But it all felt so good, even the slight pain. It amplified the odd warmth rushing through my body. I gave into the abandon of pleasure, falling on top of Ed's body, holding him close as I continued to thrust into him.

He let forth a moan as I thrust against that special spot inside of him again. Then he bit down hard into my shoulder as the pleasure passed. But I brought the pleasure back: again and again. Soon he was no longer screaming out of pain but out of sexual torture. For him being a virgin, and me being as rusty as I was, fuck it was _good_.

I grunted, thrusting hard as I brought my hand down to take care of his neglected erection, earning myself a keening moan from the blonde beneath me. Man, I thought I was loud. Edward was bringing down the house!

The frame of the bed slapped against the wall in time to the connection of our bodies, echoing through the near empty apartment. I was nearing my limit. It was all too good. I could fell the hot coil of my release building up in my belly. Ed seemed pretty spent himself.

"Fuck! Nggh! Shiiiiiit...Envy...oh Envy...I'm gonna..." he slurred out.

"Oh Ed...God you're...fuck!"

Ed gave one final drawn out moan as his seed spilled out all over our chests in waves. He clenched around me and fell over the edge too. With one last deep thrust I came deep in the pipsqueak, feeling the pleasure and satisfaction of release wash over my whole body leaving me tingling.

We both lay against each other on the bed, panting and twitching in the afterglow. Finally, Ed broke the silence with a quiet chuckle, "Well, I just lost my virginity to my worst enemy."

I slipped out of him and we both groaned at the loss of contact. Then, I propped my head up on my hand to look at him closer.

"I would hardly call us enemies anymore Ed. I think we crossed that threshold loooong ago," I said with a smirk.

"Yeah," he sighed, "I don't regret it. It was...not exactly what I had dreamt up for myself, but I don't regret it."

"And what beautiful story did you have dancing through your head Edo? That you'd come home to that blonde, curvy bitch Winry and boink her brains out? Have blonde little babies?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Well, babies would have been nice in the future. I actually would've loved to be a father. But, I'm not going to get far with that, liking other men. Oh well." He ran a weak hand through his hair before continuing, "Also, I guess I never saw myself being on the receiving end of that type of thing. I'm the dominant type."

"Well I'm the dominant type too Ed!" I whined.

"I didn't expect _you_ to be submissive. You're hardly that kind of guy Envy. I...enjoyed it more than I could have imagined actually. BUT, I do want to mix it up sometimes! Give me that at least!"

"Hmm," I grunted, "Well I'll think about it..." I trailed off and plopped onto my back out of exhaustion. But then a thought crossed my mind and I shot up again.

"Ohhhhhhhh! I thought of something!"

Ed jumped a little at my sudden movement. "What now Envy?"

"Mmm I just thought of something we could try. But you'll have to wait until tomorrow to see what it is."

* * *

**A/N: ****Envy:** And you damn filthy readers will have to wait until the next update to find out too! Sit back and wait patiently, you worms!

Oh ho ho...I'm evil. ;)


	12. Apprehension

**A/N:** Hey dudes! Sorry about the delayed update. College has started up again and this semester's classes are kicking my ass more than I expected they would. I've been too busy swimming in homework to even think about writing this. For the record, I'll try to update every other week, but don't hold me to it because school is a bitch.

**M rating is in full effect. **This chapter is basically 100% lemon, but not necessarily PWP.

**Disclaimer: **If you prefer to read EdxEnvy in purely yaoi situations, you might want to skip this chapter. It won't kill your read, although later on you'll encounter some…immaculate conception. Haha If you're open-minded like me, and understand that Envy is a sexless shape shifter, I hope you'll understand where I'm going here and accept Envy in this new form.

Now READ! (if you dare) ;)

**~MarionX**

* * *

Now, I know I said I'd thought of something Ed and I could do the next day, and it all seemed fine and good in my head at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to punch myself in the face. What was I even thinking? Doing _that_?!

Needless to say, I spent most of our first night in the new apartment tossing and turning, glaring at the pock marks in the ceiling, and listening to the pipsqueak snore as he drooled on the pillows. My stomach was in knots and my nerves drove me to nibble at my nails. Could I really do it?

I'm Envy, dominator and tormenter extraordinaire. If I'm involved in something, I always get the say-so; I'm always the boss, even if I have to throw a fit to get that privilege. The same was true of all my past sexual encounters. Not that I've had many. The mere idea of sex was repulsive to me, until the shorty. Even though I have no discernable sex, every time I'd had a sexual experience I'd always been the man, in control and delivering the blows.

No one has ever broken my barriers. I've never been fucked. I've certainly never been fucked like _that_. But some part of me apparently wanted it, because I opened up the invitation to Ed with my fat fucking mouth.

Everyone had always told me that I talked too much. That always pissed me off to no end, but in the moment, on that near bare mattress, I almost believed them.

I have a fucking big mouth.

There I said it. _Now_, forget I ever said it, you worms!

Edward started to stir on the mattress next to me as the morning sun began to glint through the parted curtains. He slept in a really ungraceful fashion: legs splayed, stomach exposed, mouth hung open with drool dribbling out of the corners. Had no one ever told him that we would catch a cold sleeping like that? Honestly.

When he cracked open his eyes to peer into mine, I felt my mouth quirk up a bit, but in more of a grimace than a smile. He yawned sleepily and snuggled a little closer to my torso, despite my eternally freezing body temperature.

"Morning Envy."

"Morning," I grumbled.

He repositioned himself so he could look up at me from where his head was resting on my chest.

"So, what were you so eager to tell me last night?"

Ed's eyebrows quirked up a little as I visibly flinched at his question. I was apprehensive about the whole situation, nervous to put myself in that position, but I also wanted it. I knew I wanted it and I would follow through with the damn idea. I thought about how I was going to approach it for a second before I responded.

"How about we take a shower together and I show you in there?"

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up in a classic smirk, although it wasn't as nasty as my usual faces. My nerves were really starting to show through my normally callous exterior. I stiffly rose from the bed and padded my way over to the door, leaning on the frame and turning back to Edward.

"Just give me 5 minutes to prepare, ok? You come in then."

Edward groggily nodded his head in agreement and flopped back down on the mattress. I turned on my heel, quickly made my way down the hall to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I pressed my back to it and brought my fingers up to my temples, massaging them gently.

Ok Envy, you can do this.

Red alchemic energy spread down my form slowly as I concentrated on changing the shape of my body. My shoulders became a little less square, my waist more soft and thin, my thighs and hips gained more shape, and lastly I focused on my chest, giving myself something my preferred form never had.

When the alchemic light dimmed, I turned to look at myself in the large mirror. What I saw there was actually not as bad as I was expecting.

I was a woman: 100% woman, down to the small, perky breasts and the lady bits. Placing a hand to my hip, I cocked it to the side and threw a handful of my dark hair over my shoulder. It cascaded down my back and I could feel the ends tickling at my bare ass.

Seeing myself in that form was a little disconcerting, I had to admit. It wasn't like I'd never been in the shape of a woman before; I'd been a woman a lot. But, I'd never taken the body I preferred for myself on a daily basis and changed it into the form of a woman. My body was always an androgynous mixture. I liked to keep my facial features, hips and thighs soft like a woman's, but I made sure to keep my shoulders and torso that of a man's. It was a perfect mixture that always kept people guessing.

I was Father's perfectly genderless creation, very close to "God" itself, so I was told.

But right then, I was a woman whose hips swayed slightly as she turned the tap on the bath, testing the water with long slender fingers. Finally content with the level of heat, I pushed the curtain to the side and stepped in, releasing the lever to start the spray of the showerhead. The water shot out cold as ice at first and made me jump back against the shower wall in shock. Eventually, it rose to the temperature that I desired and I stepped under the waterfall. The cascades of water soaked through my hair as I brought my fingers through it, releasing any tangles I found. When wet, my hair was always more manageable. It even looked like normal, straight black hair, sticking down my back like a second skin.

I trembled a bit and sighed as I brought my hand down my wet body. My breasts were small, but soft. I could get used to them. The one thing that kept throwing me off was not having a dick hanging between my legs.

Grumbling as I cupped the nothingness of my crotch, I heard the bathroom door click open and then shut. Instantly, I felt my body tense up a bit. Edward was about to see me like this. I sucked in a breath and gulped, composing myself before sticking my dripping head out from around the shower curtain.

"Hey Edo," I chimed, my voice a little smoother than usual. Everything about me was softer as a woman: my body, my voice, and my mannerisms. I gave Edward a shy, but sultry look from around the curtain I concealed my body with.

He was still nude from the night before and his hair was a testament to exactly how wild that night was. I would say that he had not one, but five antennas sticking out of his head. No matter how disheveled he looked, his body was still chiseled like a sculpture. The automail scars were like an artist's personal signature.

The sole of his one automail leg clunked heavily against the tile floor as he approached the shower. His hair wasn't confined to a braid or pony tail and flowed down his toned back, swaying side to side as he walked. Once he came inches from my face, I felt like I could hear my own artificial heart hammering in my chest over the hiss of the shower spray behind me.

"What're you hiding behind that curtain Envy?" he said with a smirk. Ed cocked his head to the side and gave my chest one firm poke with a finger. I stumbled back a bit but didn't relinquish my grip on the curtain.

A smirk of my own spread from ear to ear. It was a dangerous grin; I was gaining back some of my usual confidence.

"How about you come in here and take a look, short stuff?" I quipped, before disappearing completely behind the curtain again. Standing underneath the spray of water, I awaited his arrival. I sucked in my breath as the curtain parted and an automail leg stepped through. I hugged my torso with my thin arms, watching as he got all the way in and turned to take me in fully.

"I'm not a micro midget tiny-," Edward gasped and then pushed his bangs back with a quiet chuckle, "Wow. Envy…Wow."

I sensually grazed my fingertips down my stomach all the way to my thighs, one side of my lips turned upwards in a sexy yet animalistic smile.

"You like this Ed?"

Edward brought his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes vigorously before gazing upon me again. "Yeah I do! Damn!" he laughed to himself, "And here I told myself I was gay." He gestured downwards to the obvious arousal he was starting to sport.

I chuckled too and beckoned him a little bit closer.

"This isn't just for show Ed. You can touch the goods," I jumped a little, making my breasts bounce, "And you forget that I'm not really a man. You can't be gay with a shape shifting homunculus."

"That's true," he replied, coming closer and resting his hands on my hips, "Maybe I'm just…open-minded." I looked into his golden eyes unblinkingly for a couple of seconds before he closed in and initiated the kiss.

Edward's body pressed against mine under the cascade of water, our lips starting their lustful dance for dominance. We kissed fiercely for a good couple minutes, our tongues interlacing and our hands reaching out for slippery wet skin. At one point, his hand came up to grip and grope one of my breasts and I moaned at the new sensations it brought. White-hot electricity shot to that unfamiliar part of me between my legs as he twirled a nipple between his fingers.

"Mmm Envy," Edward moaned in satisfaction, "If you're like this, does it mean what I think it means?"

I gasped as he brought his other hand down to brush against my ass. Nothing we were doing seemed to be sating the fire that was steadily building between my legs. If anything, it kept increasing in sensation to the point where it ached inside. All the foreplay was much more intense in a woman's body than it was in a man's. It was driving me insane with need.

I needed Ed, _inside me_.

Well shit, that's not something I'd admit to everyday.

"If you want to…I thought we could try it," I said with a voice full of need. I felt like I was looking at everything with rose-colored glasses at that point. Even Ed was evoking stronger feelings within me than I was used to. They were feelings that I didn't want to acknowledge the existence of, much less figure out.

Ed brought his mouth down to kiss one of my nipples and I went rigid with pleasure. When he began to suck and nibble on it, I could no longer hold back my moans.

"Ahhh! Ed please!"

I could feel him bucking his erection against my leg and I reached down to grasp it in my hand. As I began a harsh stroke, he only bit harder on my breasts, making me cry out even more. The fire in my stomach was unbearable!

Suddenly he came to a complete stop.

What. The. Fuck?!

I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. Ed's face was steadily growing more and more red as he spoke, "Umm, since you're a woman…and…yeah…shouldn't we be using…um…"

"Spit it out dumb ass!" I spat in frustration.

"Shouldn't we be using protection?" Ed squeaked out.

I stared at him with an unamused face and the only thing that could be heard was our heavy panting and the fizz of water hitting the tiles for a good ten seconds. Then I smacked Edward upside the head.

"Are you a fucking idiot?!" I hissed at him as I continued to beat on his head, "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm _not human_. Not. Human. As in, no genetic material to speak of. Pure alchemic creation. I can't get pregnant you dumb fuck! Damn! Way to ruin the mood, asshole!"

I gave him one more flick to the forehead before standing back to observe him with my hands on my hips. Edward rubbed at his forehead with his hand and groaned at the pain I caused him. Serves him right!

"Damn Envy!" he grunted, "It's a valid question! Not like I've ever been with anyone like you before."

He continued to stand there stupidly and scratch at his head. Meanwhile, _I_ felt like a fucking volcano was about to explode between my legs.

"Ed, fuck, sorry I hit you ok? Just, please, come help me out with the damn situation you put me in."

The shorty came close to me again, resting his hands on my shoulders, but still had that stupid look plastered on his face.

"Umm, what situation did I put you in again?"

I growled in frustration, grabbed one of his hands, and shoved it down between my spread legs.

Edward went rigid.

"OH! That…situation."

"Finish what you started pipsqueak," I forced his hand to slide through the wet folds between my legs, gasping at the touch, "Or…are you going to chicken out like a short _little_ boy?"

Ed seemed to have composed himself at that point, because he leaned in to nibble on and whisper in my ear, "There are no short little boys here…"

I felt his finger slowly enter me, touching me in a way that I'd never been touched before. Initially, the feeling was slightly uncomfortable, but after a while the friction of his finger pumping in and out was electrifying. I wanted more.

"Ed, more…haa…please," I moaned into his ear. He obliged by inserting a second finger and stretching me gently. I threw my head back against the tiled wall and started to pump his erection again. The rain of the showerhead danced down on us and slicked every inch of skin.

The burn deep inside of me became more insistent, building to a head. My breaths came quicker and quicker. Finally, when Ed withdrew his fingers, brushing over the most sensitive part of me as he went, I had the most insane orgasm of my life.

I screamed out and scratched at Ed's chest as it hit me in waves and left me a trembling mess. I never knew that the female orgasm would be that…fucking sweet.

Ed wasn't as sated as I was though, and I understood his plight. I'd been in his shoes before. He needed satisfaction too and I knew just how to give it.

Turning around, I placed my hands on the slick, tiled wall and stuck my ass out for Edward. I pulled my sopping wet hair over one shoulder, exposing the red nodes on my back.

"Come on Ed. You know what to do. Do it already," I panted at him from over my shoulder. We looked at each other with hooded eyes as he moved forward, placing a hand on the small of my back and getting in position. I could feel the head of his dick press gently against me and I couldn't help wiggling my hips into the touch. I audibly heard Edward gulp and then I felt him pressing into me.

Fuck it kind of hurt.

I bit my lower lip as he came to the hilt inside of me and stopped, allowing me a moment to adjust to the feeling. Edward felt huge inside me, but at the same time there was something pleasurable about it. I let out a sigh and pushed back a little into our connection.

"You can move Edo."

And move he did; he pulled back and pushed back in with a force that sent stars dancing in front of my eyes. I yelled out and curled my fingers into fists against the wall. He started a steady rhythm that had me gasping in pleasure. Edward wrapped his arms around my torso and pulled me as close to his body as he could, hugging me like his life depended on it. My head felt like mush as he continued to thrust into me.

As he landed soft kisses on my alchemic nodes, I began to take note of the weird feelings that were brewing inside of me. They weren't feelings coming from the pleasure of sex, I can tell you that. No…they were almost like feelings of…adoration. Like Ed was the only person in the world. Like I wanted to exist only for him and him only for me. Like I wanted to be together like this with him forever. None of those feelings ever crossed my mind when I'd had sex as a man in the past, even with Ed. I would have known if they were there; they were too intense and heart wrenching to miss.

And then I started to feel the tears form in the corners of my eyes. Disgusting female feelings!

I made quick work to wipe them away before Ed took notice, but I couldn't hold back the little pathetic sniffling sounds I was making with my nose. Ed slowed down his pace and pulled my chin up to look at him.

"Envy? Are you ok? Are you…crying?"

"NO!" I screamed hoarsely, despite the obvious wetness in my eyes, "I'm not fucking crying and I'm not hurting! Just fuck me Ed! Damnit!"

Edward looked taken aback for a moment before he caressed the side of my face gently and chuckled. He had that odd look in his eyes again, just like the night before. All I could do was look up at him open-mouthed as he stroked my cheek. He placed a kiss there before he picked up his pace again. Judging by the jerky thrusts and groans, he was definitely nearing his completion.

When it finally hit him, he bit into my shoulder and moaned, riding out his orgasm. I could feel his warm seed blossom inside of me and it caused me to moan myself as I pressed my forehead against the cold tile wall.

We stood hunched over that way for a while, him inside me with the now chilly shower water hitting our backs. Finally, he pulled out and I stood up straight to face him. Red electricity took my body as I transformed back into the form I loved. Muscles became more defined and the breasts went away. Most importantly, I felt a dick between my legs. Ahhhh never felt better!

I smirked at Ed from under the cold spray of water. He still looked like he was on the last fringe of pleasure. Grabbing the bar of soap next to me, I began to lather up my chest with suds.

"Stop standing there like an idiot. Let's get clean and get a move on Ed. If I recall, we have a meeting today with a certain someone I_ looove _oh so much~. Can't wait. The anticipation is killing me."

Edward rolled his eyes and smacked a hand to his forehead, "Woooow. And you call me the mood killer? Way to bring up General Mustang in the afterglow. I did _not_ need him in my sex life."

I made a ridiculously sarcastic face at Ed, complete with huge eyes, "Whaaat? I thought you both were doing it all the time back in the good ol' days!" I lowered my voice to do an exact imitation of Mustang, "'I'll give you information about the Philosopher's Stone…for a price.'"

I doubled over as peals of psychotic laughter left my mouth. I'm fucking hilarious! I swear!

Edward, as always, thought otherwise.

"Envy, you're a dick, you know that?" he grumbled out in frustration before he snatched the soap from my trembling hands. I stood a little straighter, but continued to stifle the little giggles that escaped my lips with one hand.

"You're right though. It's practically 9am. We need to get our asses over there, before the bastard has a fit." He pushed his hair back with a sigh, "We've got a long day ahead of us."

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry, that was a bit short. But now the deed is done and I can take a break from lemons for a little while. Whew!

FYI: Envy enjoyed this moment of heterosexual sex, but has decided to remain a male for the rest of this story. He told me himself. Haha ;)

**~MarionX**


	13. Anxious

**A/N:** New chapter! Lots of talk and some fluff. Gotta get this plot moving along my friends. Come next chapter, expect the real drama to begin.

I've noticed quite a few new followers and favoriters. Thank you! I'm glad you like my story so far. It's far from over. But, you know what I like even more than Follows and Favorites? Comments! I love comments! Ya'll should comment for me. ;)

Enjoy the chapter! **~MarionX**

_I don't own FMA or any of the characters. Just playing around with what's in my head._

* * *

We managed to make it out the door by 9:30am and I stood tapping my foot as Ed locked the door to our apartment. He'd pulled his golden hair back tight into a ponytail and was bundled up in a thick red coat, reminiscent of his old style back in the day. But, this coat was more fitted and didn't eat him alive. I think half of the problem he had with people calling him short came straight from the fact that he was always swimming in that tacky, oversized red coat.

But, that's just my opinion.

Edward forced me into dressing a little nicer too, seeing as we were going straight into the heart of Central Command. I was wearing tight black pants and my boots, per usual, but I also had on an emerald green button up shirt and a long black trench coat. Of course, I put my headband on too. Everything felt a little too stuffy. I'm used to being half naked, even in the middle of winter and snow. All the layers I had on were making me itch.

I started to erratically scratch myself everywhere as we made our way down the stairwell. Fuck! The jacket made my forearms itch! But, the pants made my ankles itch! And then there was the problem of my stomach itching! I bit my lip in frustration as I sought out the concept of being comfortable in clothes.

Edward was twitching next to me; I could see it out of the corner of my eye. Then, his fists began to clench. Shortly after that, he brought a hand to the front of my coat and gripped me tightly, jerking me close to his face.

"Whatever the hell you're doing Envy, stop it. Right now," He growled out with a steely glare.

My hands abruptly stopped their scratching, one poised on the back of my neck and the other on my stomach. I looked at him in open-mouthed confusion for a moment before I pouted.

"Edo! I'm itchy! All these clothes make me so itchyyyyy!"

"That's not my problem! Scratch the itches, but when you do it like that you look like a fucking lunatic!"

"But, Ed…isn't that exactly what I am?" I stepped back out of his grasp and smiled sweetly. It was one of those smiles that was _too_ sweet, the kind that make you inch away in fear.

Edward didn't do any inching away though. He just placed a hand on my back, wheeling me around and pushing my forward towards the lobby door. "Come on. Get going. And, for both our sakes, don't act like a weirdo in Central Command."

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, "Can't make any promises Ed."

The outside air had gotten even more blustery overnight. Winter weather was creeping up on us. All the trees that lined the streets were in the process of losing their leaves; they lay like deep, red pools of blood around the sidewalk. Everyone around us had on thick coats that they pulled tightly around their bodies. I pulled my trench coat tighter around myself too as a swift gust of wind sent my free hair flying wildly and a chill shooting down my frame. I shivered and scooted a little closer to Ed. The shorty was always full of delicious body heat, something that I couldn't make for myself.

Technically, as a homunculus, I could go for days in the freezing weather without being bothered in the slightest. Even if I were killed by hypothermia, I would just regenerate. Big whoop. Lately though, the cold had become more and more noticeable to the point where it was a downright pain in the ass. I guess that comes with the package of trying to act human though.

Me? _Human_? Ah ha ha ha ha!

I might be with the Fullmetal pipsqueak, but I could never drop as low as those worms.

I kept close to Ed as we walked down the sidewalk. I couldn't help but walk with my natural strut: chest puffed out, hands down in fists at my sides, muscles all flexing. The people around paid us no mind, too worried about their own business to pay attention. Although, I did notice a couple of people cast second glances at my hair. It darted insanely around me with the gusts of wind, giving me a sharp, unearthly appearance.

As more and more navy blue military uniforms materialized around us, I felt more eyes cast my direction. They weren't curious eyes, like in the minutes before. They were knowing eyes. These people knew who I was and what I was. Their gazes burned holes in my flesh. They were murdering me with their stares.

When we entered the front gates of headquarters and stepped into the large courtyard within, I began to hear the hushed voices.

"My God! I never would've thought I'd see it with my own eyes! That man!"

"That thing, it's a monster."

"Someone should kill it. Why isn't it dead?"

"That fucking beast is a threat to this country, to our existence!"

"Poor Fullmetal…"

"Poor Edward Elric…"

I rapidly thrust my hands into the pockets of my jacket and slapped a scowl on my face. The couple of people that had dared to near our path all jumped a little out of their skins from my quick movement. Ed, used to my shit by now, simply sniffed in disdain. I hunched forward slightly as we pushed ahead, starting to feel self-conscious from all the eyes on me.

I'd never walked through these grounds as myself, always as my military persona or an imitation of someone else. I may be diabolical and loud, but I'm built to fly under the radar, not be in the spotlight 24/7. That fucking makes me squirm. The damn humans looking down on me make me squirm.

My stomach churned dangerously and I sucked in my breath as we stepped forward through the building crowds.

By the time we made it to the elevators, news had spread that Envy the homunculus was in the building. The air was electric with the buzz of gossip.

Luckily, no one wanted to get on the same elevator as me, the inhuman beast. The doors closed and Ed and I were left with a moment of peaceful silence. He brought his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his body. I was a little shocked at first, almost slapped him or wiggled out of his grip, but eventually settled into the affection. I pushed all the loose strands of my hair over my shoulders and rested my head on his.

"Humans are fucking assholes," I grumbled, blowing a stray hair from my face.

"Not all humans are assholes Envy."

"Yes they are! Did you hear them out there?! Flapping their fucking jaws about how I should die! Heard a fucking old man tell me to burn in hell too! I've had enough burning for a god damn lifetime, idiots!"

Edward smiled wryly at my rant, which only fired me up more. He was laughing at me! I could see it in those golden pools of crap he called eyeballs!

I was getting more and more manic by the second. I could feel the pin pricks of tears threatening to leak from my eyes. All of my muscles were tense and flexing, my hands balled in tight fists. I could feel the red electricity dancing just below the surface of my skin.

"You too! I bet you hate me too! I bet you want me to curl up and die like all villains apparently deserve to fucking do-!"

Edward grasped my face roughly with his hands and brought his lips down upon mine, effectively silencing me. The electricity under my skin calmed to a steady ebb. The kiss wasn't passionate in the sense of being deep, but it held some sort of underlying feeling to it that I couldn't understand. It sent my stomach tumbling again, but not in a bad way. He laid several kisses on my lips before he pulled back, resting his forehead against mine and looking into my eyes. Those gold irises were smoldering and my stomach flipped again, just at their intensity.

"Envy, how could you even _think _for one second that I want you to die?"

"Umm…" I stuttered out, too taken with the weird flip-flopping in my chest to form a coherent sentence.

"Do you not remember what we did last night? Just this morning? If I wanted you dead, would I have done those things with you? No. No I…." he broke off for a moment and his cheeks flushed red as he fought to continue, "I…I care about you Envy, OK? More than you probably would understand."

Edward pushed his bangs out of his face with a shaky hand before he pulled me into his body for a tight hug. Being more and more used to physical contact, I instantly melted into the touch and brought my hands to his back.

"I won't let those bastards touch you," he said, muffled against my coat, "Fuck them and what they think. They don't know you like I know you. And Mustang too! Don't let him give you grief! You're not a monster Envy, you're…beautiful."

My eyes shot open wide and my body went rigid at his words. Shaken, I could form few words of my own.

"Edward…" I gasped.

The sharp ding of the elevator reaching the fifth floor shot us both out of our reverie. We quickly detached from each other, but I couldn't help but keep casting glances in Edward's direction. My face felt hot, really hot. As I stepped out of the elevator, I hazarded a look in the mirror on the wall. My cheeks were bright red and my eyes were glistening with some awestruck look.

I was fucking blushing like a little human girl. Disgusting!

I managed to make the blush go away as I followed Ed to Mustang's sector of the office, but I could still tell that every time I looked in Ed's direction it was with that pathetic little look.

We rounded the corner and were greeted by a room filled with desks. People that I vaguely recognized were busy typing away and completing paperwork. That one fat guy, was his name Brendan? I don't remember, but he looked up from his work and a smile spread across his face as he saw Ed.

"Hey! It's Fullmetal!"

Everyone else in the room stopped what they were doing and looked up as well. Happy greetings flew left and right. Ed smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head as he was bombarded with questions. How was he doing? What had happened in his life during the past few months? Was he there to accept new work?

I faded into the background of it all, standing slightly behind Edward. I stared down at the toes of my boots and twiddled my fingers, my black hair forming a bubble around me. I felt so out of the loop. Those weren't my friends. Those weren't my people. But, then I felt a hand come to lightly rest on my shoulder.

I whirled around, ready to break the wrist of the human who dared lay a finger on my body, but I came face to face with someone gentle. The corner of her mouth quirked up a bit at my dumbfounded face and she stepped back, giving me a little more space.

For being a sniper that claimed the sight of a hawk, that Riza woman sure had a soft face. Sure, her voice was always clipped and to the point, but even with her hair pulled tightly from her face, it was warm and inviting.

"Envy," she acknowledged me with a nod.

"Hawkeye," I said back.

"How're you doing? Adjusting to everything alright?"

_How was I doing?_ She was the first person to ask me that question, besides the shorty and sometimes the tin can. I really had to think hard on that one for a moment.

I was definitely happy, that much I could tell. Being back in my favorite city in Amestris, my old stomping grounds, really improved my mood. Every once in a while I had the sinking feeling that I was being watched, but surely that was because of my nature, of who I was. Ed and I moved in together. More importantly, we slept together. We fucked twice! That was something I'd have never predicted would happen, but oddly enough I was satisfied. In fact, I wanted more and I was starting to develop very possessive feelings for Ed. He was mine and mine alone. And just a few minutes ago I had a new development in our soppy little story. Edward was making my stomach tumble and flutter with every glance. It hit me extra hard when he caught me looking and our eyes met.

But I wasn't about to admit all of that shit.

"Fine," I grumbled with my gravelly voice, "We moved into an apartment down the road. I'm happy, I guess."

She gave a curt nod before speaking again, "I'm glad you're doing well. I won't lie, I was a bit worried about you."

"Ehh?! You worried about me?" my eyebrows shot up in confusion.

"Well, I understand what it's like to feel alone, to lose all your family. The others, they were like a family to you, right?"

I pondered on the truth for a second before replying, "Yeah, sometimes they felt like it. Well, some of them did."

"I just hoped you were coping well. And then I heard from Roy about what happened down in Risembool with Winry."

I blushed at that in embarrassment and my eyes darted about the room, avoiding contact. "Yeeeah…that. That won't happen again."

"I'm sure it won't," she agreed with a chuckle, "And I'm glad you and Edward seem to be getting along. Have you both gotten pretty close?"

HA! Close was an understatement! I think fucking was considered more than close. Ed and I…were together. I'd rejected that idea so strongly in the past, but now I felt like I could say it, in my head at least. Edward Elric and I were a couple.

Thinking about the shorty in that way made my cheeks start heating up again. I had to retreat behind my hair for a moment to compose myself. I hoped that Hawkeye hadn't noticed my blush. When I felt ready, I met her eyes again.

"Yeah, we've gotten really close. I feel closer to him than I've ever felt to any other human."

Riza smiled warmly at that. "I'm sure he'd love to hear you say that."

"Yeah," I replied while absentmindedly scratching an itch under my headband.

"Well, I'm sure you realized it was coming, but Roy and I are together now. We recently moved into an apartment together a couple of blocks from here. You and Edward should stop by for a visit sometime. Maybe some dinner."

"Mmm," I hummed out, "I'll let him know."

"And Envy?"

She'd placed a hand on my shoulder again, but this time it didn't make me cringe. It almost felt warm. I looked up and met her brown gaze with questioning eyes.

"If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone, you can come talk to me. I've forgiven you for the things you did. I know you've changed. But, things still must be hard. My door is always open to you."

I finally cracked a toothy smile, not an intimidating one though. It was the kind of smile that I could feel warming up my own body.

"Thanks Hawkeye. I'll remember that."

"Call me Riza, Envy."

"Thanks Riza."

At that moment, Mustang's office door finally came crashing open and he stomped out to investigate what was causing the noise in his wing. When he laid eyes on Edward though, his frown turned into a playful smile. He came up to Ed and heavily rested a hand on his head.

"Hello Fullmetal. So you finally came to see me?"

Edward visibly bristled as Mustang's hand weighed him down, compressing him to a smaller height. I couldn't hold back a hoarse giggle and I brought a hand to cover my lips. Ed immediately looked in my direction, as the room had grown much more quiet. He pointed an accusing finger.

"Hey! You! Are you giggling because you think I'm being squished short enough to slide underneath a door!? I'M NOT A MICRO PIPSQUEAK CHIBI RUNT!"

Mustang retracted his hand and brought it to his forehead, which he palmed in annoyance. "Well, your voice certainly hasn't decreased in volume over the last few months, has it?"

I, on the other hand, was doubled over and cackling at Edward's little shorty rant. Short enough to slide under a door? Where does he even think of that shit?!

"Edo! You're killing me!" I coughed out between boughts of laughter. A couple of Mustang's men joined in my giggles. We all remained that way for a good minute, Ed fuming with his arms crossed over his chest and me doubled over in laughter, until my cackles quieted to tiny snorts.

"Now then," sighed Mustang, "I'm glad you both showed up when you did. We're actually about to have a meeting about the Alchemy Academy. You should come with me."

Ed perked up at that nodded in agreement. He turned to shoot me a look, communicating without speaking, and I shrugged. Why not? That's what we were here for, wasn't it?

With a couple of goodbyes to the soldiers in Mustang's wing, we were headed back out the door we entered from and walked towards the elevator again. Riza made sure to make eye contact and wave goodbye to me in particular. I waved back with a genuine smile. I think I could grow to like that woman. And I might just take her up on her offer to talk, if anything ever came up.

I was getting a little hot, all bundled up indoors, so I unbuttoned my trench coat, allowing it to billow behind me as my boots stomped down the hallway floor. I'd walked down these halls many times before and almost had the floor plan of the building memorized. I even knew the locations of all the secret rooms and pathways to the underground tunnels I used to live in. I wondered if the dumb humans had found them all yet, or if some of them could still be used as a secret sanctuary.

The ride in the elevator one floor up was brief, but silent. I could tell that Mustang still didn't know what to make of me. He stood rigidly on the other side of Edward and I kept feeling the heat of his glance fall on me. Was I friend or foe? Well, that honestly depended on my mood given the day. I'll admit though, I was anxious to set foot in that room full of alchemists. I know I'd have to get used to being around them. I was teaching at the Academy with Ed for fucks sake! But if the animosity rolling off of Mustang was so strong, how powerful would a room full of people's be? All of my old enemies would be there. I would bet on it.

With a sharp ding, we reached the sixth floor, the highest floor of Central Command. Mustang stepped out first, leading us down the hall. I already had a hunch as to where we were going. It had to be the spacious conference room at the end of the hall, a couple of doors down from the Führer's office. I'd been in there my fair share of times.

Instead of taking off after Mustang, Ed lagged behind with me, making sure to keep pace with my long strides. Since Mustang's back was turned, Edward briefly brought his hand to mine and gave it a tight, encouraging squeeze. His honeyed eyes met my amethyst ones and he smiled brightly. The flip-flopping it set off in my stomach made a smile automatically grace my face as well.

'Don't be nervous,' Edward mouthed to me.

I merely stuck out my tongue at that, shaking off Ed's hand and walking with my chest held high: my usual confident strut. Me, _Envy_, nervous?!

Damn, the pipsqueak seems to be reading me better and better these days.

Mustang held open the conference room door for us and beckoned us inside with the sweep of his hand. I made note of the fact that his hand was bare, ungloved. That made me feel a little safer at least. Edward walked in ahead of me and I followed close behind. Mustang closed the door behind me with a click. I turned briefly to look at him, but his gaze was cold and steely. The way he stood in front of the door made it seem like he was locking me in there, like I was trapped. I gulped audibly and turned around to take in the rest of the room.

There were eight people already seated around the long wooden table. I recognized a few of the faces, but couldn't put many names to them. The few that stood out were the Führer himself, Grumman, that fucking huge, sparkly muscle freak Armstrong, and the man who once reduced me to a squirming pile of shit, Dr. Marcoh. Every person around the table was male, save for one woman. I never understood why more women weren't alchemists. I guess it came with "the times" in Amestris, just like the concept of men being with men.

Every person in the room looked at Edward somewhat in awe. Well, he was the child protégée that saved Amestris, so that made sense. After they inspected the shorty, their eyes all turned to me. They would stare at me for a second, as if trying to figure out who I was under all the new clothes, but then their eyes would turn cold. My hair was unmistakable. They knew what I was.

Edward broke the silence in the room with a shout, pointing his finger in the direction of the lone woman in the room.

"SENSEI?!"

Sensei? Edward never told me about a sensei.

The woman's hair was styled in long dreadlocks, pulled back into a ponytail. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and I could see the bluish black alchemist flamel tattooed on her left breast. She looked like she didn't take shit from anyone. Seemed like my kind of woman!

"I see after everything that's happened in your life, you're still one of the military's dogs, hmm Edward?"

"Speak for yourself!" Ed shouted in incredulity, "Why are you here? Are you teaching for the military?!"

Ed's sensei shrugged her shoulders, "I've said it time and time again Ed. I'm nothing more than a housewife and an alchemist. Führer Grumman here can be pretty convincing though."

The old man giggled creepily from the end of the table. I never liked that weirdo. A shiver went down my spine.

"He offered me a position as a teacher at the Alchemy Academy, told me that it would be completely excluded from military service. I'd be nothing but a teacher to aspiring alchemists. I thought about it hard and came to the decision that it wasn't a bad idea. I know I have knowledge to share and with the reforms to the state alchemist system, I wouldn't be training little military dogs."

"But what about Sig and Mason? Your butcher shop?"

"Just because I'm going to be teaching doesn't mean that I can no longer be a housewife Ed. We decided to relocate to Central. It'll be good for the business, seeing as there's been an influx of people moving to Central after the Promised Day. Central is a changing place. I guess I thought it was time for a little change as well," she paused for a moment, looking at me with a frown, "By the way, where's Al? Unless he miraculously grew ridiculous, long black hair and started dressing like a punk, I assume the person behind you isn't him."

"HEY!" I shouted in my gravelly tone.

Edward swiftly turned to give me the shit look, saying nothing, but cocking one eyebrow and pointing a finger at me. I slammed my mouth shut with a grumble, crossing my arms over my chest and sitting into my right hip.

Mustang clapped slowly through the silence in the room.

"Congratulations. You've officially got the monster on a leash. Does he eat out of your palm now too?"

I bared my teeth and growled at him lowly in my throat, my hands balling into fists at my sides.

"Ohh~? He growls like a monster too!"

I lurched towards the bastard, poised to take a swipe at him, but Edward brought my arms behind me and locked me in place against his chest. I scrambled against him, growling, "Let me at him! Damn it! Let me at him!"

"No Envy! God! Behave, damn it!"

A loud whistle from the other end of the room made us all stop what we were doing and turn to give attention. Führer Grumman had his head rested on top of his hands as he spoke.

"Weeeelll, now that that's resolved, how about we all have a seat and get down to business."

I let out a sigh of pent up frustration and drug my feet behind Ed as we took our seats. I was forced to sit next to the muscle-bound weirdo. I could see him sparkling out of my peripheral vision. What the fuck was with that anyways? Mustang sat across from me and I could feel him staring me down like he was asking for a damn fight or something.

"OK," Grumman cleared his throat, "We all know why we're here today. This is the first meeting for teachers of the Central Alchemy Academy. I guess I'll go around the room and make introductions, in case some people haven't met."

He pointed directly to his right at Dr. Marcoh, "This is Dr. Tim Marcoh, former Crystal Alchemist and authority on the workings of the Philosopher's Stone as well as other military research. Next to Dr. Marcoh is Izumi Curtis. She is not affiliated with the military, but she's an exceptional alchemist and the teacher of both Alphonse and Edward Elric. Then we have General Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist and major player in the Promised Day battle."

After that came three faces that I didn't recognize. Edward didn't seem to know them either.

"Next we have Major Samuel Hartwell, the Earth Alchemist and authority on structural alchemy. Then Major Robert Harvey, the Lightning Alchemist. Major William Spears, the Soul Alchemist, known for his research on the healing abilities of Amestrian alchemy."

He moved around to the other side of the table, coming to Mr. Steroids. "Here we have Major Alex Louis Armstrong, the Strong Arm Alchemist. Also a large player in the Promised Day battle."

Armstrong shot up out of his chair and I gave a startled yelp. His shirt was off before I could even blink and the sparkling had turned up twenty notches. He gestured around the room as he hollered, "Ah! It's so wonderful to be back with all of my colleagues! I get to share my glorious muscles with you once more! Don't they motivate you?!"

He struck a pose, flexing obnoxiously close to my face and I silently scooted my chair closer to Ed's.

"I assure you my friends, that we will have a grand time teaching together! The art of teaching has been passed down through the Armstrong family for _generations_!"

He struck one final pose before sitting back in his seat with a thump. Still shirtless. Someone get that man a fucking shirt! And they call me a monster…

I grimaced as Grumman came to me. My anxiety got the best of me, making my back go rigid. I silently picked at my fingers under the tabletop.

"Next we have someone extra special, not an alchemist at all but a homunculus from the old regimen. This is Envy. He was once an enemy but is now an ally and under the charge of Edward Elric. He's immortal and known for his ability to change shapes at will. He'll be assisting Edward with his classes and providing the students with any knowledge that he has from his long life. You've lived a long time, right Envy?"

I was taken aback for a moment by the question, not having expected to be asked anything. I'm such a minor player in this whole thing. Why did the old man have to put me on the spot?!

"Umm," I grumbled out, "Yeah. I'm over 175 years old." I scratched at the back of my head nervously, ruffling my already messy hair.

A couple of people gasped around the room. Apparently not everyone knew too much about the homunculi. Bet they didn't even know that I wasn't the oldest. Pride was at least twice my age!

Grumman cackled at my comment and I looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. What the fuck did I say now?

"You're so much older than me and look how wrinkly and decrepit I am! I would kill to have such a youthful body like yours! Hoo! I'm _envious_." The nasty old man shot me a wink. It physically made me convulse a little and slump down in my chair. I kind of wanted to puke.

Dr. Marcoh interrupted the Führer's laughter as he cleared his throat to speak, "And how do we know that you truly are an ally now, Envy? As I recall, you were considered to be the master of deception among all of the homunculi."  


Everyone in the room stared at me as they awaited my reply. The room was so silent, I thought I could _hear_ muscle man sparkling. I felt a drop of sweat start to descend from under my headband and I wiped it away with my hand. The intense scrutiny was overwhelming. I didn't know what to say! That I was good guy, but I had residual homicidal tendencies and a slight hatred for humanity as a whole?

It was then that I felt Edward's hand gently grip mine under the table, away from everyone's piercing eyes. It was just like back in the hallway. His grip on me was comforting, motivating. It brought my head to a level plane. Also, it warmed my body from head to toe. I met Ed's gaze and he nodded his head, encouraging me to push on.

"I..." I stuttered, "I'm not doing anything fishy Dr. Marcoh. I'm just trying to live my life and attempt to be...human. I appreciate your praise to my previous work," I ground out with a smirk, "but I promise not to deceive a single one of you."

Edward cut in and reaffirmed my shaky statement, "And he's with me. You don't need to worry about him. I'll keep the bastard in line!" He gave me a wink and nudged my side with his elbow.

Marcoh nodded and seemed to accept my words, as he leaned back in his chair, looking a bit more relaxed. The entire room seemed a little less tense. The whole situation wasn't turning out as bad as I thought it would've. We all looked back to the Führer, waiting for him to continue. He went right back to it, saving the best for last in my opinion.

"Finally!" he bellowed, "We have Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist! Surely I don't need a further introduction for him, do I? His brother Alphonse Elric will also be joining us eventually. He's currently in Xing studying Alkehestry. He should be gone for about half a year, but then he'll come back to us and share all of his new knowledge."

Grumman shifted a few pages of paper around in front of himself. I picked at the hem of my coat, excited to hear what we'd be doing. I hadn't had a mission in ages!

"Now, the scheduled opening date for the Central Alchemy Academy is set for December 1st, which is two months from today. We've already had great interest in the concept and many students have begun to enroll. The facility for the classes has already been secured as well. It'll be the old military school a couple buildings down the road. I'm sure you know the one. It's been empty for a few years and is perfect for the job. I'd like each of you to report 2 days a week, for a couple hours, to the location of the academy to help set up the classrooms and fix up the school. As of right now, I'd like to bestow the title of Headmaster to General Mustang. In addition to teaching alchemy, he'll be heading this whole project. An old man like me can't be both the Führer _and_ a Headmaster! That's just silly!" He waved his hand in front of his face and giggled.

"Currently, the plan is to let students sign up for classes with specific teachers on an interest basis. I want you each to come up with your own curriculum within the next month and present it to General Mustang. From there, he can put out a general synapsis of the types of things you'll be teaching and also the types of alchemists you are yourselves. Students will sign up for your classes, which will have a cap on their capacity, and you will teach them all you have to teach. Mentor them. Train them up! In order to graduate, they'll have to pass an exam which is a modified version of the old state alchemist exam. They can take it at any time. Once they succeed, they'll be considered full-fledged alchemists by trade and will have government recognition for any job they seek. Everything make sense?"

Every head in the room bobbed in eager acknowledgment.

"Well then, go out, get creative, and get ready! We're doing this people!"

* * *

**A/N:** Review? Pretty please? :D

Hope you liked it. Lots of new characters showed up in this chapter. Some OC's also, which won't have a big role in the story. Maybe you recognize the name of one of them? I couldn't help myself! haha

I want Riza to get close to Envy and be a friend/mother figure. I feel like that would work out. And now Envy has the _butterflies_ in his tummy?! What's next?! heehee


	14. A Date With A Homunculus

**A/N: **Well now, I have no idea where I pulled all this fluff from! Haha Totally didn't intend for this chapter to exist, but it just sprang to life. MissiB once mentioned in a review that they wanted to see a chapter from Ed's POV, so here it is. I hope it gives you some insight to the differences in Ed and Envy's emotions. The part in the middle of the chapter that's in italics is a flashback narrated by Ed, in case anyone gets confused by it.

I think this story is falling into two parts. Part one ended with the last chapter and this chapter is a transition into part two. With that said, I think the story is about 1/2 finished...maybe.

FMA is not owned by me in any way.

Enjoy the chapter of fluffy stuff **~MarionX**

* * *

**Chapter 14: A Date With A Homunculus**

_Dear Edward,_

_How're you doing? I hope everything's going well with your new job. Also, I hope Envy's doing alright. How is he? The people here in Xing follow strict traditions and ways of life. They certainly don't have as colorful of personalities as you two. I miss having you both around! You're both a pain at times, I will admit, but in the end you both make me smile._

_Things are going well here in Xing. Despite winter being upon us, the temperature is still rather warm. It's odd to get used to. Everyone here is so nice and accommodating though! Ling's put me up in a room in his palace for the duration of my studies. May stays in the palace as well. She's the chief advisor on all things to do with Alkehestry and healing here._

_Alkehestry is so hard to learn brother! Much harder than when we just learned Alchemy from dad's books. There aren't many books that teach Alkehestry, mostly just books that teach its applications. It's all about feeling "the dragon's pulse", which I'm sure you already knew. But feeling the dragon's pulse in the Earth isn't something you can just learn. It's hard to describe…almost like the act of breathing. You can't think about it too hard. It just happens. Once you break through the initial barrier and feel the dragon's pulse, it gets easier to do. Mostly you have to meditate. I've done so much meditating brother! In all honesty, I don't think you could ever sit still and be quiet for that long! ;)_

_I've been picking up on Alkehestry more quickly than I thought I would have. I'm farther along in my studies right now than both May or I thought I'd be. Maybe I'll finish my training early and be able to come home sooner than I thought. I can't wait to see the Central Alchemy Academy and teach! I also can't wait to see you and Envy again. _

_Well, you better write me back brother. I'd love to hear from you. You keep working hard and I'll keep working hard!_

_Love,_

_Alphonse_

_PS: A couple of days ago I asked May out on a date. She said yes! I'm so excited! I really like her brother. I even think that I might love her. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. We'll see._

* * *

It's the end of November already. How did time fly by so fast? Granny always told us that the older we got, the quicker our lives would pass. I never thought twice about that. Childhood seemed never-ending. But now here I am, 19 and about to teach at a school. Not how I'd expected to be leading my life, but hell, I think I did plenty of living during the last 18 years. The things we did…geez, you'd think they'd write a book about it. I should write a book about it! I could make plenty of cenz off of it. But honestly, no one would believe it. It'd just be another fantasy novel. Attempting to reincarnate our dead mother, souls bound to suits of armor, danger that literally lurked in the shadows, and a two-story high green dragon monster.

Oh and by the way readers, your author is now dating said green monster.

No one would believe that crap.

And so my life is only shared with those who matter. You matter the most to me, but you're far away in Xing. You sound like you're doing well over there. Even picking up dates with that little girl May Chang! I always knew you liked her, but you would never admit it. You always thought I liked Winry. She was pretty, sure, but I found it hard to have an attraction towards her. I found it hard to have an attraction towards anyone! It really worried me the older I got. How could an 18-year-old boy have no attraction to anyone?

But, that all changed nearly a year ago. Apparently I _can_ feel attraction, I was just looking too closely at the...human variety.

Envy fell into my life, pretty literally too. In one second he was trying to kill himself and in the next I was his personal guardian. My worst enemy and myself, together 24/7 doesn't sound brilliant, does it?

I didn't think so either, but by some freakish joke of the gate we got along and got together. I'm in a relationship with a homunculus. That sounds like it could be a book too, huh? I don't regret it though. Despite being a pain in my ass and calling me certain words pertaining to being vertically challenged, Envy's one of the best things that's happened to me.

That bastard's unpredictable and just plain rude, but he's also softer than I'd ever imagined, and he just gets softer by the day. He keeps fighting with "the emotions of the fucking worms", as he kindly calls them. Yeah thanks for calling me a worm, palm tree bastard! You're _literally _a little green worm!

But really, I can't imagine what he must be feeling, being bombarded with all of these things that he doesn't understand. Sometimes I find him frowning to himself, sitting on the window seat in our apartment, staring down at the people walking on the street below. He's not angry. I can see it in his eyes. He's thinking, he's frustrated, and I think sometimes he's a little bit scared. But he never shares those emotions with me; any of the emotions that would make him seem vulnerable.

I know he's scared of letting go. I can tell he's trying to block out all the foreign emotions. It's bottling up inside him. Eventually he's going to snap and the last thing I need is for that weirdo to snap. It could mean a string of serial murders!

I care about him, so much. I told him once that I care about him more than he could comprehend. It's really true. If something happened to Envy now…I don't know what I would do. He's like family to me, just like Winry. But when I look at him, or when he's gently kissing me after we're together, something different stirs in me. He's like Winry, but he's not. He makes me warm, down to the tips of my toes. When he's not being a complete ass, I can't help but smile every time our eyes meet.

I think I'm falling in love with him.

Hell, what am I saying? I don't know how love like that feels! But there's something about Envy. He's magnetic for me. I feel like we're meant to be together. I never want to leave his side.

Sometimes, I see a flicker in those amethyst eyes of his and I think that maybe he's feeling the same things as me. As quickly as it flashes though, it's gone and a frown is back on his lips. He keeps saying he's happy, but he frowns so much. It makes me worried.

Maybe he'll never be able to feel the things I'm feeling. Maybe he's just too scared to admit he feels them too because it would only bring him further down to the level of a human being.

I wish he could understand. I wish he could let it all go, all of his demons that he constantly fights with. Better yet, I wish he'd let me in to fight those demons with him. I don't want it to be our downfall. I can't bear to lose him.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like we're on shaky ground or anything. We're getting along perfectly fine. I just wish we could move closer emotionally. I've been trying hard to break his walls. Just a couple of weeks ago I thought I got pretty close to knocking them down…

_We'd been in Central for a while already, but hadn't gone out to do much. I spent my days diligently preparing my curriculum for my classes. Envy spent most of his days watching the people of the city interact or reading books. He's a big reader! He can finish a thick book in no time flat. He also knows five languages. Five! Who would have thought that the bastard was actually a scholar in his own right?_

_The sun was starting to set on another long day of hard work. Envy's lean form was backlit by the setting sun through the bay window as he hunched over reading yet another book. I watched his lips twitch as he quietly mouthed the words on the page. His thin, pale fingers came up to his face, brushing a stray strand of black hair behind his ear. I stood up and pushed the dining room chair in, making my way over to him._

_His violet eyes glanced up at me, but he didn't raise his head as I squeezed into the window seat next to him. He'd told me before that I wasn't allowed in that seat, but lately he'd been letting me wiggle in there with him. He brought an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close as he continued to scan the pages of his book. I leaned my head on his shoulder._

"_Hey Envy?"_

"_Hmm?" he grunted._

"_You wanna go out tonight?"_

_He set the book down on his lap and turned to look at me. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, setting small wrinkles in the triangle on his forehead._

"_What do you mean Ed?"_

_I shrugged my shoulders, "Oh, I don't know. I'm always working. You're always reading or watching people like a creep-"_

"_HEY!" he exclaimed as he gave me a shove that nearly knocked me off the window seat._

"_Anyways, I thought we could go out and do something. Like, a date, I guess…"_

_I trailed off mumbling and I could feel my face start to go red. I'm such a loser when it comes to blushing. And who am I kidding? A date with a homunculus!?_

_Envy placed the marker in his book and closed it, setting it down on the sill. He crawled over my lap and stood, placing his hands behind his head and stretching. After a few pops from his spine, he put his hands on his hips and turned back to face me._

"_Yeah Ed, why not."_

_I was lost in my little mental land and didn't comprehend what came out of his mouth. I stared at Envy dumbly before he gave me a whack over the head and I came to._

"_You taking me out or what, pipsqueak?"_

_PIPSQUEAK?! I shot from the window seat in a blind rage, my fists already swinging._

"_WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE'S LIKE A LITTLE BABY MAN THE SIZE OF A RICE GRAIN THAT HAS TO STAND ON YOUR FEET WHEN HE DANCES WITH YOU?!"_

_Envy's hand had a firm grip on my forehead, keeping me at bay as my whole body flailed. He had a bored look on his face as he brought his one free hand up to stifle a yawn._

"_You want to go dancing?" he asked with curiosity when I'd calmed down somewhat._

_He still looked confused by my intentions as I replied, "Yeah, sure. I've never really checked out the nightlife of Central. I was too young and caught up in my life before. I know there's a dance club a couple blocks away. I've heard people talk about it."_

_Envy brought his hand up to absentmindedly scratch at his forehead. It was a habit of his. Even if he didn't have his headband on, he still scratched like it was there when he was thinking._

"_Yeah yeah. Ok, I can try it. When do we go?"_

"_Hmm," I thought aloud, "I guess and hour or two. Once it's completely dark."_

_We walked over to the small couch in the sitting room and had a seat, since we weren't going anywhere fast. After a moment of silence, Envy spoke again._

"_Hey Edo?"_

"_What Envy?"_

"_How do I put this…you know what you and the tin can told me about men being with men in Amestris?"_

"_What _Alphonse_ and I told you, yeah?" I put an emphasis on Al's name. I can't believe that he still calls him the tin can! Seriously?!_

"_Well, when we go out tonight, should I be a man or a woman?"_

_That was actually a really good question. Envy was finally having some rational lines of thought. Good for him. _

_Would it be ok to go out dancing with another man? But Envy wasn't really man, technically. I know he's used to adapting and changing with the situations around him, but the thought of him having to change who he was just because of public opinion? _

_That made me mad._

_Fuck it. I was going dancing with a man. __People were going to have to find out about us one day anyways._

"_Stay a man," I told him, "Wear that one shirt you have that looks both green and purple. It looks really good on you."_

_Envy looked a little put off. The idiot can't even take a compliment?_

"_What?! We're fucking and now you think you can tell me what to wear? You going to tell me to clean the house like a housewife next?!"_

"_Envy," I huffed in frustration, "it was a compliment, damn it."_

_He stuck his nose up indignantly and pouted like a child, "Hmmph. Whatever."_

_The next two hours before we went out passed by rather uneventfully, unless you want to count making out intensely as eventful. To me it's a daily occurrence. It just comes with the package deal of dating Envy the psychopath._

_At around 10 pm, we were headed down the street to the club._

_We were both wearing tight black pants, button up shirts, and were bundled up in our thick coats. Envy actually wore the shirt I told him to and he looked really great. He'd wet his hair before he'd tied it back behind his head, making it have less of the thorny look that it usually had. For once it looked soft to the touch as it cascaded over his shoulder and nearly reached his waist. _

_He'd convinced me to not wear all black for once. He'd called me "a harbinger of death"! Asshole. If anyone was the punk, it was him! But he got me into one of my few colorful shirts, a red silk button up, the sleeves of which he'd rolled up to my elbows for me. _

"_You look fucking hot Edo," He'd told me._

_Hot? I don't know what he sees in me. He's the one that's damn gorgeous all the time._

_There wasn't really one dominant figure in our relationship so far. Neither of us held hands as we walked. Occasionally though, we'd walk a bit too close to each other and bump shoulders. It was comforting to be so close to him though. I know for him it was literally my human body heat that drew him near. But for me? I just wanted to stay close to him, by his side. He was mine and I was his._

_As we got closer to the club, there were more couples walking down the sidewalks in the same direction. Their arms were linked and they chattered excitedly. The faint hum of jazz music drifted through the air. _

_I glanced over at Envy, only to make awkward eye contact. He was looking at me too. We both instinctively turned our heads away and I started to get a little red in the face. Envy chuckled._

"_You nervous Ed? Ever danced before?"_

_I gave a slightly embarrassed laugh, "Do I look like the kind of guy who dances? One of my legs is made of metal, remember? You know, maybe this was a bad idea. We can always just go-"_

"_No," Envy interrupted my nervous rant sternly, "You said we were going dancing. We're dancing. And we're going to drink too."_

"_Drink?!" I audibly gulped._

"_Yeah. I've always wanted to try it, but never had the chance. Greed always seemed to enjoy drinking and partying," he trailed off a bit and I watched as memories flashed through his eyes, "I wonder if it'll even have any effect on me. I _was_ made differently than all the others…"_

_I placed a hand on his shoulder as we approached the dance club and the music grew deafening, "Well then, we'll just have to see, hmm?"_

_He nodded and we made our way inside._

_The whole room was electrically charged. There were booths and a bar set up along the sides of the huge hall and in the center laid an expanse of wood floor just for dancing. At least 20 couples were out on the floor spinning, wiggling, and laughing. People all around were sipping on drinks and animatedly having conversations._

_There was so much going on and I was hopelessly lost._

_Envy tugged on my elbow, pulling me behind him as he pushed through throngs of people to an empty table on the right hand side of the room. I merely let him drag me along for the ride. When we got to the table, he pulled out a chair and gestured for me to sit with a smirk. Why a smirk? Who knows. I was starting to think that smiling wasn't in Envy's book of facial features._

_I sat down in the chair and looked across the table at him as he took his seat as well. He seemed like he knew what he was doing._

"_Hey Envy? You act like you've done this before. You never struck me as the party type."_

_Envy had his head propped up with one hand while his other hand waved through the air as he spoke, "_I've_ never been to a club before. As other people, sure. Sometimes daddy dearest made me tail people around town. I was the best for the job. When you're sitting alone at a table like this, it's hard not to be pulled onto the dance floor."_

"_Makes sense," I replied._

_We placed an order for some beers and sat quietly waiting. I watched Envy as he watched the people out on the dance floor. His head was still propped on his fist, but I had a good view of his facial features. _

_His amethyst eyes scanned the crowd and looked inquisitively at the people spinning and laughing in the middle of the room. His thin lips were held in a tight line but started to turn downwards as he brought his free hand up to scratch beneath his black headband. His eyes looked far off in another land. Maybe memories? Maybe emotions? He'd never tell me. Maybe a little drinking would do the bastard some good. _

_At that moment, our drinks came and I thanked the waiter, handing him a wad of cenz and telling him to keep the change. I sipped on my beer and wrinkled up my nose. I'd never had any before. It had a weird taste. A couple more gulps though, and the flavor began to feel more normal. My body hummed as the music vibrated around me and the alcohol coursed through me._

_After a bit of random chitchat, we'd both finished our drinks and Envy was dragging me excitedly by the wrist to the dance floor. He was certainly more giddy than usual, but not any less forceful as he pushed through some groups of people to get us near the center of the room. I smiled through my own haze and followed him as close as I could, watching as his long black ponytail swung back and forth as he walked._

_When he finally got us where he wanted to be, he spun around and faced me with his hands on my shoulders. His purple eyes were sparkling in the dimmed lighting and a genuine smile spanned his face, white teeth glistening. He turned my stomach into a tumbling mess._

"_Hey Edo! Hey Edo! Dance with me!" he giggled childishly as he took one of my hands in his and spun me around. The rasps of the saxophones playing jazz music filled the air, changing tunes as we started to dance. _

_The song was relatively fast and I stepped on Envy's toes with my automail quite a few times before I got the hang of the movements. With him being in a relatively good mood from the alcohol, I merely got rapped on the head playfully with his knuckles every time it happened. _

"_Edooo," Envy had whined, "You sure the automail bitch didn't give you a right foot on that left leg of yours?"_

_I told him to shut up and gently slapped his cheek._

_It didn't take too long before we were spinning and twirling just as well as the other couples on the dance floor. My whole body was warm and tingly. I felt happier than I had in a while. No one was questioning the fact that there were two men dancing together in the middle of the floor. We all moved as one, like waves in the ocean, pulsating to the music like one single unit. _

_Both Envy and I were giggling and holding each other close as our feet whisked us around the dance floor. He'd spin and playfully dip me, and then I'd twirl him as well. It almost felt like a dream. All the while, I couldn't help but stare into his violet eyes and think about how truly happy he looked for once. His eyes were smiling. _

_Even in my drunken haze, I knew at that moment that I loved him, everything about the bastard._

_I just wanted to proclaim it to the whole room! I loved Envy! I loved a damn homunculus!_

_After I had a few more drinks, I thought I wasn't going to be able to control my mouth._

_Around midnight, the band playing the jazz music thanked everyone for coming out to hear them and offered one last song. The song was slower than the others, starting out with a soothing saxophone solo and bridging into a steady beat. I grabbed Envy by the hand and pulled him up out of his chair and back onto the dance floor._

_As we turned to face each other, his hands naturally came to rest on my waist and mine went up around his shoulders. I pulled him close as we swayed to the beat. Everyone else around us was a blur as I brought my forehead to rest against his. Envy and I were the only people left in existence._

_I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. His soft puffs of breath smelled faintly of alcohol and his body smelled like alchemy._

"_Envy," I whispered. I didn't think I could be heard over the music._

"_Hmm?" he hummed out in that gravely voice of his. I guess he did hear me. _

"_Are you happy? Are you really happy? You're not gonna leave me, are ya?" I slurred, "I need you bastard…I need you…"_

_Envy chuckled and I could feel his chest rumbling against mine. We were closer than I'd originally thought. With my eyes still shut, I felt his warm breath ghost against my lips before he closed the distance for a kiss. _

_I could have given a shit about the people around us! I hadn't seen anyone I knew that night. No one recognized us. His kiss was like a slow poison as his lips moved against mine. I could feel it working through my body, numbing me down more than I already was. _

_All too soon, he pulled away. I let out a soft sigh and opened my eyes._

_He was surprisingly close to me still and his amethyst eyes twinkled with some weird alchemic reaction, as he looked intently into my own. _

"_I'm happy Ed. I'm not going anywhere. I promise," He whispered just over the music, which was reaching its final flourish._

"_Good," I mumbled as I nuzzled against his neck, "Cause I love ya…"_

_I remember Envy's movement slowing down a little right then as he brought a hand to my chin, pulling me up to look at him in the eyes again._

"_What'd you just say?" he said breathlessly. His eyes were frozen, opened wide in shock._

_I leaned in and whispered in his ear as the saxophone soloist hit his final note._

"_I love you."_

After that, he closed up again. I remember how rigid his spine went at my words and how silent he was as we walked home through the cold together that night. He didn't seem angry. No. He seemed lost in his own head. He was fighting one of his personal battles again and I wasn't allowed inside.

I still can't believe I drunkenly confessed my feelings like that though. Who would've thought I had the balls to do that? It's embarrassing to think back on now. I'm definitely going to be more careful with alcohol in the future!

Envy was awkward for the whole rest of that night, barely said two words to me. But in the morning, he was back to his regular asshole self. He acted like nothing had ever happened the night before. Like it really was all just some crazy dream we had together.

But, as much as Envy acts tough and rigid, I catch him staring off into the distance when he thinks no one's looking. I see those looks that pass through his stormy eyes. He won't tell me what, but he's feeling _something_. I can see it in there and it's fighting to come to the surface. I guess I just have to wait patiently to see what it is.

Until then, I'll just have to love him on my own.

Sincerely,

Ed

* * *

Edward crumpled up the letter that he'd just wrote to his brother into a little ball and frowned down at it in his fist. He pushed his bangs back in frustration before throwing it into the nearby wastebasket and picking up a new sheet of paper.

"Way to go off on a tangent," he mumbled to himself, "back to square one."

He returned the pen to the page and began to write.

_Dear Al…_


	15. Sick

**A/N:** Oh hi there. Long time no see. Sorry I took so long to update! I feel really bad about it! Thank you GoldenShirt1234 for being on my ass all month. XD

I procrastinated a little, and then college and life happened, but it's here guys! Here it is!

Actually, part of my procrastination problem was that I started a Tumblr RP/Ask blog for Envy, based on how I write him in this story. It's been really taking off and eating my attention. But I must learn to balance the two!

_Self promo here_: If you like FMA, Envy, or how I portray Envy in this story, you should come follow me/Envy on Tumblr. **fullmetalenvyx **that be us. I'd love if you guys would talk to me and Envy there, even if it's anonymous!

Anywho, enjoy your update people (finally)!

**~Marionx**

* * *

**Chapter 15: Sick**

December 1st. Fuck.

I grumbled to myself and wiggled deeper under the covers next to the pipsqueak. It was fucking cold outside. It snowed the other day! I hate snow. I hate winter. And the damn cold was seeping through the space around the window. Ugh…but the shorty was my personal space heater.

With a sigh, I got closer to Ed in the bed, wrapping my body around him from behind. He was still fairly deep in sleep and mumbled a little as he pressed back into my body, giving me some much needed heat. He'd come to realize that me begging for body heat was a common occurrence that he just _had_ to give in to. I didn't take no for an answer.

My internal clock was telling me that it was still super early in the morning, but I couldn't believe that it really was December 1st. It was the day that that Alchemy Academy would be opening. How had it crept up so fucking fast? As much as I wanted some change in my life, I still wanted to keep to my lazy ass ways of watching people through windows and reading books.

A pane of glass separating me from the people always made things easier. I liked anonymity, but that day I'd be stepping completely out of the shadows. So you've heard that there's a monster hanging out with Edward Elric? Well guess what? Here I am! In the flesh! The homunculus, Envy, that you've all been longing to brutally murder!

Well, it's not like they could _murder_ me. Let's just hope it doesn't come to getting physical. I don't want to get hurt. Pain sucks major ass.

I lay still, barely breathing, as I watched Ed sleep. He almost looked angelic as the sun began to rise and his side of the bed was slightly illuminated. His blonde hair glistened like fine spun gold thread and spread out around him, free from any bindings. I brought a hand to it gently and brushed some strands away so I could see his face. His lips were slightly parted as soft puffs of breath escaped them. For once, he looked peaceful. Every part of his face was relaxed. I couldn't help but let my lips quirk into a little smile as I brought them down to his forehead, giving him a swift peck.

The shorty really was beautiful, though the fact that I could admit that to myself still freaked me out. And there were plenty of other things that I knew I was feeling inside, but I didn't even want to go there and analyze them. My homunculus nature told me not to.

That was territory I didn't want to enter.

Ed began to stir next to me with a soft yawn and I edged a little bit away from his body. He rolled onto his back and scratched at his stomach from under his shirt, eyes still tightly shut against the rising sun.

"Mmmm," he mumbled, "gotta teach today…"

I propped my head up with one hand and brushed some unruly black hair from my face. "Yep."

Ed brought his hands to his face and rubbed the sleep from his eyes with another yawn. He finally opened his eyes and peered blearily up at me as I loomed next to him. "Ugh…what time is it?"

I turned to look out the window at the sun, judging the time based on its position in the sky. I'm old as dirt, so I can do shit like that.

"Looks like close to 7am."

The pipsqueak shot up in bed like something just bit his ass and I nearly fell out of the bed from the scare it gave me. I sat up too and gave him a rough smack on the back.

"Fuck you Edo! What the hell?!"

He turned to me swiftly and grabbed my shoulders.

"We're supposed to be _at_ the Academy at 7am Envy."

We stared at each other as silence resounded through the bedroom, before I replied.

"Well shit."

* * *

That morning, we ran around the apartment like crazy people, trying to round up all the materials for the day and get ourselves ready. Our shower consisted of rapidly scrubbing and bumping into each other from lack of space. A couple of unfriendly blows may or may not have been exchanged in there. Also, I might have pinched Ed's ass a few times. Who can blame me?

Ed had insisted that I try to look "less terrifying than usual", so I pulled my wet hair back into a ponytail, that way it'd be less pokey. I kinda agreed with him though. My hair is always the first thing that gives my identity away to people. Didn't really want any Colonel Mustangs after me that day, thank you.

When I came out of the bedroom, finally dressed, I found Edward in the kitchen frying up some eggs and toast. The second the stench of the food hit my nose though, my stomach churned painfully. Surprised by the feeling, I placed a hand over my midsection and took a step backwards into the hallway. I knew what hunger felt like, sure, but that wasn't hunger. What the fuck was that?!

"Envy!" Ed called from around the corner, "I made enough breakfast for the both of us! And we have just enough time to sit down and eat!"

Ugh. My belly gurgled again at the mention of breakfast. If you looked at my face, it was probably as green as my real skin. I just wanted to crawl away somewhere, curl up in a ball, and rock back and forth until the pain went away. Where was the fucking pain coming from anyways?! I had no visible injuries, and yet my body was shaking and a cold sweat was beginning to break out over my brow.

But I couldn't show any vulnerability. I'm a homunculus. I can act as human as I want to, but I will always be the superior.

Very carefully, I edged around the corner and into the dining space that was attached to the kitchen. I didn't have to breathe, and I forced myself not to, but it still didn't quell the tumbling in my stomach. I tried hard not to shake from my efforts, but I could feel my fingers absentmindedly twitching.

"Hey! There you are," Ed spoke as I entered the room, "You want anything before we go out? It's gonna be a long day."

I was sure I felt my eye twitching, as I silently shook my head no.

I slunk through the kitchen and into the sitting room, rigidly taking a seat on the couch. Once I was away from the food, the strange pains in my stomach started to go away and I leaned back into the couch cushions, finally able to breathe again.

I was barely there for a minute though, before Ed was bitching at me to get up and swatting my ass out the door. I finished buttoning my black trench coat as he locked everything up behind me and we began our trek down the apartment stairs to the first floor.

Knowing that it was going to be cold as fuck outside, I'd made sure to bundle up tight. All you could see over my emerald green scarf was my grumpy violet eyes peering about. It was too early in the morning, and did I mention it was cold?

Ed opened the front door to the apartment building and a huge blast of icy wind hit me straight in the face.

Oh hell no!

As we started our walk to the Academy, I could hear every last spec of snow crunching under my heavy booted feet. My hatred for the weather and snow fed into some deep-seated sadistic glee I had. I started to imagine that all the snowflakes were bitchy humans and I was squishing them to death with my stomping. All the crunching sounded more and more like bones snapping and screams for mercy as I dismembered their bodies, blood spraying everywhere around me. I felt an evil smirk spread across my face and fought hard to keep back my giggles.

Kill them! Kill them all!

When I started to put my full weight into my stomps, effectively shaking the ground and creating cracks in the pavement, Ed grabbed my forearms and wheeled me around to face him.

The shit-eating grin instantly left my face as I looked at Ed and fell out of my daze. We just stared at each other for a second before he shook his head from side to side in exasperation and continued to walk ahead of me.

"Do I even want to know, Envy?"

I thought about it as I walked a little faster to fall in stride with Ed again. "Nope, probably not," I mumbled through my scarf.

Ed shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and hung his head low as he grumbled to himself.

"…Why'd you have to pick the damn weirdo Ed? You could've had anyone, and you picked this guy…"

I perked up at that and jumped in front of Edward to get in his face. "What'd you just say about me, huh punkass pipsqueak?!" I gave him a deadly look before flicking him playfully on the forehead and turning around, making a break for it. All the humans walking down the sidewalk made way as I dashed towards the Academy building, the short shit hot on my tail, screeching all the way.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A MAN SO TEENY WEENIE THAT HE USES LINT AS A PILLOW AND MAKES FRIENDS WITH THE BUGS!?"

I giggled gleefully as I weaved in and out of people's pathways to avoid the shorty. Naturally, I was faster than him, so I managed to put a good distance between us. I could still hear his shouts in the distance. Picking on my Edo is one of my favorite pastimes, always has been.

Panting from my sprint, I reached the front doors of the Academy and put a gloved hand on the solid wood, hunching over to take a moment to catch my breath. My breaths came out as puffs of white smoke in the cold morning air. I could hear Ed's boots rapidly crunching the snowdrifts as he finally caught up to me, seemingly calmed down as he'd quit screaming.

I held the heavy door open for Ed and briefly placed my hand on his upper back as we walked into the warm interior of the Academy. The second the door shut behind me, I let out a sigh of relief and began to unwind the scarf from around my neck. Too many clothes. I had to get some of them off. Everything was making me itch, as always.

The entryway of the Academy opened up to a large central library, filled to the brim with tables and books on alchemy for studying. The bookshelves went up higher than a normal human could reach and ladders on wheels were scattered here and there amongst the bookshelves. I took a deep breath in and grinned at the scent of all those pages. There were literally books on every expanse of wall. I quickly decided that it was my heaven.

Off of the central library space branched many hallways that lead to the classrooms and offices. Ed took a right and began to walk towards one of those halls, the one that led to the main teacher's meeting room. I walked behind him, but stayed close, watching the way his hair and long red jacket swayed with his strides. As always, he was fucking perfect. He was the Fullmetal Alchemist for crying out loud! Everybody wanted him.

But, no one wanted me. Why was I even there at that damn Academy? To get ridiculed and cornered?

Already I felt myself falling back on my cruel homunculus instincts. If a human even _dared _to condescend to me, they would be eating their words and my fists!

In that little meeting room, all of the teachers had gathered around a long table, much like the first time we'd met. Mustang briefed us all on the expected occurrences of the day, gave us roster sheets, wished us all the best of luck, and sent us on our ways. Not super eventful. I dozed off for a good part of it, honestly, until Edward rudely shoved me awake. Little bastard.

As we reached the door to our classroom, I noticed that there was already some people standing around outside, including that one guy we'd met on the train: Tim Tom Willywhatsit. I don't remember what his fucking name was. Don't judge me!

Well, Mr. Tim Tom instantly recognized us though and started waving his little gloved hands like an idiot.

"Edward! Envy! Hey! I'm in your class!"

God damn. I think I might pop the head off of that annoying little asshole.

"Hey Thomas!" Ed called. So that's his name, ok. "We're glad to have you!"

Thomas looked to me next with a glaringly bright smile. I merely crossed my arms over my chest and snarled a little. He was obviously put off by my actions, as the smile fell from his face and the light left his eyes instantly. I pushed my dangerous aura to its limits, until I could feel the electricity under the surface of my skin. He was trembling. Intimidation has always been my number one quality.

I sneered.

Ed placed a heavy hand on my shoulder as he addressed the little asshole in front of us, "Thomas, don't worry about Envy. He's just having a moment."

I rolled my eyes at Edward dramatically before shoving his hand off of my shoulder and stomping over to the classroom door. I pried at it with one hand and flung it open with a little more force than necessary. It slammed against the wall and shuddered on its hinges, making the students around me jump to attention.

"Alright!" I barked in my gravelly voice, "Everyone get your asses in there!" I waved them into the classroom one by one, fixing each person with an individualized steely glare. Ed was the last to enter the room. He looked at me with a quirked brow and pursed lips. 'Really?' his face read.

I leaned in closer to his face and whispered, "Now Edo, you can't actually be nice to your students. You have to make them fear you! It's the only way they'll ever learn!"

Edward scoffed, "How about I let them fear _you_ and I go about my own business?" He gently shoved me to the side as he entered the classroom. With a deep frown, I followed him in, closing the door behind me.

The classroom was of a medium size. It could house somewhere around fifty people. The desks went up towards the back of the room at a sloping angle, just like the seats in an auditorium. At the front of the room, there was a long table with two chairs and a blank blackboard on the wall. Overall, the walls were all blank, except for one wall that was full of windows that overlooked the busy sector of Central Command. Those windows were refreshing and made the room a little less stuffy.

After I shut the door behind me, I made my way over to the table at the front of the room and pulled out one of the chairs. I plopped my ass down into it and put my elbows on the table to prop up my head. I would've loved to prop my feet up on the table, but I'm sure that would have attracted a beating from a certain short person.

I could hear Ed to my right unpacking his papers, but I wasn't paying any attention to him. Instead, I was perusing the room with shifty eyes, looking at every student and memorizing their ugly little faces. There were quite a few men, which I had expected, but there were also about three women in the room. I couldn't help but feel a bit proud of them for being there. Humans really are fucking weird with their gender norms. Why do women always have to act one way and men act the other? Better yet, where does that put me?

I guess being whatever the hell I want is just another reason why I'm better than those worms.

The last couple of people steadily poured into the room as Ed wrote our names on the blackboard behind me. Once the clock struck 7:30am, we had a full house.

I continued to slouch stubbornly in my chair as Ed walked past me and shut the door. A lot of the students were looking at him in awe. That made me a little jealous, go figure. But, I've learned to keep that shit under control.

No more big green monster rampages. No No.

I noticed a few of the students throwing me nervous and curious glances. Any time I made eye contact with them, they'd quickly look away, but I could definitely feel their eyes burning into me. My lip twitched as I held back the urge to snap.

It was in that awkward moment of silence that Ed decided to start the class.

"Hey everyone!" He hollered out. In my head, I imagined his little pipsqueak voice cracking as he said that. Quietly, I snickered.

"Uh, welcome to the Central Alchemy Academy. I'm Edward Elric-"

"Like they didn't already know that," I interrupted sarcastically.

"-AND _this _is Envy." He said in a louder tone as he pointed a finger in my direction. I merely raised one hand in a half-assed wave before placing it back under my chin and returning to my bored posture.

"I guess we can start out by introducing ourselves. I'm sure you all have lots of questions."

I watched Ed out of the corner of my eye as he waved his hands about animatedly while he spoke. So far he was doing a decent job, I'll admit.

"First of all, please call me Ed or Edward. I'm not an old man. I'm no Mr. Elric. This class should be a little interesting, seeing as neither of your teachers can do alchemy. Well," he paused, "_He _can do alchemy, but not in the sense that you'd think of.

"But yeah, I can't physically perform alchemy anymore, ever since the Promised Day. That doesn't mean I've lost any of my knowledge on the subject though. Let me tell you, there's a lot more to alchemy than the physical aspects. You're going to be doing a lot of mathematics and theory work while you're in here. You sure as hell better be ready!

"Well, I guess I've been doing alchemy for as long as I can remember. I started when I was a kid and I'm 19 now. Umm…My favorite type of alchemy was always transformative alchemy. I liked fixing things and turning things into other objects. I, uh, kinda saved Amestris on the Promised Day. So, I have a lot of combat training as well."

As he finished speaking, he turned and gestured for me to stand up with the wave of a hand. With glare and a grumble, I decided to oblige.

I stood awkwardly at the front of the room and looked at all the little humans in silence. They looked very eager to hear me speak. A couple seemed like they were on the edges of their seats. As I continued to stare around, I saw Ed next to me making ridiculous gestures with his hands.

I guess that meant he wanted me to talk.

"Hi," I grated out through the silence, "I'm Envy, like Ed here said. Some of you people might know who I am, but for those who don't, I'm a homunculus: an artificially created human that's the embodiment of envy. "

There were a couple of soft gasps from around the room as I continued to speak. "I can't really do alchemy, but I know a lot about it because I'm way older than you punks. The way I use alchemy is by changing my body. I can change it into anything I want, organic or inorganic, with no limitations."

I stopped speaking for a moment and peered around the room with a wide smirk, "You never know. You might have met me before, maybe even years ago, but I didn't look like this." I gestured down my body with a sweep of my hands.

Suddenly, a boy in the front row shot his hand in the air. I turned to him with narrowed eyes before I allowed him to speak to me.

"Envy," he said, "So, uh, if you're one of the homunculi that people always talk about, why are you still here?"

I stared at him in incredulity, my mouth hanging slightly agape.

"Did you just ask me why I am still alive?" I could feel one of my eyes twitching a little. I felt borderline dangerous.

"No! No!" The boy spat out quickly while rapidly waving his hands around, as if to dispel the accusation, "Not like that! I meant why are you _here_?" His chubby ass cheeks were lighting up with a telltale blush.

He _totally_ asked why I was still alive. That bastard.

I sighed and tried to calm myself down. I could already see Ed starting to go a little more rigid next to me, expecting me to snap at any moment. "I'm _still here_," I continued, "because Edward and the military spared my life. Because I decided in the end to go to their side. And I'm _here_ because I'm not allowed to leave Ed's side.

"So basically, I'm a prisoner of war that's under 24/7 stability watch. Isn't that comforting?" I sneered at all of the little worms in the room until they squirmed.

Humans: 0 Envy: 1

"Oh god Envy," Edward groaned, "Can't you go one moment without being a complete creep?"

"Nope!" I said cheerfully as I turned to smile at him sarcastically, "This is what you get!"

"Damn it Envy. Just sit down, ok?"

"My pleasure."

I sat in my chair again and propped my head back down in my hands, but not before using one to gesture to Edward, "Go ahead. Start teaching."

Ed began to talk about some shit having to do with alchemic arrays. I tuned him out as I stared absentmindedly around the room.

That's when the smell hit me.

OH FUCK, IT WAS AWFUL!

My stomach began to painfully lurch, just like it had that morning. I brought one of the hands that was under my chin to cover my mouth and nose as I rapidly looked around the room for the source of the stench. I could feel my face turning more and more green by the second and I began to hunch over in my chair. Ed's speech became nothing more than a steady hum.

There. In the front row. THOMAS!

Thomas had some sort of breakfast sandwich with eggs in it!

Eggs.

My stomach lurched violently and I groaned as I gripped the edge of the table hard, practically crushing the wood with my strength. Fuck. It hurt! It huuuurt!

With one final stomach cramp, I shot up from my chair and out the door. I didn't stop when Ed said, "Wait, what?!" I didn't stop when I practically crashed into some unsuspecting kid in the hallway. And I didn't stop when I passed Riza as I rushed into the men's bathroom.

With my hand still gripping my mouth tightly and a cold sweat all over my body, I dashed to the nearest toilet and dropped to my knees, unknowingly cracking a few tiles.

I lurched over the bowl and, with a painful heave, dumped all of my stomach's contents into the clear water. They hit with a sickening splash as I coughed and spat the bile out of my mouth. With one look downwards though, I was hunched over yet again, spilling my fucking guts.

Fuck. Throwing up is the worst kind of pain. I don't want it! I don't want it!

But as much as I willed my body to stop, for once in my long life, it was out of my control. I had my face in that bowl for a good five minutes. I think I might have cried a little. At that moment, I didn't fucking care.

Homunculi don't get sick! They don't!

Then why was my stomach turning against me?!

I coughed and wheezed as my pain started to turn down to a steady ebb of nausea. I was too busy puking before to notice it, but the second I'd calmed down I instantly felt the ominous presence in the room.

It sent a chill down my spine as I leaned back against the bathroom stall panting. What was even more confusing was how _familiar_ it felt! I felt like there were a million eyes on me all at once and my skin prickled from the feeling. But there was no one there! I knew there wasn't!

My stomach lurched again, but for a completely different reason, as a dark chuckle filled the bathroom.

"_Heh heh heh heh heh! Envy, what have you done to yourself?"_

* * *

**A/N:** Did I just make a cliffhanger? Yes, yes I did.

REVIEWS! :D


	16. Fearful

**A/N:** Oh my god! I'm back! Hey guys!

I'm so sorry about not updating for so long. I've been going though a serious case of writers block, after everything that happened in my life recently. This chapter's not the best and it's short, but I hate that I left you guys with the most awful cliffhanger last time. I'm sorry about that too. So I wanted to give you something.

On a personal note, I'm doing well. Me and my other roommate have been coping and are there for each other. We miss Sarah so much, but everything becomes easier by the day. You have no idea how much your concern meant to me during the past 2 months. All of those comments you left for me, and those PM's. You guys, RPing Envy, and writing this story really kept my life bright in a dark time. I just want to hug every last one of you! ^.^

So, I'm going to try to get back on a biweekly update schedule. I'll try my best. If you can't find me on here, you can always find me on tumblr. My url is **fullmetalenvyx**. Send me a message here or there any time. I love talking to everyone!

Well...enjoy chapter 16!

**~MarionX**

_Still don't own FMA. You should know_ that.

* * *

**Chapter 16: Fearful**

"_Heh heh heh heh heh! Envy, what have you done to yourself?"_

The voice echoed off the tiled walls of the bathroom and my spine went stiff. I felt like I wanted to throw up all over again. I knew that voice. I knew that voice!

"_You're so damn pathetic Envy, playing with those humans, lying with that Fullmetal Alchemist. I always thought you were loyal to Father; I never thought you'd have fallen this low. And so _fast_ too."_

I could feel my whole body quaking as I fought off more waves of nausea and the fear that wracked my body from the sound of Pride's voice. He couldn't be alive. He couldn't be! I must be dreaming. Fuck, yeah, that's it. This weird illness must be impairing my brain function.

Despite the crippling fear, I still couldn't help but retort, "I don't know what the hell you're talking about! Fuck off!"

The disembodied voice gave a lilting chuckle, "_You don't know what I'm talking about~? You do. You do know what I'm talking about. And you can't hide from me Envy. I've been watching you."_

The cold sweat was back on my body as I thought back on all the times in Central that I'd felt that prickling feeling down my spine or the feeling of being watched. No one was ever there when I'd turned around. But Pride…it was Pride all along. I should have fucking known! DAMN IT!

But why was the little bastard picking this exact moment to make himself known?

And why hadn't he shown himself? I know for a fact that when he's feeling particularly malicious and wants to intimidate, he always shows his true form. This was definitely one of those moments.

But yet, there was only a disembodied voice: a _weak _disembodied voice.

I gathered my courage as I began to talk back to my brother, "You say you watch me, I know you don't watch me all the time. I can _feel_ when you fucking watch me Pride."

I gripped the wall of the bathroom stall with one hand as I rose to my feet on shaky legs. When I was finally standing on my own, my head swiveled around as I scanned the room, ready to challenge the intruder.

"And where the hell are you? I figured you would have the _pride_ at least to show me your form! Where the fuck are you?!"

Silence echoed back through the room as I stood there bearing sharp, gritted teeth.

"You're weak! You're fucking WEAK aren't you?! You can't show yourself because you physically can't do it! Ha ha!"

I laughed hysterically and ran a hand through my tied back hair, yanking a few thick strands from their bindings. My eyes flashed with rage.

"Show yourself Pride!" I challenged with open arms, "Show yourself! You hate me, you hate my life, fucking kill me then! Kill me!"

More silence resounded throughout the room. Anyone who was standing outside the men's bathroom must have thought I'd completely lost it. They were probably sending some military losers in with a tranquilizer right now. Or better yet, Mustang to burn me to death all over again.

But then there was a weak growl that could barely be heard. Having heightened senses, I picked up on it like a normal voice.

"_I can't show myself…yet…but I will…and I'll keep watching…you…you tell a human…that I'm alive…I _will _kill you…you know I will…you've screwed up…Envy…you've ruined…yourself…"_

As quickly as it came, the presence was gone. Not a single trace of it left, besides the beads to sweat that were dripping down my body.

I exhaled noisily and collapsed back against the wall of the bathroom stall, all of the tension rolling off of my body. I brought a hand to my face a wiped the sweat away, all the while smacking my lips at the horrible taste of bile in my mouth.

Stepping out of the stall, I went to stand before the mirror above the sink, observing my face. My skin was ghostly pale and I brought a hand up to my cheek, gently touching it. I looked like shit. Fucking Pride. Fucking stomach!

I turned the faucet on and caught some water between my bare hands, splashing my face a couple of times. I also put some in my mouth to get the taste of bile off of my tongue.

I should have known it would be Pride, the one homunculus that I was genuinely scared of. Just my luck! I let out a sigh as I looked at my face in the mirror once more. I wouldn't tell anyone that I made contact with him, not even Ed. When Pride makes a threat, he doesn't mess around. I wasn't ready to die, not after everything I'd gained in the last couple of months.

Glaring intensely at my reflection in the mirror, I resolved myself to be strong. I'm Envy. As human as I'd been acting, I would never be as low as those worms. There was nothing wrong with me. There never was. There never would be. All of the sickness that had just ravaged my body was all a fluke.

No one would know.

Ed would never know.

But it was all a hopeless delusion.

* * *

A week had passed since that day that I encountered Pride, the day my life began to fall apart. I acted as normal as I could. I steeled myself in front of Edward. He couldn't see me like that! But as much as I didn't want him to find out, it also bothered me that he didn't seem to take notice of my distress. Nothing seemed to placate me.

And even worse, my stomach continued to grow sour. It was only in the early hours of the day though that it occurred. The illness was the most damn peculiar thing! What was so bad about it was the fact that my body shouldn't be capable of getting sick. I've seen humans getting sick throughout my whole life, but I'd never been given a taste of how it felt first hand.

I wish I'd never been given that fateful opportunity.

Every morning, like clockwork, Ed and I would rise from our bed. The second I opened my eyes, I already felt queasy. Then Ed would make the damn breakfast. Fuck the breakfast. That was the worst part of the morning: fending off the smells and controlling my illness. I never ate and I always held back my nausea. That is, until we got to the Alchemy Academy. It was there that I calmly excused myself to go puke up all my insides in the toilet.

That white porcelain bowl had become a good friend of mine in the past week. I even talked to it from time to time, you know, between bouts of fucking _dieing._

"Fuck you," I moaned weakly at the toilet, "I hate you…"

My face was hung over the edge yet again, hands gripping tightly at the lid as I stared down at the meager contents of my stomach that were floating in the water, taunting me. I spat some bile down at them as viciously as I could.

"Uggh..." I moaned again as my stomach finally began to settle after nearly ten minutes of violent heaving.

I cracked an eye open and look at my pale, clammy fingers. My hands were shaking as I brought them up to my hair, tucking a couple of stray strands behind my ears delicately. I hated it. I hated it so fucking much.

With great effort, I managed to push off the rim of the toilet bowl and rise to my feet again. My legs felt like toothpicks as I stumbled over to the sink, gripping it for support. I risked looking at the state of my face in the mirror again, but didn't like what I saw. I was pale as a sheet of paper; even my lips looked like they came off the pages of a book.

I quickly looked away. I couldn't stand my own face, but it wasn't like I usually could anyways. Always the ugliest _thing_ in the room.

The knob to the faucet turned easily and I cupped some water between my hands, taking some into my mouth and splashing the rest onto my face. The cold shock sent me back to attention. I spat the bile water out of my mouth and down the drain, watching as it spiraled away. After a brief scrub to my hands, I was at the door and ready to face the day. Or so I thought.

The second I opened that bathroom door, I knew I was fucked. Quickly, I attempted to compose myself before I came face to face with the person awaiting me outside.

Riza laid a critical eye on me as I softly shut the door behind myself. I gave her a pathetic smirk and a little wave of my hand before beginning my walk back to Ed and my classroom. Didn't make it far though. Her hand reached out and latched onto my forearm, holding me in place and invading my personal bubble.

What is it with humans and their ideas of personal space?

"Envy," Riza said in a flat, unrevealing tone.

"Yes?" I replied, heavy on the sarcasm I love so much.

But inside, I was not so relaxed. In fact, my stomach was doing flips for a completely different reason than before.

She can't know. She_ doesn't _know.

"What's going on with you?" her voice softened as she spoke again. But, as soft as it got, it still grated on my nerves.

"Nothing," I spat out quickly. My eyes shifted nervously in the direction of the bathroom that has recently become my new home. I hoped she didn't notice.

"I've been watching you. Every morning."

Fuck woman! You're not the only one, apparently!

Crossing my arms across my chest, I rolled my eyes. "And what of it?" My stomach continued to tumble and fall. It felt like there was a rock in my gut. Hell, I better not have to run back into that fucking bathroom again! My toes curled in my boots unconsciously.

"I _hear _you every morning," she shot me a serious look, "Envy, what's wrong with you? What's happening?"

What's happening?

_What's happening?!_

I'm fucking dieing! I'm turning into damn human trash! I just know it!

Stubborn by nature, I continued to hold my ground. "Nothing," I spat with a voice of steel. But, I could feel my eyes speaking differently, betraying me.

"Envy, stop it! Every morning I watch you run into that men's bathroom like your life depends on it! Then, I hear you heaving, and heaving, _and heaving_ your stomach up! You can't tell me it's nothing!" Her hand gripped me tighter, "Your face says it's something! Talk to me, please!"

I shut my eyes tightly at the pain of that moment, drawing in a sharp breath. It was something. I knew it was, but I didn't have the balls to admit that I was worried out of my mind.

It was driving me crazy!

What would it hurt to tell Riza? It's not like she'd betrayed me before. She'd always been on my side. As much as it made me ashamed, maybe it would take the help of a _human_ to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.

"...Ok," I finally conceded, "but can we go sit somewhere? I still don't feel so great."

"Sure," Riza answered with a curt nod. She kept her hand on my arm, but loosened the grip, leading me into the front library area of the Academy. The second we entered that massive room, the sharp scent of the books instantly quelled my ever-lurching gut. That library really was a sanctuary for me.

I plopped my ass down on a soft, cushioned chair in the back corner of the room, next to the window that overlooked the street. Looking outside, I saw people teeming on the sidewalks in their military blues, all braving the heavy snowfall. They were all so carefree. The sound of Riza sitting down across from me broke me out of my trance. I looked back in her direction. She was leaning forward slightly, hands threaded together under her chin.

"Alright, talk Envy."

With a gulp and a quick dart of my eyes around the room, I nervously began my confession.

"It's been...I don't know, a week or so now. Since the day this place opened actually. I, uh..." I paused.

How do I describe this shit?

Riza urged me on with the wave of a hand.

A deep breath had me speaking again. "It's like...it's like my stomach is turning against me. And then, everything inside of me comes right out." I made a sad mimicry of the act of puking. It seemed like a much more comical thing than it really was.

"That's called throwing up."

"NO SHIT!"

Riza pointed a warning finger in my direction, eyebrow raised. I rolled my eyes with a huff. Damn women are always so caught up on fucking bad language. They can kiss my ass!

"Throwing up is a warning sign of illness," she continued.

"Well, homunculi don't get sick. The end."

I didn't bother to mention that that's the exact reason I'd been so worried.

Riza sighed, "But Envy, you've been throwing up for days. You have to admit it. It's abnormal."

With her last statement, I finally snapped. I don't know what set it off, but it happened and I came raging with full force.

I threw my hands in the air and cried out, "Abnormal?! Of course it's fucking abnormal! I'm spilling my guts every morning and I can't control it! I always control my damn body! ALWAYS!" I gestured violently down at my torso, eyes on fire with fear.

Riza's eyes went wide at my outburst, but when she spoke again I could feel my own eyes grow even wider.

"Have you tried to transform lately?"

...Transformed?

It'd been months, _months_ since I'd last transformed my body. I'd been so caught up in the life of a human and being with Ed that I'd almost forgotten what made me, me!

I'm Envy, the ultimate being! The shapeshifting homunculus! Your worst nightmare!

But what happened next nearly made me break out in tears.

I focused on my center, feeling the deep, warm pulse of the philosopher's stone within me. The souls of Xerxes cried out, knowing they had my undivided attention.

_'OH! Kill me!'_

_'No! Don't look at me! Don't look!'_

_'Mommy! DADDY!'_

_'Kill me! Kill me, please!'_

Fucking worms.

Starting with my feet, I waited for the spark of red alchemic energy that would engulf my form. I waited to become someone else. I waited.

I waited.

...

Nothing.

I leapt from my chair to the nearest trashcan and started to heave up the last of the bile from my stomach.

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**A/N: **I already have the next chapter or two plotted out, so I'll update in about 2 weeks. Just have to write it out. :)


	17. Denial

**A/N:** I'm so sorry about the wait on this! I've been extremely busy with college and having a serious case of writers block. I revised the plot of this chapter a little and then it seemed to come to me quicker. Thank goodness!

I know i've said that I'll update biweekly, but I just don't think that's possible for me right now. So, I'm going to update whenever I can. I'll never abandon this story, but as I've said before, I don't want to make it a chore to write.

The end of this chapter marks the beginning of content that might make people uncomfortable. I won't be offended if you decide not to continue reading, but I assume since you've come this far you've seen it coming.

Anywho, enjoy the next chapter of _Shades of Envy_ you guys! I'm so excited to be moving this plot along!

**~ MarionX**

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**Chapter 17: Denial**

I could feel Hawkeye's hand rubbing circles on my back as I hunched over the small wastebasket in the library, heaving. For being a woman that came off hard as granite, she really could be gentle. At any other time, I might have appreciated it, but right then, no amount of coddling could've set me upright again.

"What the fuuuuck…" I groaned. I could feel my whole body quivering from the force I'd put into my vomiting all morning long. Every time I thought I was done these days, it would just come right back up and bite me in the ass.

How could I have missed that _very _crucial change happening to my body? I know my body more than any human could know their own! Where did it go?! I could feel the warm glow of the philosopher's stone within my gut. It was there, which was relieving. Upon closer internal inspection though, it almost felt like I had no control over it, like it was allotting its power to other places and out of my beck and call.

"Envy," Hawkeye said sternly as I began to sit up again, but still very green in the face. "I know you won't like it, but I think we should take you to see someone. I know exactly where we should go actually."

"And where would that be?!" I snapped with malice, "Who the hell is left in this shitty country that understands the body of a homunculus? Do tell!"

She placed a hand on her knee to bolster herself as she rose to stand, hovering over me. The position we were in right then caused a lot of negative feelings to course through me, especially fear. I stood up quickly myself, standing at the same height as the sniper. When were were eye to eye, the feelings went away.

"He's in this Academy."

In the Academy? Who the-

No.

NO.

"NO!" I put my hands on my hips and dug my heels into the ground defiantly. My eyes were definitely blazing with murderous hatred. There was no way in HELL she was taking me to see _that man_. He'd lay me out and pinpoint all my weaknesses; apparently he knew too many of them already. He'd practically killed me! And now I was expected to play nice with the old asshole?!

"Envy-"

"-NO!"

"-think about it-"

"-NOOO!" I was roaring with anger.

"ENVY!" Hawkeye finally yelled directly in my face, getting dangerously close to me. I kinda just wanted to lean forward a few inches and take a bite of her nose. Little bitch! But as much as I resented her for it, she definitely shut me up quick. It was a miracle that half the school hadn't come out to see who was yelling yet.

"Think about it! I don't care that you hate him! For all I know, he probably still hates you too, seeing as much of an _asshole_ you've been up until now! But he is _the only one_! The only one who can help you and you KNOW it!" She roughly grabbed my forearm again and started dragging me down another hall. The damn woman just loved to drag me around like a ragdoll, huh?! I spitefully dug my heels into the carpet harder with my full weight. It started to rip up from its underpinnings and wrinkle around my feet.

Hawkeye whipped around to see why I wasn't moving, took one look at my feet, and threw her hands up in the air with a groan. Did I see those eyes roll, hmm woman?

"Great! And now you're going to act like a baby!" She jabbed a finger down at the freshly laid carpet, "You're ruining the carpet!"

I shrugged.

"UGH!" Hawkeye brought her right hand up to slap her own forehead, "I'm just trying to help you! Do you _want_ to know why you can't transform? I'd think that would be on the top of your priority list right now."

True. Very true.

Instead of agreeing that she was right and admitting my defeat, I just removed my heels from the carpet, stomped it flat again, and trudged towards that hallway with a purpose. One of those little human worms was hanging about in the hallway by a drinking fountain, but when he saw me storming towards him, he slipped into the nearest room and hid.

I exuded evil, and anger, and everything that was a homunculus. I saturated the hallway with it, filling every crack and crevice. Hawkeye had to jog to catch up with me.

My blind fury led me straight to the door of Dr. Marcoh. I stared at the frosted glass inset in the door and frowned, frozen. Hawkeye reached around my body and rapped on the wooden door. The sound echoed down the hallway deafeningly. It rattled me inside too. Who knew what lay ahead for me behind that menacing door of my enemy? I would have made a break for it, if it wasn't for Riza's body pinning me in from behind. Seemed like I had no choice but to face him.

I could hear the soft clop of boots against the wooden floorboards as that bastard approached the door on the other side. His silhouette appeared in the frosted glass window and I held my breath as the brass doorknob slowly turned. When he first opened the door, he seemed friendly enough.

"Hello? How can I help you?" He chimed in that grumbly old voice of his.

But then he got a face full of me standing a couple of feet in front of him. His light smile instantly dropped into a noticeable frown. He didn't even try to hide his displeasure at my presence.

"Uh," Dr. Marcoh stuttered, "Is there something you need?" His voice held a cold, sharp quality to it. Like he was trying to murder me with his tone alone. Probably would have made his day a lot better, but I wasn't about to cave that quickly. Especially with Riza practically pressed up behind me. I felt her peek her head over my shoulder. We were nearly the same height.

"Dr. Marcoh, sir," she stated, "We need to see you about...a problem."

The old bastard's scarred face seemed a bit lighter again as he caught sight of Riza standing behind me. Maybe he thought that her being there would serve as a barrier between us. But the dumb ass was forgetting, I could take both of them down with the snap of my fingers.

"Ah, Lieutenant Hawkeye. What seems to be the matter?" He spoke around my body, trying to ignore that fact that I stood before him. I crossed my arms over my chest indignantly with a frown. My stomach still churned dangerously beneath them with an audible gurgle. I could feel my face go red as Riza glanced directly at me before looking back towards the ugly old man in front of us.

Damn stomach.

"Well sir," she paused, "It's about Envy here. He's been struck by some sort of illness and has been stubbornly hiding it for over a week. Since you're the leading authority on the philosopher's stone and a doctor yourself, I was wondering if you could possibly examine him."

Marcoh finally met my eyes again. I smirked back and shot him a saccharine, yet dirty look. He grimaced.

"And does Envy _want_ to be examined?"

I cocked my hip to the side before speaking, "No. No I don't. I don't want anything to do with you_ bastard-_"

"-_BUT_," the blonde bitch behind me cut me off, "_I _want him examined. I don't care what the idiot says or does, you need to take a look at him. He's lost his powers Dr. Marcoh. He can't transform."

At that, the old man's eyes grew a bit larger, breaking their regular squint. I wriggled a little under their scrutiny and my own discomfort with the reminder that my body was no longer acting at my will. I wished I could just shove it to the back of my mind and forget it was even happening, like that could cure me. Unfortunately, I've never had that kind of luck.

"...Interesting," Dr. Marcoh drawled out. I could feel the frown on my lips growing even deeper. Of course I'd just be another intriguing, inhuman experiment for the old fart to look at. Anger began to bubble up in my chest; no one looks down on me, Envy, like that!

But, instead of stirring me up even more with his fucking disgusting face, Dr. Marcoh turned his back to us and started to walk into his classroom. He waved his hand, beckoning us to enter.

"Very well then. Come in."

Riza gave me a little shove from behind at my hesitance and I stumbled forward a bit before continuing to step lightly between the desks in the room. It was a familiar room, looked just like the one that Ed and I had been teaching in every day. The wall of windows showed the dreary weather outside: dark clouds that were threatening to release their snow yet again. The only difference between the two classrooms was the door in the back corner of the room. The door we were headed right towards.

Probably my personal torture chamber. Probably where I was gonna go to _die_!

My hands balled up in fists at my sides as the old man opened that door and flipped on the light. Once the three of us had stepped inside, I could see that the room was just a plain old human infirmary. Another door was on the opposite wall that led back out to the hallway. There was a small cot on one side of the room, a sink, and various other supplies that humans use to do their poking and prodding. Marcoh waved his hand in the direction of the cot, indicating that he wanted me to go sit down. I obliged, just because I wanted to get the shit over with. Purposefully, I didn't redistribute my weight as I sat down. The metal legs of the cot creaked and groaned under me as I smirked, arms ever crossed over my chest. Riza sat down in a chair in the corner of the room, shooting me a fierce warning look. Her hand lingered on the gun at her hip and she cocked an eyebrow.

Very quickly, I clasped my hands in my lap and smiled sweetly back at her. I'm such a nice, little homunculus! Yes I am!

Marcoh, on the other hand, was busying himself with putting on some gloves. He grabbed some weird human equipment before coming over to the side of my cot.

"So, uh Envy, what's happening with your human form?"

I cocked an eyebrow and stared silently at the hideous old man, refusing to speak.

"_Envy_," Riza chastised from across the room. I glanced at her and let out a long sigh of defeat. I could never beat that woman.

I ran a hand through my hair, pulling some strands loose, before I started to talk.

"Well _Doctor_," I began with an acidic tone, "I keep throwing up, it happens every day, in the mornings. Everything I smell makes me sick, especially eggs for some damn reason. I can't stop it. It just happens. I've never been 'sick' in my entire existence. Homunculi don't get _sick_. That's what we're both worried about. And to top it all off, I can't transform my body anymore. Got a clue about what the fuck is wrong with me?"

The old man grimaced visibly and his eyes trailed down to my stomach. I brought my hands in closer to my body, as if I was shielding myself from his eyes. Marcoh turned his back to me and released a drawn out sigh, bringing his own hand up to scratch at his head. The whole situation made me incredibly nervous. The air was tense.

"...I do have an idea Envy," he grumbled, "But...it's unscientific...I think. And you're not going to like it."

"I'm a miracle of alchemy, Marcoh. Not very scientific to begin with. Try me."

He opened his mouth, but then hesitated. When he finally spoke, it wasn't the words I'd wanted to hear.

"First...I want to ask some more questions, to try to understand your body more."

I sighed in frustration, but waved my hand so he'd continue.

"Just _how _human in resemblance is your form?"

I shrugged, "As human as it can get I guess. All the organs. Bodily functions. A heart. I'm essentially like you worms right now, minus the fact that I'm innately better."

The old man rolled his eyes at me before continuing. "And um...sorry if this offends you...but are you a man or a woman?"

"A man."

"...so you have-"

"-I have a dick between my legs, if that's what you're asking."

Marcoh glanced at Riza in the corner of the room, his face becoming a shade pinker. I looked at her too, but what I saw on her face wasn't a look of embarrassment, but a look that said she know something I didn't. I frowned and squinted my eyes skeptically at her before turning back to the old fart's incessant questions.

"Ok," he continued, "but you have the ability to physically change between being a man and a woman, yes?"

I rolled my eyes at him and waved my hands around as I talked, "Of course I do! I'm the shapeshifting homunculus!"

"And do you partake in being a woman often?"

"Mmm," I brought a hand up to my chin in thought, "Not often, but yeah. I do."

The room went deafeningly silent for a moment and I fidgeted on my cot. Marcoh and Riza were exchanging a meaningful look that I didn't understand and it was pissing me off.

But the old man's next question caught me completely off guard.

"Envy...are you in a sexual relationship with a human?"

My jaw dropped and my face instantly flushed pink, visions of Edward lying naked beneath be dancing in my mind, moaning as I rammed myself into him. How did he-? When did he-?

_How did he know?! _

_"_N-no!" I sputtered. I didn't do a very good job of being convincing, as flustered as I was.

"Your face seems to say different. I need to know Envy."

My mouth continued to hang open in shock as I looked rapidly between the two humans in the room. My stomach clenched, but this time from the nerves. Edward said not to tell! Ed said what we did wasn't accepted by society! I couldn't! _I couldn't_!

"Envy," Riza spoke calmly, despite all the tension in the room, "It's ok. You can tell us. We won't judge you or whoever else you're with. We promise. Just tell Dr. Marcoh what you've done."

I brought my hands to the bottom of my shirt and clenched them there, my eyes shutting tightly, lips pursed. I guess I would do it. I guess I didn't have a choice. Keeping my head hung low and my eyes clenched shut, I finally uttered the truth.

"I-I...I've been having sex with Edward Elric...for many months now..."

In the moments of euphoria that we spent together, it felt like I'd wanted to scream it to the world. Edward was mine! _Mine_! But right then, I was embarrassed to hear the words leave my own lips.

Riza made this little humming noise and I heard her whisper to Dr. Marcoh, "I thought so." Had we really been that obvious?! I mean, we spent every waking moment with each other, but that could just be chalked up to my status as permanent prisoner of war! Why was this happening to me!? Everything had been so perfect and happy before!

Marcoh cleared his throat before speaking again, "Ahem! Well then, when you have um, _intercourse_ with Fullmetal, are you ever a woman?"

"...once..."

"Once?"

I nodded weakly.

I wanted to say that I didn't know where this was all going, but I had an inkling that I did. Lust used to talk about this kind of thing all the time. About how she was so glad it could never happen to her. I still didn't want to believe it, or even think about it. I didn't want to hear that word. It couldn't happen to her and it couldn't happen to me. It wasn't possible.

But my greatest fears were answered as I felt the old man place a stick-like object in the palm of my hand. I didn't even have to look down to know what it was. My hands shook in apprehension and a cold sweat broke out all over my body. I followed his instructions and walked down the hall to the men's bathroom, my head hung low the whole time.

It wasn't possible.

I stepped into the nearest stall and pulled out my dick, numbly going through the motions of pissing on the damn stick. No...it couldn't. It couldn't happen.

With my eyes shut tightly, I tucked myself back into my tight pants and waited. I pressed my back against the wall of the stall and tilted my chin up, daring to crack an eye open and stare distantly at the ceiling. Everything seemed like a dream right then. The world was spinning around me as I audibly gulped and glanced down at the infernal object in my hands.

Two red lines.

No.

I rubbed my eyes and looked at it again.

Two red lines.

It wasn't possible.

I stumbled numbly from the stall and back to the infirmary, not even stopping to wash my hands.

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**A/N: ** P.S. I like reviews :D


	18. Hate

**A/N: **Sorry about the delay guys! I don't have any excuse really, but I do have two reasons why:

1\. I'm a master procrastinator.  
2\. This chapter was hell to write.

That being said, I'm posting some warnings for this chapter.

**WARNINGS: **attempted suicide, attempted abortion, graphic violence

**This chapter has a heavy M rating. If you are uncomfortable with what's listed in the warnings, don't read this chapter. (I'm serious)**

Also, each line break indicates a POV switch between Envy and Ed. The order written is Envy, Ed, Envy, Ed.

**~MarionX**

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**Chapter 18: Hate**

As I walked back to the infirmary, I'd never felt more numb in the two centuries that I'd lived. Sure, I had issues with depression a lot. I'd get grumpy and moody, spill some blood and be content with myself again. I mean, if I couldn't spill my own blood, someone else's would have to do. I'd even attempted to off myself five times or so, including that time down in the tunnels under Central. But never, _never_ had I felt like this.

I couldn't feel any part of my body while I walked. It was surreal. My boots were making heavy echoes down the hall with each step, but my mind couldn't process more than the steady, repetitive noise.

Stomp.

Stomp.

When I reached the door again, I hesitated with my hand reached out over the brass knob. My eyes sluggishly made their way down to my hand and I watched as it trembled, pale as a sheet. I tried to move my fingers, but little more happened than a slight twitch of muscle. My mind was disconnected from my body.

Oddly, I had no second thoughts about that.

But then the door before me opened and the old man was there. Who was he again? My mind was blank.

Oh right. Marcoh.

I didn't make eye contact with him, always looking in the area between his nose and his chin, but I could feel him looking at my eyes. His stare made my skin feel like it was burning and I brought an arm across my body to nervously grasp my other forearm. Riza was staring too from that damn chair in the corner. It was like they were waiting for me to say something, but my lips wouldn't move. All I could do was take a couple steps further into the room and set the plastic stick down on the counter. The second I laid it down I turned my back to it and shut my eyes.

The quiet shuffle of Marcoh moving to look at that _thing_ reached my ears causing my skin to prickle in apprehension. My stomach hadn't stopped churning all morning long, but right then it was quaking for a different reason altogether. I stuck my tongue out to lick at my lips. They were feeling unbearably cold and dry.

Marcoh's voice rumbled behind me, but none of the words registered in my mind. My eyes were focused on a spot on the floor near Riza's feet. When she waved her hand in front of my face, I snapped out of my stunned state. I hadn't even noticed her move to stand in front of me.

The room was starting to feel a little bit suffocating.

"Envy!" Riza called out to me, "Hey! Are you ok?" She placed a hand gently on my right shoulder and I flinched, finally looking up to meet her gaze.

"….."

My mouth opened but nothing came out.

"…Did…did you hear what Dr. Marcoh said Envy?" Riza's eyes had a strange glint to them. She almost looked scared to be so close to me in that moment. Marcoh came into my field of view, standing next to Riza with that plastic stick in his hand.

That _damn_ thing again!

"Envy," He grumbled, this time not meeting my eyes. Instead he looked down at my feet. "Envy you're…"

Silence resounded through the room as he hesitated with his words. I could almost hear the snow falling outside.

"….you're pregnant."

There it was.

My whole body tensed up, every muscle flexing dangerously, and suddenly my voice and movement returned. I was furious.

"NO." My reply to his shaky statement made Riza visibly flinch. I could see it out of the corner of my eye.

"But Envy you-"

"NO!" I roared at the top of my lungs, "IT CAN'T BE TRUE! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE YOU FUCKING OLD BASTARD! YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU DON'T KNOW!"

Red sparks started to fly off of my body and Riza stepped back until her back touched the wall, her hand coming down to finger the gun on her belt.

"N-now Envy," the old man brought his hands up in front of himself in defense, "Think about it rationally. You were a woman when this happened. H-how is it impossible?"

"RATIONALLY? YOU WANNA TALK RATIONALLY?!" I spat with venom. Marcoh began to back away towards the counter. "I'M A FUCKING HOMUNCULUS! I'M ABOVE YOU PIECES OF SHIT! I DON'T _CONCEIVE _HUMAN FILTH!"

As fearful as the doctor looked, he continued to stand his ground. "_Think_ Envy! Were you ever told that it was impossible?! Did your Father tell you that?! This pregnancy test says otherwise! _How_ do you know?!"

The screaming match in the infirmary came to a shuddering halt. The only sounds in the room were my labored, animalistic breaths. I stayed frozen in place, hackles raised and ready to pounce at anything that moved as my mind raced, memories flying by at an unthinkable speed.

Had I ever been told, the old man asked….

_Had_ I ever been told? Was it a concrete fact that Father laid out for our kind? Or was it just some pathetic delusion that I'd fed myself my whole life in an attempt to stay a step above the humans?

I couldn't….I couldn't remember.

Father never said. Father never said it was impossible.

It was possible. _It was happening._

My fists unclenched and my body suddenly felt weak. I stumbled backwards until my back hit the wall near the door. My hands came up to grip my head as it hung down, stray black hairs hanging around me.

"…N-No…" I mumbled.

I was finally coming to terms with the idea of what was happening. It was _really_ happening. But that all came to a screeching halt with the next words to fall from Marcoh's mouth.

"We need to tell Edward."

Edward….

He did this to me….

He…THAT FUCKING BASTARD DID THIS TO ME!

"NOO!" I came to life with renewed fury. The sparks ran down my body again. I could feel my eyes begin to change their colors, one turning black and the other gaining multiple irises. But I didn't give a shit.

"We need to tell him! We need to talk to him about this! It would be dangerous for you to hide it Envy! There's so much unknown territory-"

"NO!" I bellowed. My voice had taken on its monstrous quality and my whole body was twitching, trying to keep the beast locked inside. The room was cold as ice, the air completely still. It was stifling.

"YOU WILL NOT TELL THE SHORT SHIT! YOU WON'T DO IT! I'LL KILL YOU!"

I heard a click and everyone in the room held their breath. Riza had stepped forward, her gun pointed directly at my head. Her face was steeled as her eyes met mine, completely unflinching. It was a face I'd seen her wear before in the tunnels under Central. It was a determined face that showed no fear, but behind the mask I could still see some unnamable emotion lingering.

"Stop."

She took a step closer to me. I took a step closer to the door. My emotions were overflowing.

"Envy," her voice was so smooth it almost sounded like a purr, "We're going to tell him."

I snapped.

I didn't know what to feel. One part of me was furious! I wanted to rip everyone in the room to shreds and bathe in their blood! And _then_! Then I'd go hunt down the short shit and rip him apart with my teeth! Taste his blood and know I'd won! But another part of me was terrified. I had a gun pointed at my head again, a feeling that I didn't like to relive. Images of the Promised Day danced through my mind, tormenting me, making me feel weak. My life was falling apart again. I couldn't transform and I had a parasite eating away at my insides. Eating away at my life. The future was dark, nothing but shadows.

My whole body was twitching spastically, my skin prickling with sweat. My face rapidly flipped between emotions: one second in a rage and the next with darting eyes and panting breaths.

When Riza took another step closer, my body acted on it's own.

In a split second I was out of the infirmary and racing down the halls. Before anyone even had the time to react, I was running away through the snow outside, black clothed frame fading away into white.

* * *

I was in the middle of lecturing on the importance of maintaining geometric shape in transmutation circle drawing when Riza and Dr. Marcoh came into the lecture hall. My hand paused in it's writing as I looked over at them. The instant I saw their faces I knew something was wrong. Something big was happening.

They didn't even have to tell me to excuse myself. I stopped my lecture, told the students to read a chapter from the book I'd assigned them, and stepped out into the hall. Riza and Dr. Marcoh were oddly silent, like they were holding something back from me. I bit my lip as my nerves got the better of me.

Where was Envy anyways? He'd been gone for longer than usual.

"Uh," I shuffled my feet nervously, "What's going on guys? What's up with those faces?" I laughed a little, attempting to lighten the mood. My right hand came up to scratch behind my head.

"Edward. We need to…ah…" Dr. Marcoh started, but cut off short. His face twisted in a way that showed discomfort. I was starting to get confused.

"What the hell is going on?" I thought back on Envy's absence, "Where's Envy? Did something happen to Envy?" Despite the way my stomach clenched at the thought, I tried to keep my face emotionless. These people couldn't know that I was in a relationship with another man, even if that man wasn't entirely human.

Riza put her hands in her pockets as she began to talk. "Edward…there's no easy way to say this…" Her eyes darted in many directions.

"S-say what?" I replied, finally showing a little fear in my voice.

"Um…We…We know about you and Envy."

There was a beat of silence before I broke out in a fit of laughter.

"HAHA! What about him? That he's a total pain my ass?"

The other two didn't seem to appreciate my laughing, simply staring at me until I stopped. Something was seriously wrong. My mouth suddenly felt very dry.

"Edward…we know that you and him have been sleeping together."

My stomach clenched in fear. That was it. It was all over. My entire career. My entire reputation! Over!

But I could still cover it up! I could pretend it was a lie! How did they know anyways!?

I laughed again and waved away their accusation with my hand. "No no! You have it all wrong! We're just roommates!"

Marcoh finally broke his silence and shattered my façade in a way I'd never imagined possible.

"Envy's pregnant."

Silence. My mouth hung agape.

"With your child."

I stared stupidly between them. There was no denying from the shocked look on my face that I really had been sleeping with Envy. But pregnant? That was just plain ridiculous! Wasn't it?

My mind thought back on all the time's we'd had sex and suddenly one specific time wouldn't leave the forefront of my mind.

That time in the shower…the second time we'd ever done it.

Envy had been a woman then. I wanted to get a condom. He told me no. He told me homunculi couldn't get pregnant. We did it….

He lied.

I didn't know whether to feel angry or shocked, but I knew for sure that I felt worried. Who knew how the short-tempered bastard reacted to the news?! It was probably catastrophic!

Where was he anyways?

"Where is he? Where's Envy?" My eyes flicked between the two adults standing in front of me. I could tell by the looks on their faces that there was something they still hadn't told me.

"He ran Edward. We told him that we needed to come get you and he ran away. We don't have any idea where he went."

_That _news wasn't shocking. I pretty much expected a reaction like that from the homunculus. It was honestly surprising that he hadn't demolished any parts of the school in his wake. But where would he have gone? Did he go home to the apartment? Where? My mind raced as I thought of places to check. It's so damn sappy to say, but my heart was aching, worrying about Envy. I just wanted to be with him. I had to find him.

I knew then that I wouldn't be finishing my classes for the day. Mustang could bite my ass for all I cared. I had to go.

Marcoh offered to stay at the Academy and finish up my classes for me and I accepted. A mere 5 minutes later, Riza and I were making our way down the snow covered sidewalks of Central. Snow continued to fall all around us and masked everything in white. The color gave the illusion of peace, but I knew a dangerous fire was just getting started.

My mind still hadn't wrapped itself around the reason _why_ we were searching for Envy. It was hard to think it ever would. But I had to find him. I had to find him.

"Envy!"

* * *

"_Envy."_

That voice chilled me to the bone the second I heard it. It always would.

I didn't know how I made it to where I stood. The last fifteen minutes of endless running were a complete blur in my mind. I know I ran through the snow for a while and then my boots were slamming down a long hallway, footsteps echoing deafeningly off the walls.

And then I was here.

My body took me all the way to Father's demolished room, like some sort of fucking sick homing device.

As much of a home as it was to me, being there again didn't make me feel any better about myself. I was doubled over panting, my body still convulsing with emotions. I couldn't remember a time that running had made me so exhausted. Homunculi don't get exhausted.

But was I? Was I even a homunculus anymore?

I was starting to seriously doubt that fact.

All thoughts of personal escape were shot to hell the second I heard his voice. Of course he would be here. Of course he would find me in that specific moment.

"_I told you, didn't I?_" Pride's voice echoed out from the shadows in the rubble. I spun in a circle, desperately trying to find his source. Suddenly I felt the pinprick of eyes on me behind my back. I whipped around and was met with the terrifying sight of a tendril of shadow, jagged teeth bared in a sneer, large red eye glistening.

It wasn't as massive as when I'd last physically seen him, but he wasn't able to do that the last time I _heard _him. He'd been too weak.

He was growing stronger.

I sucked in any lingering fear I had and sent my brother the nastiest face I could muster up in my emotional state.

"Pride! What the fuck do you want from me now!?"

"_I just came to check on you Envy. It really is such a shame. I told you that you'd ruined yourself and now you finally know. What do you think about it, falling down to the level of a human? Carrying a child in your gut. I bet it's a human too. Envy the Jealous festering with the life of a human parasite. It's disgusting."_

I visibly winced as Pride brought my attention back to the _thing_ that was apparently inside of my body. I'd tried transforming so many times, but nothing worked. It was hopeless. There was no way to fix myself. I'd fucked up so bad.

One of my hands fluttered unconsciously over my lower stomach before grasping the skin roughly and digging my nails in until I drew my own blood. The tiny lacerations left by my fingers healed sluggishly under my grip. The sparks of red alchemy ignited my flame of rage all over again. I scratched harder and _harder _with both hands, my stomach dripping with blood from my frantic work. Suddenly a sharp pain shot down my spine and I screamed so hard my voice broke.

My hands fell to my sides and I dropped to my knees on the dusty floor. My philosopher's stone continued to stitch together my broken skin until the only evidence left of my fit was the blood caked up under my fingernails.

My teeth ground together as I looked over at Pride. He laughed, the sound echoing throughout the empty room. I roared in a blind fury, ripping my hair down from the tie it was it. It fell around me in the brackish way it always used to, electrified by the sparks of alchemical energy that shot off of my body. I continued to shriek as I ripped the shirt I was wearing clean off my body.

Pride's laughter continued to bounce all around me. It was inescapable.

I brought a fist down quickly into my lower stomach, punching into the area where I knew the parasite would lie. The second I made impact though, another shock of pain traveled up my spine. I threw my head back and howled, my hair a crazy, black halo all around me. Pinpricks of tears started to accumulate behind my eyelids from the pain. Despite it all, I bit into my lower lip until it bled and continued to punch my stomach alternating between fists.

Right.

Screams. Laughter. White-hot pain.

Left.

Rage! Laughter all around me! Pain! Unbelievable pain! PAIN!

I finally doubled over myself, my uncovered shoulders shaking as I hunched over my legs. My hands came down to my sides, still balled tightly in fists, shaking. Everything was shaking.

I couldn't do it. It wouldn't go away. I couldn't fix myself. I couldn't transform. I couldn't. I couldn't…

Suddenly, all I could think about was the pulse of the philosopher's stone in the back of my throat. It was my one and only life source and it was just a reach away. I wanted it out. I wanted the _thing_ out. I wanted it all out! I wanted the whole nightmare to be over! NO MORE!

I brought a shaky hand up to my lips and tried to push between them to get inside and to the ruby red jewel I knew was hiding there, but my teeth wouldn't part. I couldn't get my fingers between them to end my life. It was like my body was acting on it's own. The philosopher's stone was completely out of my control.

Barely thinking, I homed in on the other source of escape in my presence.

"Kill me."

Pride's endless laughter came to a halt at my words. They were barely above a whisper, but I knew he'd hear them. He was the ultimate spy to Father after all.

"_Hmmm~?"_ he questioned, that serrated mouth twisting even more.

I exploded.

"KILL ME! KILL ME! DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO! I'VE NEVER BEEN ENOUGH OF A HOMUNCULUS FOR YOU PRIDE! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE! SLAUGHTER ME! DO IT! KILL ME! KILL ME!"

I threw my head backwards and pushed my chest forwards, completely exposing my center to an attack. My entire body felt numb. I didn't even think I'd feel the tendrils of shadow shoot through me. I couldn't feel anything. I was desperate for death.

But instead of obliging my last wish, like I expected he would, Pride just began laughing again with renewed vigor.

"_Envy! Do you seriously think that I'd consider killing you? When you're in a state like that? Hah ha haha! You're a disgrace of a homunculus! You deserve to suffer in your human filth and lay with Father's disgusting sacrifice! The thought of you getting any easy escape makes me sick! You've always had it so easy Envy! I won't let you go this time! I will kill you, but not yet. Not when I have this perfect opportunity to watch you suffer and get what you deserve!"_

I gasped at Pride's words, beginning to hyperventilate.

"_No, I'm going to let you keep that human baby inside of you. I'm going to let it fester and grow. I'm going to watch you the whole while. I'm going to laugh as you live your pathetic human life! You've lost the privilege of calling yourself a homunculus Envy! I'm the only true homunculus! You're nothing but useless tool, so envious of humans that he finally got his wish."_

The giant red eye in the shadows narrowed as it began to fade away.

"_I'm leaving now, you worthless thing. But remember that I'll be watching you."_

It was when that last of the shadows faded away that I started to demolish the room with my bare hands. A blind rage over took my body as I punched through the rubble and screamed my throat raw.

* * *

We'd looked everywhere. I didn't know where else to look. We'd looked in the apartment. We'd looked in the park. We'd looked around Central headquarters.

Nothing.

I don't know what possessed me to check to tunnels under Central. Riza seemed apprehensive about the idea at first, but quickly agreed that we should check every place imaginable. So we began our frantic trek through the dark winding hallways.

I was surprised that Riza hadn't brought up the topic behind our search. I was grateful for that, being not completely sure how I was going to handle the idea of being a fa-…err…_that idea_ when it finally sunk in.

She seemed just as worried about finding Envy as I was, which was also a little surprising to me.

I knew we found him when I heard the screaming.

It was hardly identifiable as Envy's voice, cracking so much as it was belted out. He must have been screaming _hard_ for a long time. As we reached the corner before Father's room, the screaming grew increasingly louder and sounds of rubble being smashed reached my ears. I was a little more apprehensive about entering at that point. But with a gulp and surge of courage, I rounded the corner and came face first with my fate.

The room was a wreck, just like it had been on the Promised Day. We'd all done a number on it back then. But there were a lot more holes in the walls that I remembered and a _lot _more rocks all over the floor. My eyes fell on Envy as he stood shirtless, pounding his fists into a boulder relentlessly. His hair was down and it flew wildly around his body. It was very reminiscent of the old days. Everything about it, including his body language. The only thing throwing me off was the pants and the boots on his feet. The screams though, they made me cringe. They sounded painful.

Envy turned rapidly with the intent of moving to the other side of the room, but then his eyes fell on me. I about pissed my pants when they did too. I could hear Riza's gun cock beside me as she readied for an assault.

Those eyes were eyes I hadn't seen in a long time. His right eye was pure black with a violet iris and the other was filled with many magenta irises. They were all trained on me. A shiver went down my spine as I recognized the emotion within them.

Pure hatred.

Before Riza or I could even respond, Envy had shot across the room and slammed into me, completely knocking me off my feet and pressing me into the dusty floor. I winced as my skull cracked painfully against the stone. Envy sat straddling my hips, pinning me down with his unbearable weight. It hurt so much! I whimpered and begged him to get off of me.

Then came the fists.

He railed into me hard, fist after fist connecting with my jaw and my chest. I gasped in pain as the bruises he left behind began to glisten with blood. I screamed when he broke my nose, blood splattering everywhere around my face and running down his knuckles. He wasn't showing any mercy.

Riza hadn't fired her gun, and I was glad she hadn't. I didn't want her to shoot him, but I wished she would do something!

I was in so much pain from the punches that I didn't notice when the punches became softer and softer. I did notice though when the cracked screams leaving his mouth became nothing more than whimpers. I opened my swollen eyes to look at Envy above me, watching open mouthed as he continued his then light assault.

His eyes were clenched tightly shut and tears streamed down his cheeks in torrents.

"You. Y-you. Y-you….Y-you did this. You did this. You d-did t-this to me-e….I h-hate you. I-I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."

With one final tap of a fist, his hands clenched up in my shirt and he fell down on top of me. The uncomfortable silence was broken by Envy's anguished wail as he bawled into my chest.

All I could do was wrap my arms around his bare shoulders and hold him, praying that everything would be ok.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you understand now why this chapter was so hard for me to write. This should the worst chapter in that sense in the whole story. The final battle will also include themes like these, but not to this degree.

I'm sorry to have given everyone feels. Just writing this made me depressed, but it had to be done.

I promise the next chapter will be happier. I love all of ya'll so much! :) *hugs everyone*


	19. Stress

**Chapter 19: Stress**

I came to in a bed. I couldn't remember how I got there or the specific details of what happened before I got there, but the blankets were warm and soft. I curled up further into them, noticing that I wasn't wearing any clothing except for underwear and socks. The bedding smelled so earthy and heady. It smelled just like my home. Just like…

Edward.

Everything came rushing back to me painfully quick and I gripped my head, moaning in frustration. I remembered hating his guts and wanting to rip him to shreds. I also remembered Pride gloating in my face and verbally kicking me around. I remembered wanting to kill myself, to kill the _thing_. Edward! That littler fucker! He did this to me! He got me-! He made me-!

…Pregnant.

Fuck. It still sounded impossible in my head. I didn't think I would ever let a word like that leave my lips. How could I be…pregnant?! NO! It _had _to be impossible! But even though I kept telling myself I was still in denial, I knew it was true. I could sense the disturbance in the philosopher's stone within me. I bet if I turned my thoughts inward, like that short fucker's father had, the souls themselves would tell me the truth. That idea scared me to death.

But all the signs pointed in the direction of a human worm growing in my gut. I remember Lust once detailing to me the affects of human pregnancy, much to my disgust. I think she did it just to make me sick, wouldn't shut up until I heard her out. But I remember every last traumatizing thing she told me, including the fact that pregnant women experienced illness in the mornings.

Speaking of…

My stomach began to churn and I knew that if I didn't start heading to the bathroom that second, I'd end up spilling my guts all over the polished wood floor. I groaned and rolled my eyes as I furiously kicked the blankets away and slunk out from under the covers. I shuffled my socked feet over to the door, doubled over a bit and clutching my stomach. The apartment was extremely warm. Normally I'd be very pleased with that, if only it didn't make the bile start rising more quickly.

"Shit…shit," I grumbled to myself as I shuffled faster down the hallway. I just barely made it meet my best friend the toilet bowl before it all came gushing out.

Disgusting.

I crouched there, spitting and coughing, for a good 5 minutes before I finally felt ready to stand again. I rose on shaky legs and hacked one last hearty spit into the bowl before flushing all the vomit away. "Screw you," I cursed at the toilet before shuffling over to the sink to wash my hands and clean my mouth. I had the routine down by that point.

Being pretty vain, I couldn't help but chance a glance at my face in the mirror. What I saw there made me scowl.

My eyes were all red and puffy like I'd been crying. Had I fucking cried?! I never cried! Thinking back though, I couldn't fight the memories away. I _had_ cried. I cried for hours. Damn disgusting emotions!

My body went a little numb again as I ghosted a hand over my abdomen, just barely touching my fingers to the surface of my bare skin. Turning to look in the full length mirror that hung on the back of the bathroom door, I could see my whole figure, including the undeniable, but small, bump that rested underneath my hand. _It _was in there. The skin felt tender to my touch and I remembered how I'd attempted to scratch the parasite out with my bare hands. I felt like gagging all over again.

I didn't want to think about what happened in Father's room. It wasn't the first time in my life that I'd gone on a rampage, but I'd completely lost myself in there. All of those emotions were terrifying to think about, so I tried my hardest to lock them away until a later date.

Shrugging away the feelings, I moved to open the bathroom door and head into the living space. I hunched over as I moved, the only audible sound my socked feet shuffling lazily across the floor. The whole place was abnormally silent. Usually that short shithead was up to something loud and annoying. That's all he was good for: being loud and annoying.

I ran a hand through my long, messy hair as I slunk through the kitchen, releasing a dramatically drawn-out sigh as I went. I was heading to my usual spot on the window seat, grumbling angrily to myself all the way, when I felt someone's eyes fall on me from across the room. Scowling I turned my head to look at him, expecting to see the fucker that put me in this situation. The person sitting on the couch was definitely _not _who I expected.

Well, you _could_ say he put me in this situation too, by trying to murder me.

Roy fucking Mustang was just sitting there with his legs crossed, looking haughtily over at me. I fought myself hard, resisting the urge to spit in his direction. Maybe there'd be some bile left in it and it'd burn the bastard like acid. I'd love to see how he likes it!

I drew my upper lip up over my teeth in disgust with a small growl. "What the hell are _you_ doing in my apartment?" My voice cracked slightly as I spoke.

He crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. I noticed that he was wearing casual clothes instead of his usual military blues.

"I was let in here by your roommate. Or should I start calling him the love of your life?"

I crossed my arms over my own bare chest, sizing him up as my mouth turned down in a dirty scowl.

"Fuck you!"

He smirked and gave me a shrug, "Nah, I think I'll pass. It sounds like you've done enough of that already, homunculus."

"O-Oh! OH! SHUT UP!" I screeched. My hands balled in tense fists at my sides. I couldn't stop the faint red blush from blooming across my cheeks, no matter how hard I fought it. "Do you want to die, asshole?! Is that why you're here?!"

Mustang gripped his knees and threw his head back in a hearty laugh. I didn't get what was funny. But you know what would have been funny? Me spitting that bile filled loogie right in his open mouth! I was so close too! If only I had better aim…heh heh.

Ahh! I was starting to feel like my normal self again, with trains of thought like those.

The bastard wiped away fake tears from his eyes as he sat straight again. "Fullmetal had to go and get some food for your apartment and took Riza with him. They should be back any minute now. They left me here to watch you, just in case you woke up. Last time you were awake, you weren't being too easy on yourself, from what I heard."

Yeah, and I'd rather not think about that, asshole.

I did think back on the seemingly endless slumber I'd awoken from though.

"…When was the last time I was awake?"

He brought a finger to his chin in thought before he responded.

"Hmmmm….four days?"

"F-FOUR DAYS!? I WAS ASLEEP FOR FOUR DAYS?!" All I could think about was the pathetic vulnerability that left me with. Homunculi don't sleep for four days! Damn it!

"Shhh! Goddamn you're loud! No wonder Fullmetal claims you two are so much alike!"

I shot him another filthy look. Fuck the pipsqueak. I didn't want to hear his name or see his face right then!

"Anyways, yes. You've been asleep for four days. A little bit comatose, but I guess that comes with intense stress. Ed's been here with you the whole time, but he was running out of fresh food, so he called Riza over to watch you. Naturally, I came too. I'd heard the story, but I wanted to see it with my own eyes."

He ran his eyes down my body and I instinctively crossed an arm across my bare chest defensively. It wasn't like I hadn't been running around that naked for over 100 years, but I didn't like the way his eyes lingered on my body. That man makes me sick! My upper lip curled.

"Hmmm. Well you're not screaming denials like you usually do, so I can only assume that it must be true."

I clicked my tongue behind my teeth disdainfully before whipping around and heading towards my window seat. Being mindful of my weight, I plopped my ass down on the seat and pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Turning my face away from the intruder, I focused on the view outside the window. Everything was still covered in a thick blanket of white, but the snow wasn't falling anymore. A couple of people were trudging around through it, bundled up so tightly that you couldn't see their faces. I absentmindedly thought about where they might be going on a day so detestable as this.

Of course, Mustang had to interrupt my calm thoughts, pissing me off again.

"What do you think about putting on some clothes Envy? I've never particularly wanted to see this much of you." He paused and rubbed a hand over his eyes. I noted that the gloves were missing. "You're…pretty damn naked right now."

"I'm comfortable," I spat.

"Mmm hmm," he grumbled, "Sure."

He didn't speak again after that. We both sat in uncomfortable silence, him studying the room and me studying the people making their way around outside in the snow. I saw a woman holding the hand of a small boy. He tried to get away from her and jump into a snow bank, but she pulled him back tight to her body and playfully ruffled his hair. I looked away quickly, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

The silence was broken as I heard the front doorknob rattling and then a soft click when it swung open. Knowing who was going to be standing there, I didn't want to look. But I didn't want to look out the window again either, so instead I settled for resting my head between my knees. I made myself as small as possible and let my long hair fall around my body.

The little shit and Riza entered the room and then kicked the door shut behind them. He let out a groan and made a comment about it being unbearably cold, then the crinkle of paper bags hitting the table reached my ears. He must have not noticed me yet. I bit into my lower lip.

"Glad you're finally back. Why couldn't I go with you again?" Roy's low voice rumbled.

"Because you were pissing me off bastard!"

"Sure Edward. But I was getting tired of waiting here, especially with _that_ guy up and running again." A shiver travelled down my spine as I felt three pairs of eyes fall on me at once. I didn't dare look up and meet them, but even behind my tightly closed eyes, everything was molten gold. No matter what I did, I just couldn't escape that loser, could I?

I heard said loser start to make his way across the room to where I sat. His boots slapped heavily against the floor and I could distinctly hear the weight difference in each step. I knew the expression his face held. His eyes would be smoldering and his mouth would hang slightly agape.

Before he made it all the way over, I held up my left hand, palm outwards. "Stop," I ground out with my head between my knees, "Don't come near me."

I could feel him wince at my words. For a moment I almost felt bad about it, but then I reminded myself that he'd completely ruined my life.

That fucker.

I grit my teeth together and brought my outstretched arm back around my legs, attempting to become even smaller. I wished I could just transform into a mouse or something and run away. Damn that would have been nice. Damn parasite, ruining everything for me…

I pictured the idiot's mouth opening and closing like a fish in my mind's eye, fighting to find the words to say to me. Then I heard him sigh and start walking back to the center to the room before he spoke again.

"Alright, well I guess you guys should go. Thanks for going to the store with me Riza. And uh, thanks Roy." That last part was just a little more harsh than the rest of it. "I'll let you know if we need anything else. Just…uh…don't tell anyone else, ok? I don't need everyone in Amestris to _know_."

He put a lot of weight on that last word and it made me grimace. _He_ didn't need anyone else knowing? What? Like I'm his dark, dirty secret now or something? Give me a fucking break!

Riza and the bastard said their goodbyes and after a couple of lingering stares I felt on me, I heard them leave the apartment. We were finally alone. The tension and silence in the room was so thick and I could feel him standing over across the room. I chanced a glance out from my knees and saw his back was turned to me. Just seeing him there made my stomach jump. It wasn't uncomfortable really; more like a thrill.

He turned around to face me and I swiftly jammed my head between my knees again, praying he hadn't seen me looking. I bit into my lower lip, hearing his heavy footsteps making their way over to me again. He'd seen me. I was sure of it. Before I could process a physical response, I felt him standing next to me. It felt like he was towering over me, despite being the shortest little shit around.

"…Envy." He breathed out my name and it sent an involuntary shiver down my back. I grunted in response and refused to look up.

"I-I'm…sorry."

The little shit sounded so pathetic. Served him right.

"You're not fucking sorry."

I felt him tense up next to me as I finally broke my silence. He made a small squeaking sound before speaking again.

"I'm uh…I uh, was worried about you. Running off like that."

I sighed and brought a hand up to push back some of my hair. "Mmm hmm."

He slid down into a sitting position next to me, his back pressed up against the window seat. The back of his head was directly in line with me and I noticed that it wasn't bound with a tie. Solid gold flowed freely over his right shoulder.

"Envy, we need to talk. You can't close yourself off from me. Especially not about something like _this_."

"What is '_this'_, Edward?" God, when his name rolled off my tongue it felt like I spat out something disgusting. Once I said it once though, it became easier to say.

"You know…uh…how we did it together and uh…"

"FUCKING SAY IT ED!" I finally raised my head up from my knees and screamed at him. He jumped and turned around to face me. My eyes were blazing with renewed fury and he looked like he wanted to run away. But he didn't.

"Fucking say it Ed! SAY IT! You did this to me! You did it! You say it!"

His face grew redder than I'd ever seen it before, and not just on his cheeks. His _whole_ face was as red as my ouroboros. I also noticed some bruises scattered across his face and neck, remembering how I'd beaten him a couple of days before in my fit of incoherent rage.

Ok. I _did_ feel bad about that.

He stared at me open mouthed for a moment before clenching his eyes shut and screaming back.

"I GOT YOU PREGNANT AND NOW WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT! DAMN IT! I SAID IT! YOU HAPPY ENVY?!"

He glared at me, panting heavily from the exertion of screeching so loudly. I didn't know what to say. I hadn't expected him to be so…direct? It left me completely speechless. What do you say when someone screams in your face what you've silently been thinking?

"Well what are you going to do about it?" I finally spat. It came out weaker than I'd intended it to.

"What am _I_ going to do about it?! Don't you mean what are _we_ going to do about it? There's no 'I' about this Envy! This is serious and it involves the both of us! It's gonna be…._our_ kid, ok?"

I dry-heaved a little at the talk of children. My hand came up to my mouth as I fought off the nausea.

"Damn! Are you ok?" He gasped and placed a warm hand on my shoulder. Instead of flinching away, I let him hold it there. Even though I was overflowing with hatred for Edward, his touch was still electric. I was craving it. It was almost like it was the one thing that I needed right then.

But there was no way in hell I'd ever say that aloud.

"Urg…yeah." I let out a little burp and grimaced as I brought my hand down again. Finally meeting his eyes, I could see the fear hidden behind them.

"Listen, I'm not saying I'm happy about this either, if that's what you were thinking. So you can go ahead and get off my back now because we're both at fault here and we're both equally terrified about what's going to happen. I assume you're scared, right? Don't lie to me anymore Envy. It's ok to be scared. I-I'm pretty damn scared." He brought a hand to scratch behind his head and then gave me an awkward smile.

I looked around in thought for a moment before giving a short nod of agreement. I wasn't ready to vocalize how scared I was yet. I'd leave that up to the pipsqueak.

"Ok. So what do we do now? God, I still can't believe it."

You can't believe it? You're not the one walking around with the _thing_ inside of you!

"I guess we'll need to take you to see Dr. Marcoh again. You can't go to a normal doctor. They'd know you're not human. That, and you're a pregnant man right now. Can you, uh, do anything about that?"

"You think I haven't tried that already, idiot?" I spat sarcastically, "I can't transform at all. Nothing! All that happens is healing, but even that is ridiculously slow. And uh…when I tried to take care of the problem…_it_ kept shocking me with intense pain." I looked over his shoulder distantly, remembering the whole scene. The physical pain was gone, but the emotional pain was still pulsing strong. I was desperately trying to shove it into the back of my mind. I didn't want to lose control of myself again.

"You can't transform at all? What do you -wait! What did you just say? …You tried to 'take care of the problem'? You don't mean-!" He gasped and slammed a fist down on the window seat. "Damn it Envy! What did you do in Father's room?!" His voice got more and more frantic with each question.

I frowned as he took on a scolding tone with me. Like _I'd_ done something wrong. I didn't see anything wrong with getting _it_ out. I didn't want it there. It didn't belong there, in _my _body.

"I tried to take care of the problem Ed! I tried to fucking get it out! I tried to scratch it out and I tried to punch it out and all it did was hurt me! It hurt me so much! And I begged him to kill me! I couldn't take it! I wanted out! You can't tell me you wouldn't react the same way if you found out something that doesn't belong inside of you is there!"

Edward looked like he was going to be sick for a second, what with the descriptions I gave him. I guess I was a little drastic down there. Now that I was in a semi-healthy state of mind again, it made me grimace to think about it too. I didn't really want to die. I wanted the whole situation to go away, but truthfully not if it would cost me my life. I'd been in such a psychotic state. I was glad I hadn't done anything too drastic.

I was puzzled though when Edward's disgusted face turned into one of confusion. What? Was he confused about why I tried to get rid of it? It should be pretty self-explanatory. And it's not like it was the first time I'd tried to kill myself.

"Envy…who were you begging to kill you? Was there someone else down there?"

Who? Well Pride obviously.

Oh shit.

…Oops.

"Oh! Uh! UM!" I stammered, frantically trying to figure out what to say.

It was either I admit that I've been having hostile contact with my older brother or that I make up a story about being delusional. Edward would never believe me if I told him I was begging the voices inside my head to kill me. It sounded fucking ridiculous! But Pride told me not to tell! I shut my mouth and gave myself a moment to think.

The first time I heard his voice, he told me not to tell anyone about him otherwise he'd kill me. The second time I saw him, he refused to kill me, even when I was begging for death. The little bastard was such a hypocrite, but right there was my answer. He said he wanted to watch me. He refused to kill me. Even if I told someone else about him, he wouldn't kill me. I could tell with no consequences to myself.

Of course I didn't think about the consequences that could fall onto other people, but hell. I'm used to only thinking about myself, ok?

"Ed, don't freak out," I held up my hands in front of myself and exhaled, preparing for an outburst, "There _was_ someone else down there with me. He's, uh, come to see me a few times since we moved here."

The blood was quickly draining from Edward's face. "…Who?"

"Pride."

He shot up from his spot on the floor before I could even blink.

"WHAT?!" Edward's eyes grew huge in comparison to his face, "WHY HAVEN'T YOU SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?!"

I jumped up from my window seat too and faced him. My nose was practically pressed against his as I yelled, matching his tone, "I TOLD YOU NOT TO FREAK OUT EDWARD!"

"HOW CAN I NOT FREAK OUT?! HOW CAN YOU NOT TALK ABOUT MEETING PRIDE?!"

"BECAUSE," I leaned in closer, roaring straight in his face, "HE SAID HE WOULD KILL ME IF I TOLD!"

"DAMN IT ENVY! THEN WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME?! Wait! Ummm….why _are _you telling me, if he said he'd kill you?" Edward's rage melted into confusion once again.

I sighed in frustration and brought a hand up to massage my temple. I really didn't want to deal with this right then. "Like I said, I begged him to kill me and he said no. He said he wanted to watch me suffer like the little prick he is. But do tell me, why the FUCK is Pride still alive? Who's brilliant idea was that, huh?!"

Edward blanched.

"…Mine…"

"You idiot!" I slapped him upside the head and he yelped at the pain, "Pride is the most dangerous of all of us and you let him live?!"

"I let you live too!"

"I'm not Pride! Damn it Edward!" I plopped down on the window seat again and threw my head into my hands, shaking it back and forth. "You have no idea how bad of a mistake you made. You know how bad Pride is Ed? _I'm _scared of the bastard. We all were! Damn it!"

"Well he shouldn't remember anything Envy! When I finished fighting with him, he was innocent! He regained his true form! A small baby! That's all he was! They've been raising him again just outside of Central and he hasn't shown any memory of being a homunculus. He's been just like a normal kid. They've been watching him!"

I growled at Edward's stupidity. Everything was such a mess and I still blamed him for our other problem too. "Wasn't Selim Bradley just a normal kid too, hmm? Did you ever guess that he was a homunculus? No! He plays the perfect kid act and he's been doing it all over again, fooling all you idiots! He's getting his powers back Ed! He can make shadows!"

Even though I thought it wasn't possible, his eyes grew larger. Edward made a break for the front door, but I latched onto his wrist to hold him back. He tried to shake me off and when I wouldn't let go he stomped childishly in frustration.

"I have to tell someone! I have to tell Roy!"

"Not now Ed! Not now." I was so exhausted. I'd just woken up from a mini-coma after trying to commit suicide and now all of this shit was happening?! I just wanted to lie down on that window seat and relax.

I just wanted Edward.

"Why not?!" he rounded on me again, bewildered at my request. I simply yanked on his arm so he was sitting down next to me on the window seat. He pouted like a wee little baby.

"Because," I began, "I'm so fucking tired of everything and I just want to lay here. And I don't know why...but I...wantyoutolayherewithme!" It came out in a rush before I could stop it and I felt myself starting to blush. Throwing my body down on the cushioned seat, I buried my face into some of the pillows. It made me so damn ashamed to want Edward near after everything that had happened. But hell, I just wanted him to hold me.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

"Please. You can tell anyone you want to later, just…lay here for a while, ok?" My words were muffled by the pillows and it felt like my whole body was burning with embarrassment. And fuck, it was cold! I shivered. Maybe I should have listened to Mustang and put some more clothes on!

Suddenly, I felt Edward's warmth wrap around me. I laid on my side, looking out the window at the people down below. Edward laid behind me, his body perfectly conforming to mine. He let out a quiet sigh as he brought an arm across my near-naked body to rest on my lower stomach. For a brief moment I was able to forget everything else that was happening around me and just focus on his steady breathing and the hot puffs of air that hit my shoulder.

"…Fine, but we need to tell someone soon. No more secrets…"

We laid there for the next couple of hours, eventually both falling into a peaceful sleep in each other's arms.

* * *

**A/N:** Ohhhhh! This one ended happily! (kinda) Envy's trying his hardest to forget about his psychotic episode. Let's see how long that lasts, hmm?

The action is starting! Let me know what you think!

**~MarionX**


	20. Dear Brother

**Chapter 20: Dear Brother...**

Dear Al,

Hey Al! How have things been going over there in Xing? How's the Alkehestry training? You go on any dates with May yet?

I've got some bad news for you actually. I don't know how to say this…I don't really want to say it in a letter. I'd much rather say it to your face. But it's serious Al. I need you to come home. Not just for that reason, but for something else too.

Pride's conscious again Al. He knows he's a homunculus. He has his shadows. He's been attacking Envy and the idiot has been hiding it from me! Damn it! It made me so mad when he told me!

Pride told Envy that if he told anyone else, he'd kill him. He hasn't tried anything yet, but he decided to watch him suffer instead…because of the other thing I want to talk to you about…yeah.

Mustang led a team out to the estate where they were raising Selim. When they got there, they were expecting to see a whole team of people, as usual, but there wasn't a single person there! Mrs. Bradley was gone. All of the military personnel were gone. Selim was gone! There were no traces of where they went. The whole thing is a big mystery and it's so damn scary too. The true situation is on need-to-know basis with the military and government right now. And it's not like they can put out missing persons ads for Pride. Everyone in Amestris thinks Selim Bradley is dead.

So we're basically expecting Pride to come for Envy eventually. He's going to try to kill him or torture him. God, he might try to kill me too. And Envy says that Pride is watching him all the time. It's so damn creepy, I swear.

We need help Al. I'm sorry to interrupt you in the middle of your studies, but if you don't start heading back to Amestris now, it might be too late. You know I can't do alchemy anymore. But you can. We need someone strong like you here to take on Pride. I need you.

Please respond soon. I need to hear from you.

Your big brother,

_**Ed**_

P.S. Bring _him_ with you if you can. I have a feeling that we could use his help. But if he can't leave Xing, I understand.

* * *

Dear Brother,

I'm doing well here. But what on Earth did you get yourself into this time? Every time I turn around, you're up to something brother. It's hard to keep up with you sometimes.

I can't believe that Pride is acting out! I thought you said he'd lost his homunculus nature! This is really bad. All of the others seemed to have some sort of emotion to them other than their sins, but Pride is just…you know how I was trapped in that dome with him brother. He's small and innocent looking but he's so scary!

He's missing too? That's even worse! He could be anywhere! But from the sounds of it, he must be near Central, if he's able to threaten Envy with his voice and shadows. I wonder how long he's been missing and the government never knew?

It's interesting to hear that Envy's being threatened. He always built himself up to be such a big, bad homunculus. He never seemed like the type to be bullied. Well, I hope he's doing ok with all of it. Must be pretty shocking to find out a sibling you thought was dead is actually still alive.

But you've got me all worried now brother! Of course I'm coming home! And you're keeping secrets from me again! You're just as bad as Envy apparently. You better tell me what the other thing is the second I see you. I hope it's not as bad as Pride being aware again. Sounds like it's pretty bad though, if you want to tell me in person. I guess I don't blame you.

I'm packing my things right now. I told May to stay here, even though she wanted to come with me. We're together now brother. I'd be worried for her safety if she came. I think I'm in love with her and I don't want to lose her. I only told her that she'd already done enough for Amestris though. I haven't told her that I love her yet. Maybe before I leave tomorrow I will. Who knows when I'll be back for her again.

Ling arranged to come with me. Of course, Lan Fan is coming with too. It's amazing that, despite being Emperor, Ling can get away so easily. He classified it as diplomatic business. So it'll be the three of us. I agree. He will definitely be helpful. It's a good thing he's still around. But, I hope you've told Envy about him. You're going to end up giving Envy a heart attack with all of these surprises brother! I don't think he'll be very happy.

I should be in Central in about a month. I'll call and leave a message with the General or at the Academy when I reach a border town with a phone. We'll be seeing you soon!

Don't do anything stupid until then! That goes for Envy too!

Love,

_**Alphonse**_

* * *

**A/N:** Oh ho ho ho ho. I have something up my sleeve now. Any guesses about what it might be?

I'm really excited to keep writing this!

**~MarionX**


	21. The End, For Now

Hi everyone. It's been a long time...

I just wanted to formally announce that this story is going on a permanent hiatus. You've probably already figured that out by now, but I wanted to tell you anyways.

A lot has changed for me in the last two years since I began writing this story. I've grown and matured. I'm finishing college. I'm preparing to start the next chapter of life with four years of professional school. Fanfiction has been the last thing on my mind and I've completely lost interest.

Maybe one day I'll continue writing again, but for now I need to say goodbye. I'm sorry to be one of those writers that leaves everyone hanging. It always killed me to read those kinds of stories and now I've become one. But I also see now why many people leave their fanfiction incomplete. Life takes over and writing takes the backseat.

Thank you so much for all the fun times you've given me on here and constantly inspiring me to write more. Maybe I'll talk to you again some day. In the meantime, I wish you all the best.

~MarionX


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